Grandparents say it’s too expensive to have Grandchildren to stay

So many Grandparents on here..... It is clear you don't want to help your children.

I am so glad my parents are supportive and adore seeing my children. I will do the same for my grandchildren.

It is lovely that you stayed with your grandparents during holidays, but definitely not the norm.

I love my neices and nephews and see them regularly, i wouldnt want to have them visit without parents. I would occasionally to help out, but it would definitely be to help rather than because I want to. I do love them, i just dont enjoy being responsible for other people's children. It to tell other children no so they end up playing all the games all day. With my own easier to say "i am xyz just now will play later"

My parents heavily used their parents for childcare even depositing us there while they went on holiday

Neither of them have looked after their own grandchildren on a remotely regular basis my mother wouldn't even show her grandson to the wider family (she did with dd) because he was a boy 🙄

This is not how your story came over in your original post, I’m a bit confused now 🤷‍♀️

Ah, so I think this is different. You’re talking about wanting to bring them and leave them for the holidays 3 hours away for several days. I think most grandparents probably don’t do this.

My dc have never been to stay with either of their sets of grandparents, ever, not one night. Now there are complex reasons related to safeguarding why this is the case, but even were there not, the occasional overnight would probably be it. I couldn’t see them having them for the holidays. They just wouldn’t want to or have the energy to (my eldest is 11, so they are not little).

But yes, if you drive to visit them and stay nearby in a holiday let, it seems normal that they would have them overnight for a sleepover. Unless there are reasons why they can’t but can’t tell you. For example, my MIL made every excuse why we could never visit her with the dc overnight. She would visit us or we’d have to stay nearby and no overnight visits. This went on for years. I thought she just didn’t like us or our dc. Turns out her partner who she had moved in had a history of child sexual offences and his license conditions prevented any children from staying overnight with them. But they made up all sorts of other excuses to keep this a secret in the family. 🙄

I think your expecting way to much of them.

I stayed with my grandparents as a child so my parents could work over the holidays but they were very hands on and very close to us, they'd come on holidays with us & my parents. Even later on in life I've stayed with my grandparents with my children.

That said, my parents are hands on but they wouldn't have my children to stay without me unless good reason (they've done in the past when I had surgery) I'm always going with my
Children to stay but my dad is disabled so it's quite a lot for him and my in laws they don't do anything with my children unless I'm there. I think you really need to lower your expectations not everyone is hands on.

Maybe they don't want the heating on 24/7 and a huge bill but don't want the kids to be cold .

I do agree with that actually.

@Overtherainbow89 is this right?

I think your OP is missing quite a bit of detail to make a judgement here...

EDIT: Given the context of the 3 hour journey it's not quite so easy to do a drop and run.

No I think the grandparents want the 4 of them to stay but OP wants to leave the children and get a few nights off.

This would have been helpful info in your OP, OP.

So when your children stay, you stay too? But they're asking you (all) to stop staying? I sense there is more to this...

You spent school holidays with your grandparents and that's lovely if it worked for you and your family but it's not typical and probably wasn't your in laws expectation at all.

Looking after DC for a few days is a big ask. My in-laws love to do it so they would do a night or two a year. My mum has never offered but she's a brilliant grandmother and my DC adore her.

You need to adjust your expectations to their family customs.

My parents used to do this when we went to stay with my grandmother. She rather took it to extremes and spent hundreds of pounds on huge toys then gave my parents the bill, so probably worth clarifying expectations if you’re going to do this!

They don't want to do it and want their own life.
I wouldn't, either.
Presumably grandparents are old enough to be able to voice their desire to be left alone!

Give the grandparents a pot of money to be used when they taje the children out. They should not be out of pocket if they don't want to be.

@Tourmalines "Nonsense. No we don’t"

This is Mumsnet. Yes we do.

Nonsense. No we don’t .

If you think they've had to make up an excuse as to why they don't want your dc for the weekend - ie you say they have money - then that makes it even clearer that they don't want your children there. It doesn't really matter what anyone thinks, it's up to them.

@SoupDragon "No we don't. It doesn't matter whether they are parents or In Laws"

I absolutely agree. But on Mumsnet it does.

No we don't. It doesn't matter whether they are parents or In Laws.

I think you need to offer to compensate them for trips out.

Children get bored and irritable at home, and days out can be expensive.

The fact your parents go on nice holidays doesn't matter. Perhaps they can afford to go on nice holidays because they save elsewhere.

We need to know whose parents we're talking about before we pass any judgement.

I imagine they just don't want to do childcare for you which is there perogative. My parents and inlaws have never done regular childcare for us (had the kid overnight a handful of times for emergencies) because they both live to far away but they still have very good relationships with my kids. We see them as a family regularly. And I factored in paying for childcare /built my career around it before having kids.

It sounds like you are expecting too much to me.