Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

YABU.
You can leave them to party or just put your feet up and chill with them.
The days after Christmas are for quiet time. Maybe let someone else host, then you can leave early, though your husband may not come with you.

We invited them for dinner and scheduled it at 6:30 with a mention of an early morning the next day when we asked if they could make it that early. They understood that meant dinner, not drinking all night. When we invited family for Easter we called and said “Would you like to join us for dinner and an egg hunt on Easter? Auntie Carol is driving down that morning so we were thinking of people coming over from noon to 6ish.”

There are a lot of ways to directly and indirectly frame an invitation to set expectations. Since this is a change from prior years (reasonably so with a new baby) OP will likely need to be more direct.

Not everyone wants an up all night drinking to loud music Christmas to be their norm even if that’s what your family likes. But if OP’s family members want to have an open-ended drink all night Christmas they could always choose to host one.

Yanbu at all, I’m surprised anyone would think you are being unreasonable. Having a new baby is the perfect time to change Xmas arrangement and if you don’t do it this year it will never change. I would also really need that unwind time in the evening so I totally get where you’re coming from. its going to be exhausting doing Xmas morning with the kids and then making all the food with a baby in tow and keeping everyone entertained- I would definitely want a chilled evening after it all.

id invite them for dinner about 1-6 ish maybe so you can then get baby bathed and in bed and have a nice chill. I’d just message and say sometime like ‘can’t wait to see you all for Xmas lunch. Obviously things are a little bit different this year now we’ve got Baby so we’d love to see you any time from 1pm with lunch at 2.30pm. Baby will need to wind down for bed about 6 (and us probably!) so we’ll have an earlier finish time this year so we can sort baby out and chill with DS in the evening. Looking forward to a lovely afternoon with you all. See you soon’

they have no right to be annoyed. You’ve got 2 kids and you’re the ones hosting and making Xmas dinner- they should be grateful!

Mumsnet is full of threads about people getting stressed,hurt upset etc by other people because of assumptions. The lack of clear communication is mind blowing. Relying on other people to "realise" what has changed rather than communicating what has change up front is nuts.

OP is perfectly reasonable to not want a repeat of last year. I'm just saying she and her dh should have agreed what they do want at the time they issued invitations to their home for Christmas Day.

And don’t tell them you want to have Baileys and see a film with DH. That won’t go down well! Say it’s baby’s bedtime but then do what you want…

I’m surprised by some of the comments here.

Part of being a good guest is knowing when to leave. And some people are not good guests. The host to needs to politely set expectations.

I’d either call everyone or set up a whatapp group and say or send a message along the following lines.
We are really looking forward to Baby’s first Christmas but wanted to give you advanced warning that things will be a little bit different this year because of Baby. The plan so far is arrival and presents at X and we will eat at Y. Baby needs to start their bedtime routine at Z so I’d suggest you book taxis or plan to leave about quarter to Z so they can say goodbye and start to wind down.

Having one set of parents onboard will help get the other set of parents in line and out the door too.

Personally, I like the old fashioned way of writing on invitations
carriages at 11 o’clock
But I can’t remember the last time I had a written invitation, much less one with that written on it.

Absolutely not unreasonable to have a quiet house by kids bedtime around 7/8pm. Hosting Christmas dinner in the early afternoon does NOT mean you're obliged to host a loud-music heavy-drinking party into the wee small hours!

This sort of comment makes my blood boil. Of course the OP can talk to her in laws, they're her guests as much as her husbands.

I think you have a perfect opportunity to introduce a change this year. Invite people but tell them that this year you only do dinner and they can only stay until say 6pm as it’s LO bath and bedtimes. Say it with a smile and don’t explain much.
Plan everything with DH including amount of alcohol. On the day have dinner, chat/ fun and then start tidying up. Your parents are your secret weapon here. They should signal the end by their behavior to show in laws an example.
I’m a huge advocate of every one dealing with their side of the family but in this case it might be better coming from you, I don’t know your DH, mine could be a bit thoughtless delivering this message so I would do it myself ( to make sure that the message is delivered correctly 😉)

I would have much preferred to have to have spent the day alone reading a book or watching Christmas films than spend it somewhere when as soon as dinner was over the hosts wanted me gone.

well you seem determined to infer something negative and nasty in a kind gesture so not really sure what to say

Ofc YANBU, but it sounds like your in-laws are likely to take offence. That’s out of your hands though OP, all you can do is let them know the plan ahead of time (with your DH delivering the message).

We just set our stall out from the off for the day I “host” over Christmas. I say one of us will come and pick you up around 12, then we’re thinking taxis for 6ish and we can all settle in for the evening.

I have to put the control elements in for various reasons, one of which is booze related, but it’s never taken badly. And when they’re here, I really do try to make sure they have the best time.

Christmas Day itself, we have with just us and DC. I’d never let a family member be on their own, but as long as it’s an option to have a quieter day without drama or people drinking too much and impacting others, that’s what we’ll do.

Did you invite your friends by saying "Hey do you want to come over for dinner on Friday night? From 8pm to 11pm?"

I bet you didn't, because no, it definitely is not the norm, outside of children's parties. You mention that your friends "knew not to stay all night" and yes, that is exactly how it works. And within a family on Christmas day, it is normal for the day to go on late (if you are lucky enough to have a sociable family).

In this case there is a problem drinker, so managing an earlier evening seems wise though.

Are yours then only kids coming? Having your SS have to spend the evening alone playing video games to avoid a very adult gathering sounds a bit shit and anticlimactic to me. Your DH only gets to spend alternate Christmases with his child, he should be expecting to spend the evening with him. Banished upstairs while the rellys get loud and awful sounds hideous. But I hate drunk people!

Surely anyone with common sense realises that a couple who now have a baby aren't going to be up for guests into the small hours?

Petty? No, it's about clarity.

It seems more petty to exclude certain guests from part of the day. I honestly can't imagine inviting someone for only part of Christmas Day. They're either welcome or they're not.

You're fine to set whatever boundaries you like, it's your home.

But agree I'd just go to bed early and leave them to it- and I say that as someone whose social battery also depletes quickly. You can watch a Christmas film with a hot chocolate any other night.

Not the norm where I live. Not for your own parents on Christmas day! It's a very special day for most people, where the usual rules go out the window- up at 4am, selection boxes and bucks fizz for breskfast etc
A children's party is a completely different scenario. You need to actually pick your child up, often from a hired venue!

@mindutopia Great minds think alike!

OP, I dont know why being brought up in the 90s is relevant?! Boozy problematic family Christmases were a thing way before that!

The answer is simple. Just point out that as you now have a baby your routine has changed so you will be doing lunch at Xpm and they are welcome to stay until Ypm when you will be putting the baby down for the night. You are sure they’ll understand, really pleased you can spend baby’s first Xmas together etc etc. Bright and breezy.

If you get any push back comments just say . “ Well this is what we have decided will work for us “ ad infinitum

Yes, I think that’s perfectly fine. It’s just being considerate and managing expectations for this year. If they need to book taxis, it’s appropriate to make sure they know when the best time to book them is. Right after dinner, though, seems rude and abrupt. But when your baby goes up to bed seems the right time to say good night to everyone as surely you and Dh will be doing bath and bedtime to a degree and starting to settle down for the evening. All well and good for guests to want to party til midnight, but they won’t be up at 6am, will they?

I think just say, ‘Little Bobby normally goes up to bed at 7:30pm, so let’s get your taxi booked for then so we can properly see you off before we get stuck doing bedtime’. Or they can host and you can be the ones to make an early evening exit.

Your home, your choice. But, it is only one day of the year- and you have invited them. So, I think I'd just play it by ear and go up to bed when you want, leaving the rest of them to it. I wouldn't give them a going home time- you might even enjoy yourself and want to stay up later than you think!
If you do really want to kick them out a certain time, maybe tell them you're booking taxis in advance so everyone can enjoy a drink, taxis picking up at 7pm or whatever time suits.
Have a lovely time, whatever you decide.

I would just say as it's your baby's first Christmas you'll not be having a late night and by 8pm you want a quiet house to yourself. Simple

I don’t understand people saying it’s unreasonable to have a leaving time. Maybe you are all extroverts 😆 some of us have social batteries that run out earlier, and if it’s our house it’s actually torturous if the party goes on…and on…and on.

echoing others who suggest giving the invitation now with a note that due to 2 kids (one a baby), carriages please by 7 so that bathtime and bedtime can happen as normal. My dc needed that routine as a baby/toddler, slept terribly if she got overtired and that messed things up for both of us for days.

Of course it’s still the norm. We invited friends to dinner a few weeks ago to celebrate a promotion - they didn’t expect to stay all night because they have decent manners and know that an invitation to dinner is an invitation to dinner.

It’s fine to make invitations a “stay as late as you want” thing, but inviting people over for a specific time frame is also completely fine. And any guest who is angry because someone invited them for the day, prepared and fed them a big holiday meal and snacks, provided drinks, and worked hard to host for “only” 6-8 hours is quite frankly an ungrateful ass.