His GF asked him not to visit our kids anymore

I have to question the rationale that as he is travelling he gets to pay less maintenance - it was his choice to move not yours? And if he isn't coming as agreed, then the maintenance needs to go up to the correct amount - he can't have it all his own way.

The poor kids. An arsehole like him doesn’t deserve kids. But you already know this, and not much you can do about it now.
I guess the best you can do is make some excuse for the kids sake (maybe your 12 year old is old enough to know the truth) and FaceTime as much as possible. How hurtful for them.
lets hope he doesn’t have more children with his new partner.

He's just a typical I dont want to be a dad! Kind of father! He is definitely blaming this on his GF as he doesn't have the balls to tell you he can't be bothered. My ex was the same and believe me it doesn't get any better .
He came up with every excuse in the book to not see his girls on a regular basis.
My girls have both grown up now and they don't want him in there lives. As they realise he never spent quality time with them.

Your clearly better off without him in your children's lives.

Children always work things out for themselves and it will be you who are there no1 fan.

Best of luck

Your post remknded me of myself a few years ago so i know how you feel, confused, frustrated and annoyed.
As I'm seeing it, he's had it easy seeing the kids at yours, that may be because you don't trust him or he's incapable of having them alone. Either this girlfriend's ultimatum is fictitious or he's been referencing to staying at yours more than staying for the kids? and she's the jealous type ? ( either way it's wrong but she owes you or the kids nothing so ignore her input).
Sidenote, he may be working on her insecurities to control and shes made a comment that hes ran with to duck out of his obligations. Maybe I'm over analysing ;)
If he even contemplates seeing the kids as a choice he isn't worth a light, and you're not Air B and B.
He's had too much of his own way and it needs to stop.
Options as I see it, merely my opinion ...
Use the CMO for financial or he's going to play the girlfriend card again with money, it's not your fault he can't manage his money he is a father and if you can manage without it save it for the kids but do make him support you. (He financially abused you so to me not paying would be a further abuse in this regard)
Tell him to get a B and B or have a long day once a month with the kids for their sake, doesn't have to be bells and whistles; could be local woods, park, few games of footy and a picnic etc.
He must arrange his own contact with his children though, don't accommodate this for him it isnt your role. If you want to be cordial, suggest some free or low cost local things happening.
Keep every text and email in case you need it.
Good luck, you're doing a great job Mum

What an absolute tunt! I'm so sorry ❤

My dad has never lived near me. Varied from an hour away to 4 hours away to being somewhere that required flying but he always had us every other weekend. Drove for up to 4 hours each way on a Friday to pick us up and then again on a Sunday to drop us off. Flew to get us and then flew back again. He didn’t once miss a weekend. Had us half of the holidays. A dad who wants to be in his kids life will make those sacrifices for them. Kids do remember and will know who was there for them. Yes they love him because kids are life in black and white but when they are adults they will remember this. Do your best as their mum and they will love you for it.

He sounds delightful, let's take the fact he's moved away out of the question at the moment; there could be loads of reasons for that, but cutting time with your kids because the 'new' gf ask you - time to fuck her off, I can imagine how that conversation would have gone if it was ever asked of me -

Omg same he blocked me and she said it goes threw her after they was together for 3months gosh I laughed so hard 🤣🤣

as a solicitor once said -off the record- he is basically protecting his shag ! Sounds really selfish of him to me, Ask him if a new fella was to move into yours would he mind if the children called him 'dad' then watch his reaction, you'll soon learn if its him that cant be bothered or if its her giving ultimatums because he had cheated on her and she suspects its with you x

Hey I’m the same my twat ex doesn’t see any of our kids or pay because he’s gf wears the trousers and our kids are all disabled also not that he cares at all had a baby with her and just forgot our children existed I have had so many rows in the past especially with her because she always gets all phone being mouthy saying he’s a wonderful dad hasn’t seen our kids now in 7 months !! Both twats

My daughters fathers GF did the same she's insanely jealous of my daughters having attention from their father ,she's also deeply paranoid ile take him back as he was my husband. I left because he's a domestic abuser. It's got to the point the visits have been whittled down to 2 supervised visits a year with his mother , the GF over sees these visits and the last time stood arms crossed staring at my daughters while they interacted with their father ,then when they were due to stay at their house for the night with their nan over seeing the visit they arrived and the GF had booked her and dad a hotel and left nan with my kids and their baby for the weekend. They live 4 hours away from my kids. They got home from the hotel on the Sunday and my kids left to come back to Scotland an hour later. Sometimes these men aren't worth begging to be a dad ,leave them to the nasty peice of shit women just like them and protect your baby's is my advice. Sorry you all have to go through this. My kids dad's not even allowed our phone number or to call his kids in between the 2 visits a year and won't pay child maintenance. He also dv abused the new gf recently and broke her leg throwing her brother at her in a fight apparently she was pinching him so he pushed her brother and flung him into her. Kids are better off out these situations with strange relationships . Stay safe momma

Gosh calm down people it was only a suggestion

If the children are going to have a relationship with him then people need to start thinking how that can happen instead of wasting energy attacking his morals - I mean yes that’s really going to help the children

Come to think of it why didn’t I suggest a flight?

As an example: from Bingham (near Nottingham) to Winchester, is a 3h drive but if I want to catch a train at 8am on a Saturday, it will take me 4h and involve a change at Grantham and a tube across London (Victoria and Bakerloo lines).

That’s excluding any time for the parents to drive the kids to the train station - plenty of villages don’t have a station at all.

Agree with this

Don't blame the GF. If she doesn't want to be in a relationship with a man who still visits his ex every 4-6 weeks, that's her choice

Your ex chose to prioritise his new relationship over his children. Blame him

My colleagues partner moved back to his hometown after an acrimonious divorce - he drives a 5 hour round trip every other weekend to collect his kids and have them at his home for the weekend. He also has them half of all holidays and pays a bunch of child support. So your ex is just being crap.
My dad was like your ex. He came to visit regularly when my granddad lived nearby so he could collect me and stay there, but once my grandad moved abroad I saw my dad maybe twice a year. He also wouldn't take any annual leave to look after me during school holidays etc. He refused to travel down to collect me so my step dad used to drive me halfway and meet at a service station. Once I was older I travelled up by train on my own. We don't have a great relationship now for obvious reasons.

What?

Which route are you thinking of? One that is 3h door to door by car buf 1h on the train?

And when you say “the parents can accompany them” - you are signing OP up for a round trip train journey every other Saturday because their dad is such a knob he moved 3h away? Kids may or
may not go free (doubtful at age 12) but OP won’t

Are you on glue?

It's quite possible that she has said no such thing and he's made it up just so he can stop visiting.

Any decent father would do everything he can to see his children regularly and stay on an amicable footing with the children's mother.

I would tell him straight that if it's true and the new girlfriend has issued an ultimatum and he's being a wet wipe and following her orders, the relationship is doomed to fail as she will ban him from going out with his mates, drinking and so on.

He is not to come crawling back to you to resume the arrangement you had as you are not going to let the children be mucked around.

Stay firm and strong.

A three hour drive might be an hour on the train?!

Kids go free on some routes

If the 12 yo isn’t mature enough then maybe the parents can accompany them?

Bloody hell. The ‘leave’ thing is outrageous.

I would tell him you use all your leave on being with the kids / childcare. It is his job as a parent to take them in the holidays. Tell him he needs to decide whether he is still a Dad or not because the children love him and miss him and need him, and if he continues being so careless of their feelings you need to know so that you can manage their expectations that they have a Dad in their lives.

One, their ages

Two, anything that’s a 3 hour drive is probably 4-5 on the train, and if the kids left Saturday morning and returned Sunday night, they’d spend half the visit in transit.

They are 6 and 12. 🙄

You want to know why a 6 and 12 year old can’t take a very long train journey by themselves?

You haven’t said why the kids can’t take the train to him on a weekend?

He doesn’t deserve you and the kids , you’re making the effort.. he’s making absolutely bare minimum.

He wasn’t doing great in the first place as only seeing them irregularly and infrequently. If he’s prepared to see them less due to his GF’s insecurity about him being in the same space as his ex-partner then he is an even poorer father than initially thought.

What does she think is going to happen? She clearly thinks you are intending to seduce him with a home-cooked cottage pie and an afternoon tryst while the kids are watching telly!! Very insecure.

If he’s that pathetic let it happen. (not the cottage pie 😬) Make sure he explains clearly to his children you are not putting any barriers in place to him spending time with them but he is choosing to defer to his GF’s paranoia so can’t see them ad often. It’s on him - entirely.