His GF asked him not to visit our kids anymore

Show the girlfriend the message where he has asked this, if he's not out it in writing already, repeat it back to him so he has to say yes for example "so you really aren't going to see your kids as much now because your girlfriend has asked you to do this?". Then show her.

I don’t get the impression OP is on such terms with the GF where she would be showing her messages!

It’s so sad for you and your kids. But you will keep on being their mother and he will sink into the background into his own self indulgent world and lose contact with his children over time . Believe me as a child with that experience he will look back in years to come and be full of regret whereas you will still have a family and your children will be ok. Not saying being on your own in the meantime will be easy or that it will be an easy path for your children. X

Call him out on his lie! Show the girlfriend the message where he has asked this, if he's not out it in writing already, repeat it back to him so he has to say yes for example "so you really aren't going to see your kids as much now because your girlfriend has asked you to do this?". Then show her. If he is lying it just might dawn on her what a POS he really is. Plus whoever made the decision should be outed for it and made to be accountable. They should own their decision if they really want to go through with it.

I dont get how its concluded in him seeing them a handful of times?

My son’s dad moved 2.5 hours away. He still drove down and picked him up every other weekend and took him back to his for the weekend. He never missed a weekend. He anlso ended a relationship with someone who wasn’t happy about our son going to theirs. And I genuinely think he’s a bit of a shitty dad at times!!! 😂
this is absolutely shocking.

I think you need to say outright that it will break their hearts. He's a loser and he doesn't want to be a dad.

Having him in your house is not ideal so lean into him making any other arrangement. Make it clear its his choice and he can blame his GF but ultimately the decision to ditch his own children rests with him.

Don't feel guilty about the child maintenance. If he stops seeing them it will be the ONLY contribution he's making. You might have a higher income but unless he's paying a high rent and you live rent free then he has a higher percentage of his income left over to spend on himself.

Impressed with your attitude to this whole situation. Sounds so frustrating.

I don’t understand why he’s seeing them at your house, he can drive the 3 hours to collect them and have then for a weekend at his? I don’t blame the new gf in not wanting him going to yours when he’s already cheated on her with you? The whole arrangement is a bit odd. Your kids are not tiny, he doesn’t need to be at your house when he sees them.

Does he sleep at your house @Twinkiebinkieseven? Is that the issue his girlfriend has?

Having read your updates I think you shouldn't be surprised if he stops seeing them, he seems to take the lazy option at every opportunity. His lack of prioritising whatever is needed to have proper contact with them suggests he doesn't actually have much love for them, or at least he has a lot more love for himself and his comforts. If you hadn't facilitated him visiting them at your house he probably would have stopped seeing them a lot sooner.

Tbh I don't think he should be seeing the kids at your house, he should be taking them with him and spending some proper time with them where he has sole responsibility for them, not visiting them at your house.

My dad was asked to make this choice by a girlfriend.

And that is why we have no relationship. He made his choice.

Useless feck of a sperms donor.

Hope you're going to get the full amount now too as he's not travelling as much...

Oh I know he's making her worse but when they first met she put an immediate ban on any phone communications, he used to call the kids see how their school day was ...speak to them before bed etc . Before his mask slipped and he abused her he would have a lot more communications with his kids then he told me he was sorry he couldn't call any more she was making him delete our number. I'm happier to just keep the kids back now even from the 2 annual visits now I know he is back to being a violent abuser. They have their own baby now too and the gf wanted my kids out tje picture from the week they first met when they were in the honeymoon period so to say. Before his mask slipped. Any time he would call to speak to the kids he started being rude to me while she sat and laughed. Shes definitely been screwed over but she's also got a screw loose and not a maternal bone in her body. My ex mother in law is sick of looking after their new baby so they can get drunk and fight then sleep all day . Horrible life to lead, my kids are well out the picture and safer for it now.

What a bum, ds2’s ‘father’ is the same. He should be taking them out instead of you catering for him in your home. Probably a control aspect that he doesn’t want you to have childfree time and potentially meet someone new. Ds2 dad used to visit him at mine and even once said you can think again if you think I’ll have ds2 so you have free time to meet someone new. 🙄He disappeared a few months ago and despite the initial upset I felt for ds2, life has been much less stressful not having to deal with his demands.
Leave him to God, arseholes like them always get their karma served one way or another!

Horrible situation for kids no matter what

Sounds similar to my situation. Father lives 5mins away. Youngest is autistic so has mood swings if overwhelmed or bored. He and girlfriend would have the kids every other weekend until they had their own kid together then she said she didn’t want my daughters autistic behaviour to rub onto their kid. All dad has to do is text to see them but doesn’t. End of day he has made his choice. Yes it is a rubbish choice but it’s all on him. Leave him a message to say to let you know when he wants to visit whether that be at yours or takes them out for day as long as he gives you couple days notice and that’s it. Ball in his court

No he's completely to blame.

He can turn around to tell her to that he's seeing his kids and she can sod off if she doesn't like it.

However the OP already said he's a habitual liar so he's probably spinning the OP and his GF different tales blaming them both on not seeing his children.

Wonder what crap he's going to tell the 12 year old when the boy is 16 or 18?

You said your kids' father is a domestic abuser and his GF acts odd.

Has it occurred to you that these are linked?

He's screwing with the GF's head and in turn she is screwing your kids relationship with their father.

Remember you got away.

So go back to CMS with the message he sent about not seeing them at all, and get them to reassess now there are no travel costs. If it is the girlfriend who has instigated this then, insecure or not, they’re both to blame. Her for getting between him and his children and him for letting her.

But yet again on here, father is a total deadbeat waste of space and a load of women come up with ways that the mother can solve it.

No fucking wonder men get away with behaving like utter selfish cunts when apologist women fall over themselves to clean up their messes for them!

What an awful dad, so sorry. Children should always come first.

Well then you can just unagree, can't you? As there are no longer any travel costs. Contact CMS again.

To be honest I think your life may be simpler and calmer if you just accept it. He sounds like an awful father, an awful partner and frankly not worth the trouble for your children of having him in their lives. Sometimes having a father around is worse than having no father at all. Also sounds like sooner or later he'll give up on them so why not now and get it over with?