to have not lost my rag at ward sister

Do you know, nearly 30 years ago that was the reason I didn't go for the nurses who left my father lying in his own filth.

I was terrified that they could do worse.

And it was the often much-maligned, very kind agency nurses who came and very gently cleaned him up.

Have been there with both my parents and was very grateful that they received good care. My mum had an operation on her back in her twenties and the hospital was 20 miles away. She got there by bus and had one visit from my grandmother who was taken there by her minister. She also when discharged came home on the bus. She would have had to change buses once. Things have changed a lot.

@TheTidyBear We are all in doubt now that the power trip that nurses are on is not misplaced, because a couple of them have come on and actually hinted that the threat of your dad being mistreated is real. Thanks for the head's up @MichaelSchofield1991 and @Justalittlenaughty.

What you've told us is that we as patients and relatives of patients, are right to be scared of you, because you will indeed give less favourable treatment to the patients whose relatives you don't like.

Absolutely bloody terrifying. My suspicions about how my poor old adorable dad was treated are now being confirmed. My mind couldn't quite comprehend how people (staff) could be unnecessarily cruel (I mean, what is the point is it just because they can?) But now I am realising that I wasn't wrong. I just didn't want to see it.

He was a lovely man. He wouldn't hurt a fly - it just wasn't inside of him to be rude to anyone. Neither were we. There was just a culture of bad attitude. They egged each other on.

As a patient I can identify with @Tittat50 too. You are 100% at their mercy. And they know it.

Thank you for your compassion and genuine care for your patients. That was so lovely to read.

I won't vote because I think the nurse is ultimately in the wrong (professionally) and so you did well by keeping your cool, however, I would also never walk onto a ward and just ask where someone was without greeting the people I was asking, no matter how traumatic my experience had been - it's not hypothetical either. I suppose you would've been unreasonable if you'd fired 2 fucks into them, but you didn't.

I'm sorry you had that experience, and I hope your dad gets better soon.

I'm sorry about your Dad's poor experience of care. Unfortunately our local hospital can't even sign up to a policy of not discharging people over 80 after 10pm at night to home without family consent. Care for older people is so poor in this country.

I've hesitated to post, because this is bringing back memories of when I had relatives in hospital. I totally sympathise with you, OP.

Well done. You were tired and stressed. She was tired and stressed. Your apology stopped the situation from spiralling and causing more stress. You did the right thing. Even if it near killed you.

I actually think @Justalittlenaughty works for the NHS tbh. I think she's the deranged nurse I had coming to get me 🤣.

MN deleted her posts!

@ProfessionalPirate oh that post from our lovely nurse naughty was directed at me. I was in hospital being fed intravenously due to a perforated bowel and sepsis. It's called TPN when you are fed via liquid formula directly into your blood stream.

What nurse naughty was doing here with this post of hers may be apparent when you read through all her other posts on this thread.

Very very concerning that this is someone working in the NHS. A nurse I will guess. No more words needed. Terrifying.

I have read and re-read this thread and wasn’t going to respond, but feel that I have to.
I have been on both sides of this situation, one as the daughter of a very ill parent and one as a lead consultant.

Off the record I sometimes believe that a&e is like a dumping ground, by that I mean some will turn up with a splinter in their finger and then kick up when told they cannot have it removed under an anesthetic. Whilst all these low level presentations are being sifted through, the serious cases are held up.

That being said I have walked In your shoes OP when my remaining beautiful parent was taken ill. Never in my life have I felt so helpless and frustrated, waiting for an admission, dependant on when a “bed” became available.

It wasn’t a hospital I knew, but it was a f*ing diabolical shambles. Feckless, and lazy staff for the most part, I could have exploded to be honest. I got my parent discharged within 24 hours and cared for them myself with my sister.

There are good hospitals and deplorable ones. Just like there are good members of staff and some who should never darken the entrance of a care environment.

I hope I have always given my very best medical attention and care to all my patients and their loved ones. I also hope that I have given not just the very best medical but compassion and care to some of my patients who have no one. These are the real ones who suffer in two ways, medically and emotionally. There has been many times when I have sat with them in their final hours because I do care.

OP you are the advocate for your father, don’t wait two hours for food, find the canteen or a vending machine. I know from experience in a overstretched department that a hot drink or food will never arrive unless you do it yourself.
Also to everyone else if you see someone by themselves in hospital, a little bit of kindness goes a long way.

Wishing your father a good solid recovery.

Well done for not reacting, as annoying as it was. It wouldn’t have done any good if she already had that attitude.

Do you mean total parenteral nutrition? I’m not sure what total parental nutrition is. Maybe exclusive breastfeeding?

Absolutely not and I hope your dad is doing okay now. My elderly dad was recently in hospital where it took myself, my partner and my aunt to lobby for a prescribed drip for two days running. I also found him lying in his own urine.
We know the service is over stretched but yet another grumpy grey haired old person is also a much loved dad and grandfather. And that will be us one day.

Sorry to hear of the nurse's rude response, manners cost nothing. Hospitals are stressful places when visiting frail friends and family. It's a minefield navigating who to speak to for any updates. If your father is staying in any longer than a few days, ask for a food diary and take him in some Ensure drinks to give him extra calories. I hope he's home soon.

Hope your Dad is back home soon OP.
When both my DP’s were in hospital separately. I also just say hi, where is DP name.
The ward don’t keep you informed about anything! Twice my DP were moved and we weren’t told. I thought they had died! Especially as it was so hard work to find out where he had been moved too!

I would have replied: " By 'parents', do you mean my dad, the elderly gentleman who's basically been neglected by you since he's been here? Yes, he taught me lots about how to treat people, thanks. Shame yours obviously didn't.' 🤷‍♀️

I’m a nurse and would also never greet anyone that way! Majority of us understand that hello goes out of the way when you’re tired and worried about a loved one. I don’t think many people have said hello to me and I won’t lose sleep over it as I have compassion for how stressful it all is

Surely if you said this Hi is Hello??

@MichaelSchofield1991 I don't see this thread as an attack on every person working in the NHS. This Sister was being really off. We are not saying health care professionals deserve to be treated rudely or dismissed. The Sisters reply was bizarre and disproportionate in this situation. OP isn't asking to purchase an item of clothing and demanding to know the price. Context matters.

If someone came on here to say they complained that the cup of tea they got was milky and was resultantly rude, we would be saying no way to this. I certainly would over such a thing.

You're misplacing your upset. We know that people working the NHS right now deserve much much more. I believe that strongly. I believe people working in the NHS often get treated like crap. I don't think this is what's happening here with OPs example. We can feel this way about the unfairness of how it generally is for many people in the NHS. But we can equally say, some people can be a bit scary, direct their misplaced stress at the wrong person ( as Sister did) and we feel uncomfortable about that. Sometimes, it progresses to a level wherein it's really scary if you're incredibly vulnerable.

I really don't agree in any way with patients treating NHS staff like crap. I have seen it in A and E with drunk people and MH patients primarily. But in all my multiple times in hospital on a ward, I've found some of the staff to be really scary. We are allowed to say this. It doesn't mean we think every NHS person is bad or deserves abuse. No way.

You just need look at the posts from nurse naughty to see my point here. Misplaced rage on a very scary level by someone who cares for vulnerable patients. I mean the point is kind of proven there.

We have good people and we have bad people. I don't know what this sister is but I find that exact language very weird in that particular setting.

I've met some angels in hospital before. Beautiful people despite dealing with so much. But it's important to look at every side of what goes on. I hope most people are good and maybe they're just pushed to their limits sometimes.

If you literally just walked up and said wheres my dad I would think thats rude if you had said excuse me sorry im just wondering where my dad is then thats acceptable.

Why the fuck should people be apologising for daring to speak to NHS staff. It's literally their job.
Expecting people to cringingly beg for information "I'm just wondering". No, it's fine to ask a direct question. It's not like she said "oy, cuntface", she just asked where her dad was.
People at a hospital aren't going to be at their best, either. They might be going through some of the worst, most frightening, most heartbreaking times of their life. I suggest that if a nurse is going to get offended at a bit of brusqueness then they're in the wrong profession.

I'm not talking about actual abuse from patients, obviously. No-one deserves that. But that is clearly not the case here.

I don't think what you've said sounds that impolite OP. Direct but not rude. You're certainly very patient and gracious. More than I would've been under the circs. I hope your father is feeling better.

The nurse was patronising and rude. In a busy A and E situation isn’t it better somebody gets straight to the point of what they want?

Another nurse here. That’s absolutely appalling behaviour you received.

My father has spent last few days on the ward following A&E admission.
He has Alzheimer’s. Staff gave me different accounts of his time on the ward. He’s eating well. No I doubt that very much. He’s walking up and down the ward stretching his legs. Again I doubt that as he is unstable on his feet and needs support.
When I went onto the ward, the couldn’t recall his name, constant mispronunciation.

Even when I called up in the evenings, staff asked me are you sure he’s on this ward? And of course he was.
Then on his discharge Sunday evening, they arranged hospital transport (I’ve young children so unable to collect him). He left hospital wearing hospital pjs and a cardigan (even though I had took in a bag of clothes and asked nurses to please make sure he’s appropriately dressed) at 8.20pm and arrived home at 10.10pm. He lives 15 mins away from hospital. So he was the last dropped off home wearing inappropriate clothes.

I have been thinking of complaining but will it be taken seriously? I doubt it.
May get an apology but nothing will change.
He is home now with his family.

@TheTidyBear best wishes to you and father. Stay strong!