Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

I think that is fair enough. She invited you for Christmas dinner not for Christmas Day. I usually leave around 4/5 when I have been invited to lunch.

Not read all the responses but I think you would be perfectly reasonable to call time at 6pm. Next time you are chatting or texting just mention that with the baby and little one - you will have had an early start and that you would like to get them settled, so it won't be a late one this year.

There is absolutely NO imperative for you to host for 12 hours - that is just crazy talk.

You are allowed to end a party. There is no rule that you’re a shit host if everyone can’t stay for 12+ hours. The op is tired with a baby, there is especially no rule parents of babies must host for any extended time whatsoever. They are all pre booking taxis so transport is no harder to come by if they leave at 8 vs 11pm.

@Threetrees745 It’s not easy to get people to leave, when you want, as I found out with my db. My dm used to come to us for Christmas dinner, while dh’s dps went to his dsis for the day. We usually had dinner around 2-3pm, then afterwards we had an open house for any of my siblings and their family to come (dm wouldn’t come at all and would have just stayed home alone, if I hadn’t invited the rest of my family afterwards), with me putting on a small buffet spread.

Unfortunately my db and sil always came. Db was normally drunk when he arrived and would continue drinking. He always fell asleep by 7-7.30pm, then would wake up around 10pm and want to start drinking again. Of course by this time I was shattered, everyone else had gone home, my dh had gone to bed, which I also wanted to do, whereas he had had a nap and would happily carry on drinking for at least another couple of hours, which sil facilitated.

OP im with you, i wouldn’t want a drunk party house with small kids.

i would want people over at 11/12ish and pls fuck off by 6pm. I would be polite and kind with my family but crystal clear - we are an honest sort of family. I would ask husband to speak to in laws but if he did t I would ring them up myself and explain it in a kind way ‘I will be shattered by X time, thanks so much for understanding….’ Blah

but you must must tell people in advance

Yeah, if it was my in laws, I'd leave them with DH and just go to bed. Once it gets past normal bedtime, I genuinely think it's fine to do this - particularly if you've hosted them all day.

I can’t imagine doing this. It’s really miserable and unwelcoming.
Why not take yourself off to bed if you’re very tired and let your guests enjoy themselves?

I cant imagine being drunk and argumentative in someone else's house when they've been kind enough to cook for me and have a new baby.

Its really miserable, hateful and rude.

TheBigSalami · Today 10:59
I can’t imagine doing this. It’s really miserable and unwelcoming.
Why not take yourself off to bed if you’re very tired and let your guests enjoy themselves?

You CANNOT be serious...

Don't you need to 'put the house to sleep' safely? Switch things off, tidy up a bit, make sure the fire's dampened down, turn off lights, check doors are locked?

How are (possibly drunk) guests going to do that?

But guests who over-stay are rude and inconsiderate, so I wouldn't mind being a bit assertive with them.

No but I wouldn't do it on the day I would give them a heads up because of the baby and tiredness 7pm is the expected home time. (Not quite worded like that). So If they want to they can prep their own snacks and drinks for the evening.

Looking forward to seeing everyone Christmas Day for our gathering between 2pm and 8pm. Dinner's at 3pm, Taxis at 8.30!

God Mumsnet is so fucking weird sometimes. If the OP wanted to have Christmas Day with just her baby and DH everyone would tell her to go for it. But her PIL want to play loud music, get pissed and party until midnight and for some bizarre reason that's perfectly OK! The OP says she's very happy to host and will spend all morning cooking a lovely meal for two sets of parents and her step son but she doesn't particularly want her home to be turned into rave central!

It's not even "traditional" to play loud music and party until the early hours on Christmas Day in most homes, especially with a young baby. Most people flop and watch a film or play board games for example. Apparently however OP is the problem and she should dutifully take herself and the baby to bed like a good little woman. Wtf.

Exactly this

To me you shouldn't host if you don't want to be hospitable, and being hospitable means going with the flow and into the night. And especially at Xmas when everything else is shut, transport is harder to come by and no one has to be up the next day.

This is exactly what I think.
Also You can have a baileys and film the night before or after.

That's perfect. Everyone knows where they stand with that.

Hi op I would just be blunt about it. Send them all a text now saying ‘Hi everyone! Just wanted to let you know timings for Christmas Day —we're planning to start at 12.30pm and wrap things up at 8pm for kids bedtime so please can you plan your taxis for that time. Looking forward to seeing you all and enjoying the day’
It’s your house - your rules (as long as DH is happy too)

If they prebook taxis that is your obvious chance to give them a finishing-up time. So what if the MIL takes offence? Let her.
But the message about when they need to leave needs to come from both you and DH as a united front.

We had the same dilemma as you, as we are always the party venue, but since having a baby we don't set the time everyone leaves, but as soon as the baby was in bed, people are welcome to stay but all loud music is off and we play games etc instead, it's just something you have to do as a parent, you have to adapt, and everyone got straight on board with our new way of doing things, it's not caused any bad feeling etc.

I personally love that time of night, when all the stress of the day is over, and as hosts you're responsibility is over, so making people leave at that point seems quite inhospitable to me, but that might just be me!

Make boxing day your day to be together as a little family instead.

And yes, if one of you is getting bladdered than the other needs to stay (mostly) sober.

Wtf? So rather than guests having the common courtesy to leave at a decent hour, the hostess has to be banished upstairs in her own home, on Christmas Day? Seriously?

There is no law that says hosting Christmas Day = being obliged to allow guests to get pissed and stay all evening. And it is most definitely not inhospitable to put an end time to the proceedings.

OP- use this year with your new baby as the time to change the format. Tell everyone you're looking forward to hosting but will be winding things up at 7pm (or whatever time). You could also suggest that one of them hosts the evening 'do', if they all want to carry on.

Change into pyjamas?

You are the ones hosting so you set the timings, do NOT get bullied into hosting a late night party on Christmas day that you don't want, if you do it this one time now you have a baby you will be pressured to do it every time 'well you did it last year no problem' etc, NOW is the easiest time to change things around and set the precedent going forward.

Saying that though, I do think you need to think about your husband and what he enjoys though, if he is away half the year, and he enjoys getting drunk with his family and having a party as a one off then that's fine, there's no reason why he can't, I think you need to climb down off the 'both leaving together' idea now you have a baby, you don't both need to look after the baby at the same time, so you need to consider that he may want a bit of a break from responsibility and forcing him to leave a party and spend time with you when he does that for half the year is a bit unnecessary IMO, if he would do the same for you, then you should have no problem doing that for him.

I think this is the one, tbh. Can you designate Boxing Day or Christmas Eve for this and go with the flow on Christmas Day?

I genuinely think you yourself might find that approach less stressful that trying to awkwardly herd people out earlier than they'd naturally be inclined to go too. And it avoids any potential bad feeling.

If you think you can do that, after a certain time on Christmas Day (after lunch?), institute an "open fridge" policy where everyone serves themselves food and drink like it's their own home (i.e. you stop "hosting"), stick a film on and snuggle up with your DH. Let everything else unfold around you!

Blimey - poor kid banished to his bedroom on Christmas Day! Put baby down at 7, crack open a child friendly game, drinks and quality street then once the game is over, it should be a natural time to leave.

@Berlinlover I don't think this is mean at all. She invited you for "Cmas dinner" not "Cmas day!" And is entitled to some time alone with her parents after having a friend over.

If you expanded the invitation in your own mind to mean the whole day, that's on you. She didn't say that.

It seems eminently reasonable to me to let everyone know in advance a rough timetable. An early Christmas dinner with the expectation that an all night party is not in the offing.

At a certain point a final round of cups of tea could be arranged and there could be the handing out of doggy/party bags with a couple of mince pies, kazoos and Christmas stocking fripperies. Andrea Bocelli singing Time to Say Goodbye in the background, an optional extra.

Usher them out on a cloud of fluffy but firm good will!