Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

Sounds grim, i dont think you should host

Why not invite them to come later say 1? I'd be pissed if I was invited for Christmas day and kicked out at 4.

I think if you want the house to yourself once the kids are in bed then 9pm is a reasonable cut off time and you can happily cite that the baby will have you both up at 5am on Christmas AND on Boxing Day. Share the planned timings for food and if people want to make arrangements to push off a bit earlier and go on somewhere they can. A post meal family friendly game of charades would have me reaching for the cab numbers pronto.

In your shoes I'd bring lunch forward to lunch time, eat when the baby naps and wind the day down by 7pm but I accept the risk is they are still there and even more leathered by 9. Sounds like hiding the extra booze might be an idea.

Some PP keep mentioning 9pm as a cut off time but I think that's a bit late, especially after a long day of excited kids and food prep etc. I'd wind down about 7 -7.30 and off they go. Basically tie it in with baby's bedtime.

Key times are when do they arrive, when will you all eat Christmas dinner and are there any other traditions (like presents or cake) that need to be fitted in? It doesn't have to be regimented, of course, but a vague idea of how the day might pan out will mean nothing's rushed and everyone gets the full Christmas Day experience. Hanging out until the early hours not optional!

@sandyhappypeople yes toilet breaks scheduled for 11:15 and 3:15. But no, this was a suggestion to try and get ahead of any conflict. OP has said the in laws will take it the wrong way if they feel they are being kicked out, your suggestion doesn't help with this issue.

Hahaha!! Tell me you're uptight without telling me you're uptight!

Do people get toilet breaks or do they have to be scheduled in?

Don't do this OP, just tell them that you're hoping to have an earlier finish because of the kids.. but make sure your DH is fully on board with that!

Did you miss that the OP now has a baby?

She can choose a completely different Christmas for her family, but I think it is the DH that may be the problem here, surely they could both arrange that the families are to be gone by 9pm and if they haven't then there's no drunken party vibe going on, by all means mention it now, but surely it doesn't have to be planned down to the last second at this point?

I may be well off base, but it actually sounds to me like the reason OP is worried about making it known know that they HAVE to go by a certain time, is that she can't really trust her DH to be on her team when it comes to the party side of things if things get a bit carried away and he's having a good time.

She wants a quiet night with him, and he sounds happy to party all evening, if you aren't both in agreement and one person is likely to want the party to carry on, it doesn't really matter what you plan now to be fair, the party person will undo it on the day, which will make you even more pissed off, or it would me anyway!

You both need to be fully in agreement as to what the plan is in advance, and there's absolutely no reason why DH can't be having this conversation with his parents instead of you.. unless you don't trust him or he doesn't want to of course? In which case the problem is him, not them.

Although I do disagree, and wouldn't impose a finish up time myself, I don't necessarilybthink you're being unreasonable.

It's once a year, and pyjamas, Baileys, and a film can happen the night before, after, or any other night of the year. I've never asked anyone to leave by a certain time, and haven't been asked to by family/friends. But we have always been happy to keep going until everyone's had enough. I get that not everyone is the same.

My concern here though is that, by 9pm, your guests would have been drinking all day, and would have entered "party mode". They will all be enjoying themselves and it will be harder to get them to leave. Plus, you'll probably just want to collapse in bed.

I know you're trying to be fair and reasonable, but you might want to consider making it an earlier finish, even if it's 7 o'clock. That way you can get the baby to bed, DH can tidy, and then you can relax as you want.

YABU - although that sounds harsh of me, sorry!

I'm of the opinion that you have opted to host, so for one day/night of the year suck it up and let people stay until they want to (it's not like they're staying until 3am, I don't think midnight is that wildly inappropriate on Christmas Day?!). As others have suggested, when you get tired just head up to bed, there's nothing sad or weird about that - these people are your family and you're a new mum. Have your cosy night in with pajamas and tv as a family on Boxing Day, Christmas Eve, NYE - literally any other day of the month!

Alternatively, don't host. You say you like hosting but get tired, stressed and want people to leave. That doesn't sound like you hosting!

she wants to host a family Christmas, not a party. Fair imo.

You could make a Christmas invitation with an itinerary and send to all -

8 - open presents
10 - watch xmas movie
12 - eat lunch
2 - xmas games
5 - snacks / leftovers
7 - kids bed time / taxi

Obviously edit to what your day would look like, but this way you can set expectations And if everyone has the same invite there can't be any accusations of favouritism etc.

Indeed.
Also, could any of the GPs host Xmas?

I don't think you're unreasonable OP and I think there have been some good suggestions re wording on this thread. Talk to your DP to make sure you're on the same page, get the messages sent and then it'll be off your mind.

@Threetrees745 who is the potentially person who gets drunk, argumentative etc? Might help with other. suggestions if we knew? Is it one of your inlaws?

I would just send a breezy message about how excited you are for the baby’s first Christmas but that you plan to spend a quiet evening with James Corden and Ruth Jones after the baby is in bed, so could they please book cabs for 7.30ish this year. Explain that your parents will be doing the same.

They could always carry on the party at one of their houses, you’re not stopping them!

Start as you mean to go on. No decent person would be critical, they’d understand that people with young kids need downtime and rarely want to be getting hammered on Christmas Day evening.

I'd be dropping a general message to all via whatsapp/text that says something like 'Just a heads up re Xmas Day, guys - last year we were child free and good to party til late but this year we have the little one so unfortunately the bar will be closing early! Looking forward to spending the day with you all'.

If anyone asks, make sure you're that there will be no more food/drink after a 7pm supper (for example).

If they try to outstay their welcome on the day, start clearing up and grabbing coats.

If they've been told, they've been told!

I really wouldn't leave it til the day.

This but 7pm...

I think it's absolutely reasonable to ask guests to leave at a pre-arranged time. If they want to party on later they can arrange to do so at their own homes. Hosting at Christmas is tiring. It's not just Christmas day, the whole day prior is spent preparing food, etc.

Personally I don't think Christmas day should be about drunken parties... surely that's a New Year's Eve thing?

I think 9pm when you have a baby is a reasonable time for people to leave.

Assuming your mum and dad are not the troublesome guests, I'd ask them to help out with the leaving time, perhaps your mum could say at 8pm - "oh is that the time already, you must be exhausted with the excitement and running about after us, especially with the little one too! We've had a lovely day. ThreeTrees dh, can you order a taxi for 9pm for us, George, Mildred will we order one for you guys too and let mum and dad sort the kids out for bed? Is that okay ThreeTrees dh?".

Then your dh just needs to say, that would be perfect, its been a long day, but it has been great to have you all here then pick up the phone.

Of course you're entitled to give a cut off time...If it's your house and you're doing the lion's share. Your MIL will have to suck it up when your DH tells her the plan.

Our family had a departure time of 7 o'clock, either from our hosts, or if we were hosting.

I feel your pain Op, this would be my idea of hell .
I think it’s very reasonable to tell them “ whilst we enjoyed last years very late party, this year we will have 2 children overnight and therefore an early start on Boxing Day so its taxis at 9pm please “
They can always party back at one of their houses if they’re that keen .

She sounds very sensible and not at all rude, just clear

Why may the OP and her DH not sit and watch a film and have a Baileys in their own house on Christmas Day?
Bearing in mind they'll have shopped/prepped/cooked/served/hosted for the bulk of the day, not to mention herded their child and looked after a baby.