Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

@Threetrees745 I would say something like dinner will be at X, but we will be putting Baby down at Y and spending a bit of time on our own/with SS as DH is not around much and this is our first Christmas with baby so we want to bath them together etc so please could you arrange your taxis for no later than 8.30?’ Obviously I worded that poorly but that’s the message you both need to go with. DH can tell his parents and he can say it is same for both sets.

She is prepared to be hospitable, just not until whenever o'clock and with drunken people.

Exactly, besides, everyone has the right to enjoy Christmas and OP has spent the entire day catering to them. Noone is stopping them having a piss up- they can do that at home.

What a weird way to frame it- either I come for 12 hours and get trashed or not at all 😂

When we were younger and we all had Christmas at MiL's house, she always made it very clear that come 6pm they were chilling and watching the Christmas specials in the living room. The ones looking for a bit of a party came with me and DH back to ours. It was great and meant everyone got to enjoy their night.

The OP says they go home by taxi every year. It is possible to get taxis at Christmas as a lot of taxi drivers (in my city anyway) are Muslim or Hindu and don't celebrate Christmas. Anyway, if she can't book a taxi why would a 10.30pm or 11pm home time make any difference?

Just curious... do your guests bring alcohol? If not, I might not have any on hand either... 😁

Would they even be able to book a Taxi ? Christmas day is usually booked for the few taxis avaliable .Even cabbies like a break! Maybe say a time about 10.30 or 11.00 say .You can have your Baileys as a night cap! Surely you can watch a film on Boxing Day!

Booze and music? Sounds like my kind of Christmas 🎄

I wish I’d had this conversation with my mum last year before she came. I was pregnant, so sick, with an almost 3 year old and by 7pm I was exhausted. We ended up having a massive argument as I just wanted to put my toddler to bed and crawl into bed myself and she wanted to stay and have me entertain her.

set a home time. Bedtime is a good enough point in time to say it’s time to go

Exactly.

I would bloody love to go to someone’s house which THEY have had to clean and tidy, to eat the dinner which THEY have probably paid for, prepped and cooked, to drink the drinks THEY serve and probably paid for, to kick back while THEY probably wash up, to let a nice taxi driver take me home while THEY look at the carnage and decide whether to start clearing up or bath baby, to watch a bit of crap TV before bed and have a lie in the next morning while THEY are up with a baby and welcomed by the day-before house.

But wait a minute, because they didn’t want me to get shitfaced and obnoxious at their expense, didn’t let me belt out Slade at midnight with their baby and stepson asleep, and wouldn’t just bugger off upstairs so I can paaaaartayyyy as long as my life and soul (🤔) self wanted, they are inconsiderate crap hosts, and actually shouldn’t host at all.

Nor does she need to keep shitty dysfunctional drunken Christmases that end up in horrible rows. Op can choose a completely different Christmas for her own family.

This is her moment to choose what SHE wants her children’s memories to be - and it’s clearly not the misery alcoholic fuelled arguments rooted in trauma no doubt. But a fresh, wholesome child centric Christmas wrapped around peacefulness, comfort and good food.

It is fine to impose an end time, but do let them know in advance.

Perfectly reasonable
In fact longer than I would manage
But probably why I dont host
The children will be exhausted, overwhelmed overtired and probably verging on bad behaviour by evening.
I'd say they need to go by 7 pm ,so you can get the kids to bed by 8 and have time to relax with dh after
It's hard work hosting ,they should respect that

Why be so all or nothing about it?! You can invite guests for a defined period, that’s a totally normal thing to do. They’d probably much rather come for part of the day than miss seeing their grandchild altogether.

It sounds like OP hosts because it’s convenient for everyone else if she does. That’s fine but certainly doesn’t mean she’s obliged to host them in manner she doesn’t like. She and her husband can reach an agreement - maybe every other year they have people stay late, or something like that. OP doesn’t have to permanently sacrifice what she wants for the sake of keeping everyone else happy.

It's one day OP. This sounds like when you book a table at a restaurant and you only have it for a certain time. I think it's rude on Christmas Day to ask people to leave by a certain time. You having Boxing Day to wind down. If you don't, because you're busy on Boxing Day, don't host on Christmas day.

I'd say "just thinking about Christmas and booking taxis. Thinking that this year won't be as wild now that tired hangovers aren't an option thanks to DC so booking taxis for 9 suits us. Really looking forward to seeing you all!"

If you want them to go by 9pm may I suggest you get DH to say 8.30 - 9pm for taxis to arrive.

It sounds more relaxed.

But being hospitable is subjective surely? You're saying that she might as well not bother if she doesn't want them to party until midnight. Why does there have to be an "all or nothing" attitude for heaven's sake? She's hosting them all day until 9pm and doing all the cooking and other preparations it takes to make it a nice day. I wouldn't think it was rude or odd if my daughter (or anyone) wanted me to go home at 9pm. How many people would expect to stay up getting drunk and playing loud music on Christmas Day in someone else's home? Especially where there's a baby and another young child. It isn't New Year Eve.

Just give them an end time. If people get offended then that’s their problem.

I think it's a bit miserable personally as it's only 1 day and I like to enjoy the whole day. If I felt how you did then I probably wouldn't host.

I know people have different opinions on this though and some people prefer a quieter Christmas. I love the chaos to be honest!

Agreed!

My husbands family will party all night. It's accepted now that at some point in the evening I leave them to it and go to bed. Often I don't actually go to sleep but will read and luxuriate in my own company. try it.

😂😂😂

Err tbf there’s no suggestion anyone has done this. OP is just anticipating/ trying to avoid this potential outcome