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AIBU?

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Original poster

My partner watching porn.

31 replies

Ariylah · 18/11/2024 21:44

I've been with my partner for 7 years. I've explained to him on the 1st occasion I caught him watching it how uncomfortable it made me feel (i was in tears). I have then caught him 2 more times after this conversation. It made me feel numb towards him. I then seen he was viewing his ex's profile (She's on OF) which is pretty much of her in next to nothing.

This made me feel sick. I honestly can't deal with it. I feel like I'm not good enough- I have 2 children my body doesn't look like those other women and I never will. I feel like I can't trust him. To me it's as good as cheating. He then has been listening to ASMR of women whispering sexually- he says this is a way to relax- I understand ASMR but whispering in a sexual way? I think not.

I get the usual... 'All men do it' & how I'm over reacting.
He knows how I feel about it and I honestly feel like I don't want to be with a man who feels the need to look at other women. It makes me insecure - like why am I not good enough? Im the mother to his children?

Am I over reacting do you all agree with him. Its driving me mad.
😪

OP posts:
Amybelle88 · 18/11/2024 22:41

Porn doesn't bother me in the slightest, but I don't think it's anything to do with not being insecure, we all just have different views around it and that's ok.

You're not odd, insecure or anything else because it bothers you - we are all different. You've expressed and confided in him how you feel and he's took no notice, that to me is probably the most hurtful part.

The ex thing on OF is a big no no for me, though. Crosses a big line.

I'm sorry you're putting yourself down so much - please don't allow a man's behaviour dictate how you feel about yourself. He's a dick and aside from him, I think you need to take some well deserved time to work on yourself and fuck him off.

He's a knob.

MightyGoldBear · 18/11/2024 22:23

So sorry you're going through this op. It's awful. You're completely valid in everything you feel.

Please look at love after porn on reddit for support and resources. Lots of lovely women going through all the same (unfortunately)

When you feel ready please read Dr omar minwhall secret sexual basement and integrity abuse.

KindlyOldGoat · 18/11/2024 22:05

TwinklyAmberOrca · 18/11/2024 21:57

The porn wouldn't bother me as I'm not insecure and find most porn absolutely cringe, but looking at his ex almost in the buff would be an absolute no.

You don’t have to be “insecure” to object to porn, much of which not only objectifies women but normalizes violence against us.

OP, you’re absolutely right to be sickened by this - the lack of respect he’s shown you is staggering. And no, “all men” don’t do this — that’s just what the shit ones say to try and make you feel like you’re BU for objecting. You really aren’t.

TwinklyAmberOrca · 18/11/2024 21:57

The porn wouldn't bother me as I'm not insecure and find most porn absolutely cringe, but looking at his ex almost in the buff would be an absolute no.

Precipice · 18/11/2024 21:54

YANBU. You should break up. You can't trust him and you consider his actions cheating -> you shouldn't be together.

JazzyJelly · 18/11/2024 21:52

His ex? Christ...😞