Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

YANBU. I can’t wait for this Christmas as it’s just me, DH and DS (who admittedly is 21) but no-one else. We’re having steak and chips for lunch with a nice pudding and then lots of treats and nibbles for our tea whilst watching Christmas films. It’s going to be lovely. We’ve had hectic family Christmas’s before and it was OK but knackering. Last year we tried going out for lunch (just me and DH as DS was working) but it was £150 of disappointment if I’m honest so we’re not doing that again 😂

I think it sounds absolutely hideous having to hide off by yourself on Christmas night whilst extended family all get pissed! It would be my idea of hell having everyone there that late. Will they be leaving under their own steam? Or will you be driving them home?

i would definitely set expectations in advance and say something like “we’re really looking forward to seeing you all for Christmas dinner this year - just to pre-warn you, since we have the children all day this year we would like to enjoy some quiet wind down/family time in the evening so I hope you won’t be offended that we don’t plan to make an evening party of it this year” so it doesn’t give an exact kick out time but makes it clear that it’s different to last year?

Stop the alcohol service after xmas lunch, make them coffee while muttering, "yes, lovely to have you, we must do it again another year blah blah". Sit and yawn for a while. Get baby ready for bed, skip bath time though or all the Grannies will want to 'help'. Get your own jammies on and if they are still hanging around, take yourself and baby to bed leaving DH to get on with it.

If the grandads are old fashioned, a spot of breastfeeding with everything hanging out might have them scurrying off too 🤣 (that worked for me after giving birth a few days before xmas).

It’s not your job to facilitate their drinking op. It’s not your job to continue the tradition of getting pie eyed either. They can go elsewhere for that.

Christmas should be about your children. Not dealing with arguments and drunks!

Your dh and you need to be strong on this point op. You are setting a precedent.

It’s inappropriate to be around young babies so drunk anyway!

Perfectly reasonable to set an end time. I wouldn’t be able to go to bed and relax if there were people drunk and arguing downstairs- that’s horrible.

I wouldn’t want that kind of behaviour around my kids. Set a boundary and stick to it. As others have said, they should be grateful you’re hosting them. Where is their effort to host???

A finish time of 7pm when the baby goes up to bed, seems perfect timing.

If you don't want to host, don't. You can't give them a time to leave by!

Perfectly reasonable to expect guests to leave at 9-9.30. No one wants to deal with a drunk relative at midnight then maybe get up to a baby a couple of hours later.

Set your boundaries and stick to them even if you have to start getting ready for bed, getting the vacuum cleaner out, plumping up cushions. You are the hostess so set your scene for you and your evening.

Hmmm

I certainly wouldn’t go to bed, and leave lots of drunk people downstairs! That is very rude. Nor would I accept having that around my young baby either.

Op, I think you state the finish time - your baby is a perfect reason to want to do things differently going forward.

You need to be strong this first Christmas as it will set a precedent. You need to do what's right for the four of you.

Baby is put down at 7pm, so we really need the house back by 6pm hope you understand

It's one night. You can have an intimate Xmas Eve and Boxing Day and all the other days.
Leave your dh and everyone to it if you want to go to bed early.
They may take the hint and leave but if your dh is ok with it then you both do your separate things.

Eh? Why is it inappropriate for a husband and wife to leave separately? You had my sympathies up to that point…

That seems like a
very reasonable time frame

Separate to this issue I think this is a wild perspective- my partner and I would never go anywhere together if the expectation was that we both had to leave the event at the exact same time all the time!

Sometimes one of you really wants to tie one on while the other is tired, or someone has work in the morning and the other doesn't etc. Seems daft for one person to miss out on what they want to be doing because the other wants to leave, or for one person to be hating their evening because the other wants to stay. How do you decide whose opinion wins?!

I seem to be in the minority here but my experience of Christmas Day is that any visitors leave early evening, no later than 7-7.30. Once you have children, you get up early for presents, cook a big meal, serve drinks and snacks and by early evening you've had enough. Evening drinks parties are for days when you have not been on the go all day cooking a big meal and hosting.

I don’t think you are being mean. We are having Christmas at one of our Children’s houses. We are staying in a hotel. We will not arrive too early and we will be probably be well gone by 8 o’clock to give our child and spouse some time alone after our grandchildren are in bed.

That would make me feel horrible, it's not like you were hanging around until bedtime. That's an invite that made themselves feel good about themselves but didn't care about how you'd feel. Like you should be grateful for a scrap of their time, not that they enjoy your company and want to spend time with you.

This, we invite friends over for Christmas Day every year. They will ask what time to show up from, but we'd never tell them to leave. They can stay over if they like, since they'll often be coming Boxing Day anyway. And they only live a few streets away!

Of course you’re not unreasonable. Just because some people like to have Christmas Day descend into a rowdy piss-up doesn’t mean you have to. I do agree though that you let them know asap, and if they decide the late night boozing is more important to them than spending the day with their new grandchild then that’s their choice.

I think I’d go with “Really looking forward to having you all her at Christmas. Obviously now we’ve got little baby ThreeTrees we’ll be winding down a bit earlier than usual. Can you book your taxis for 7:30 so we’ve got some hope of getting them to bed. Thanks!”

Edit: Frozensnow got there before me. And is obviously very wise.

I wouldn't send that. It looks like you're telling them to arrived between 12-6. Not that they need to leave by 6.

Not everyone wants an up all night drinking to loud music Christmas to be their norm even if that’s what your family likes. But if OP’s family members want to have an open-ended drink all night Christmas they could always choose to host one

yep- exactly, especially with a baby. If they love drinking into the early hours nothing is stopping them from hosting such a party is there? in fact, if their main aim is to get drunk then it makes more sense for them to host it because then they dont have to worry about travelling home

Surely any self-respecting adult would realise that the dynamic is going to be different this year with children in the house?
just tell them you’re happy to host but will be wrapping it up around the older child’s bedtime as there’ll be no lie ins for you in the morning.

Expecting me to leave straight after dinner was a bit mean especially when they hadn’t let me know in advance. It was so blatantly obvious they didn’t want me there. I hadn’t expected to be there until 10pm but as soon as dinner was over they wanted me gone. If they wanted time as a family maybe they shouldn’t have invited an outsider. I agree with a PP it was only a pity invite.