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AIBU?

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Original poster

His GF asked him not to visit our kids anymore

163 replies

Twinkiebinkieseven · 18/11/2024 19:24

Hi all,

Just pondering. So the ex is in a relationship. His GF threatened to end things if he didn't stop seeing the kids at mines which he's been doing for the last few years about every 4-6 weeks. We only had this arrangement because he moved 3 hours away.

So now, the kids will see their dad a handful of times a year now.

I feel pretty angry about it TBF and can't believe he would choose her over his kids. I'm struggling to stay amicable. AIBU to think he's a terrible dad or am I unreasonable?
Fyi - I really don't care that he's in a relationship as he was a horrible partner but anything that hurts my kids, hurts me.

OP posts:
northernballer · 18/11/2024 20:30

My Dad did this, she was the OW as well - he has little relationship with any of us now despite his best efforts.

purpleblue2 · 18/11/2024 20:27

Do you not get on with the girlfriend can’t she come along aswell and take the kids out or have them
where ever they are.

i was in a relationship and have a child who already has children and i would never of told him he can’t see his children but i would of liked it to be out of the exs house. I knew though that the ex couldn’t stand my partner for various reasons which are similar to yours but I still didn’t want that level of comfort ability for him.

I don’t see the real need for them
to stay in your property anyway if I was you I’d of got him ro take tbem
oht and stay away from me years ago instead of let him into my safe space.

Original poster
Twinkiebinkieseven · 18/11/2024 20:25

@ThatTealViewer ok?!

OP posts:
Fireworknight · 18/11/2024 20:24

I can see the gf’s

AIBU. I’ve been dating my dp for a few months who has kids from a previous relationship. They live three hours away. However, he’s only allowed to see them at his ex’s house, or he always visits her when visiting the kids. Either she’s portraying op as controlling and manipulative, or new gf doesn’t trust op’s ex.

Wellingtonspie · 18/11/2024 20:23

Even if he cheated with op. Thats between him and his gf. Bugger all to do with him seeing his children Which he should do and keep
his dick in his pants.

Original poster
Twinkiebinkieseven · 18/11/2024 20:23

I know because he told me and also told me she found out @TwigletsAndRadishes. They've broken up and got back together a few times.
As I say, I have no issue with the GF. He's not a nice person.

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 18/11/2024 20:21

I cannot fathom how he can do this to his children. What a fucking deadbeat waste of breath.

ThatTealViewer · 18/11/2024 20:21

There’s a lot of questions you’re not answering, OP. This whole thing is a bit peculiar, tbh.

Startingagainandagain · 18/11/2024 20:20

A decent father would not have moved 3 hours away from his kids, nor would he put the wishes of new partner above his kids.

I would bet he is just using his girlfriend as a convenient excuse (ie he is lying through his teeth and she has never said anything about visiting his kids) to distance himself.

Even if it was true, he could easily stay in a hotel.

Original poster
Twinkiebinkieseven · 18/11/2024 20:19

@HeddaGarbled No. He initiated this arrangement which I was never happy with. It's been nearly three years that the boys have gotten used to him coming. Having someone walk through your door who financially, emotionally and verbally abused you and then cheated while you were pregnant is not fun.

He doesn't want to use up leave - I suggested just taking a couple days off each holiday but he has told me he doesn't want to use up all his leave so only takes time off every other holiday to have them with him.

The option to come and take them out for the day comes down to 'him having no money to take them out for the day.

This arrangement was purely for his benefit and now he's pulled it away.

OP posts:
TwigletsAndRadishes · 18/11/2024 20:18

Twinkiebinkieseven · 18/11/2024 19:57

Luckily he pays albeit not as much as CSA would like because I agreed to a lesser amount to accommodate the travel costs.
I don't blame the girlfriend at all. He cheated on her and tried to get back with me whilst with her a few times so she's probably insecure due to his scummy behaviour.
As much as he's proven himself a lying self obsessed snake, I thought he loved his kids enough to keep up the contact.

How do you know he cheated on her, when they live three hours away? Was it with you? And did you tell her?

Cherrysoup · 18/11/2024 20:13

Twinkiebinkieseven · 18/11/2024 19:57

Luckily he pays albeit not as much as CSA would like because I agreed to a lesser amount to accommodate the travel costs.
I don't blame the girlfriend at all. He cheated on her and tried to get back with me whilst with her a few times so she's probably insecure due to his scummy behaviour.
As much as he's proven himself a lying self obsessed snake, I thought he loved his kids enough to keep up the contact.

Bit of a drip feed! No wonder she doesn’t want him coming to yours!

Shmee1988 · 18/11/2024 20:13

So has he said that he's not going to see the kids as scheduled? Or just that he's not going to be seeing them at your house? If it's the latter then what's the issue? As long as he still sees them when he's supposed tom surely there is no reason that it has to be at your house?

Original poster
Twinkiebinkieseven · 18/11/2024 20:12

@Wonderi the frustrating thing is, I never wanted him at my house. It was very triggering and I had to get over it quickly for the sake of my kids. I suggested having them in the holidays. He does sometimes but is reluctant to use all his leave on kids holidays (like I do!)

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 18/11/2024 20:10

This is a dishonest thread: it’s not about not seeing the children; it’s about not seeing them AT YOUR HOUSE.

ThatTealViewer · 18/11/2024 20:07

Twinkiebinkieseven · 18/11/2024 20:06

@Wonderi he wanted to go back to his home town

That doesn’t explain why he can’t stay in a hotel or take them for the holidays.

Will you be asking for more money (ideally through official channels) now that he’s no longer travelling?

Original poster
Twinkiebinkieseven · 18/11/2024 20:06

@Wonderi he wanted to go back to his home town

OP posts:
Fupoffyagrasshole · 18/11/2024 20:05

Just awful !! My husband stays at his exs house twice a year as she and their son live in a different country !

Previous girlfriend to me had huge issues with this so he ended things with her !!

early days I did find it a bit stressful when he went to stay there as it was all unknown to me - but I could understand that it cost a lot to fly there and he couldn’t also afford hotels every visit - he is able to spend longer periods of time with his son if he starts at their house

your Ex is actually choosing this woman over your kids it’s awful 😣

Original poster
Twinkiebinkieseven · 18/11/2024 20:01

Kids are 6 and 12. They do love their dad which is why this hurts so much 😢

OP posts:
Wellingtonspie · 18/11/2024 19:59

Well now he won’t travel time to do the csa amount.

Wonderi · 18/11/2024 19:59

Why can’t he just stay in a hotel?
Or have them for the school holidays?

Why did he move 3 hours away?
Surely he knew that this arrangement was only temporary, so what was his long term plan?

I understand the gf being unhappy about him staying at his ex’s home but I don’t understand how thst means him seeing his kids less.
It’s not like they’re in a different country.

Original poster
Twinkiebinkieseven · 18/11/2024 19:59

Also agree this may well be a lie. He's a habitual liar so I wouldn't put it past him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twinkiebinkieseven · 18/11/2024 19:57

Luckily he pays albeit not as much as CSA would like because I agreed to a lesser amount to accommodate the travel costs.
I don't blame the girlfriend at all. He cheated on her and tried to get back with me whilst with her a few times so she's probably insecure due to his scummy behaviour.
As much as he's proven himself a lying self obsessed snake, I thought he loved his kids enough to keep up the contact.

OP posts:
BrunetteHarpy · 18/11/2024 19:53

I think the girlfriend’s request is likely to be fictional, because this prince of men can’t bring himself to say ‘I can’t be bothered to see my own children every month and a half.’

needsomewarmsunshine · 18/11/2024 19:49

This is possibly just an excuse on his part. He moves 3 hours away, hardly sees his kids then his gf has threatened to break up with him if he sees them.
He chooses a shag over his kids. It might be the get out he wants.
He seems a waste of time tbh, How old are the kids?