Grandparents say it’s too expensive to have Grandchildren to stay

I just don't like the assumption that GPs are default childcare, especially given that they are quite likely (as I do) to still be working FT. I cannot think of a single time when any of my DCs were sent to stay with GPs. I'm very happy to see GCs along with my DCs, but not to be childcare other than in an emergency.

Not obliged but I cannot imagine being so emotionally unattached to my grandchildren

If you've raised your children, you've done your job. If you want to babysit GC, that's fine, but if you don't want to, that's fine too. The real issue is that childcare is too expensive, housing is too expensive, and the UK economy is relying on a lot of unpaid labour. And some grandparents find being with little kids too tiring or have health issues, and some don't get along with their children, and vice-versa.

Fair weather GP? What a joke. They are not obliged to do anything.

Why? Are you just not that bothered about your GC?

My parents refuse to have my children stay overnight, both are healthy aged 60 and active. They say it makes them too tired and they’ve ’done their time’ was my choice to have children lol. They do live close by so pop round at least weekly to see them. My kids are 10 and 2, 10yo pretty self sufficient now!

How long are you leaving the children there? It sounds like you could be imposing on them too much and the expense is an excuse to put an end to it.

It can be expensive taking Gdcs out for the day - well over £100 to take our 3 plus us to a fairly local attraction, but they always love it, and luckily we can afford it.

OTOH recently I took them on the bus to their local Nat Hist. Museum, only expense was their bus fares (on my local buses they’d go free) and lunch.

I’d echo what a pp said about it being tiring for older GPs, though. Ours are very good but I’m still pretty exhausted after having them for 3 days and nights during half term. I’ll still have them for as long as I’m able, though.

Money is probably an excuse - they just don't want to be stuck doing childcare for days on end.

As a GP I have zero interest in having GC to stay without their parents. I'd much rather see my DCs

Well yes I don’t think it’s unreasonable to object to parents dropping their kids off and buggering off themselves. We have zero childcare help but I wouldn’t be putting someone in a position where they have to make excuses to me. My 5yr old is mental and constantly running around, I get tired, she’d probably kill her grandparents.

We do spend time with grandparents, but we are there to look after them. GP’s do want to see their GC but don’t always want to be in sole charge of them. You can have a lovely relationship with grandparents and spend plenty of time with them without them having to babysit if you are concerned about the relationship. But thats not it is it really. You want childcare, which is totally understandable but many of us never have a break unless we pay someone. Not taking your kids for a few days isn’t being a bad grandparent.

They seem to think they have to take the children on days out every day (they don’t

Having them round the house is far more demanding of time and energy (I know, I did it for years).

They're grandparents. Let them be grandparents. If they don't want to have your children to stay, that's their prerogative. Sounds like you're expecting too much.

Also how they spend their free time and finances especially in retirement (assuming they are?) is totally irrelevant so I'm not sure why you had to add in your comment 'for context' about it in your original post.

How long were you hoping they'd look after your children for, OP? From your post it's difficult to tell whether your grandparents looked after you for a few days or for the entire holidays. What are you asking of them? Three days or three weeks? I'm guessing that as you live a six-hour return journey away it's likely to be a longer stay.

I was in a cafe over the weekend. A sudden heavy rainstorm blew in and grandparents with two grandchildren came in to shelter. The GPs had a coffee each, the children wanted soft drinks and ice cream. The bill came to more than £20 and I could see the GPs pulling an 'eek' face. They may budget carefully in order to afford to go away and £20+ a day for a week or two, as well as all the other costs, could make a dent in their savings.

Your children may be happy to stay at home when they're in their own homes and have all their stuff around them. It's much more difficult to keep children entertained when they're away and don't have their toys and games and favourite things at hand. Before you had children did you ever look after someone else's children in your home for days on end? It's harder than you might imagine.

What is this Baby Boomer/boomer thing on MN which seems to be applied to money/babysitting/attitudes? Tbh I’m not entirely sure what a boomer is. Re saying that when you have gcs you willl love being a hands on grandparent, you really have no idea how you will feel. It will depend on how old and how healthy you are and to some extent on what the gcs are like.

They can do what they like.

My son's GPs can't have him over to theirs at the moment for various reasons, so their choice is between taking him out or not seeing him. (This is for where we are WFH and can't have him playing around whilst we work)

But you can't insist they have them if they don't want to have them in their own home. That's barmy.

You don't give nearly enough context in your updates
Are your kids any good at looking after themselves and entertaining themselves for a few hours during the day what do they need constant stimulation?
Do your in laws live in a small house with no garden?
Are you kids quite annoying and hard work (mine were!)
If it makes you feel any better neither my parents nor my in-laws had our kids for any length of time I think over 18 years they've stayed for about five sleepovers across both sets of grandparents.
My stepson had them more than our parents ever did and he was only a few years older than them!

This is true! I spent loads of time with my grandparents as a child - they'd look after us for a week or two during most summer holidays. I loved staying with them!

My kids have only ever stayed with my parents once, and it was an absolute disaster so I've never allowed it again. Not that my parents have been remotely hands-on with them anyway. They weren't exactly the best parents to me either, hence farming me off whenever they could. But I think it's a bit of a Baby Boom generational attitude and I personally think it's a bit sad - I will love being a hands-on grandparent if/when my kids have kids of their own.

Oh, 6 and 9. That would be too much for us.

Disagree with this. Spending time with GC isn't clipping your wings. You can enjoy and spend time with your GC and still go on hols and adventures (ie do both). It would be interesting to know if you are a GP, I presume not

How old are they and how old are the children? Primary covers quite a range.

YANBU OP, unsure why they are saying it's too expensive when they are going on holiday several times a year. When it comes to my GC, alot of my income goes on them, I wouldn't have it any other way. I love treating them and taking them on holidays ( and I am not wealthy but comfortable). However, I appreciate that all GPs are different. No rights and wrongs

Did your DH's grandparents have him to stay when he was a child or is it something that just wasn't done in his family?

I adored my grandparents, on both my mum's and my dad's side, but I didn't stay with them during the holidays. It's not some obligatory thing that all grandparents have to do. Plenty of people just find the whole thing of having kids to stay to be a bit stressful and draining. If grandparents are used to being able to chill and do their own thing and lead a grown-up life, several days of a six year old and a nine year old in the house, needing entertaining and feeding and being put to bed every night and so on, probably just feels like a big deal. It doesn't mean they don't love their grandkids, it simply means they're at a stage in their life where they don't want to be caring for kids for days at a time.

I love my nieces and nephews and have fun when I see them. I definitely wouldn't want to have them to stay and look after them for days at at time, though.

No, they bloody well don't. They've done their time. If parents resent looking after their own kids, don't have them. This modern expectation around grandparents is utterly gobsmacking.