Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

If it was me, I’d rather she hadn’t bothered at all than make it clear I’d outstayed my welcome as soon as it’s dark. Berlinlover might otherwise have made plans elsewhere, or for a nice day to herself where she wasn’t made to feel like a spare part.

I'd go for something subtle like this 😂

100% not unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time! You're hosting them for a day, not an all night rager. People shouldn't impose themselves on others, especially not loud music / drinking / parting when it isn't wanted.

Surely it was kind of your friend to invite you for Chistmas dinner? Even if you had to leave earlier than you expected, it must have been better than having Christmas dinner on your own at home.

I mean it's fine, but personally the year we had babies and did a "just us" Christmas it was so boring. And we're not a big party and drinks family.

It just turns into any other day when you're getting the baby and the child off to bed at a certain time. It's lovely having everyone up, kids asleep under the table, grandad nodding off in the chair.

Honestly, if they expect a part vibe then 9 is still too late. What are rhe kids supposed to he doing well the adults are all chugging back booze and partying? Christmas with small children should be family games or TV in your pjs. Not being sent to bed upstairs whole uncle whatever gets drunk and loud downstairs

9pm is a bit of an awkward time to leave IMO - if they're the type to be boozing all evening then ideally you want them gone at 5/6ish so they can safely install themselves somewhere else for the night.

Can you do lunch earlier and make it clear you are hosting for the day time activities but they'll need to go somewhere else for the night?

OK, so last year you didn't have kids, this year you do. Absolutely out a stop to an evening drinks party. I'd make it clear its family friendly this year, ie, after xpm you will be qatching a Christmas kids film with DC, they are welcome to stay but it's not appropriate to be drinking heavily around small children so it's cocoa only other than the wine or whatever with lunch.
Definitely protect your kids from pissed adults

My sister in law used to gently signal that it was time for her guests to go home by asking 'another cuppa before you hit the road?'.

You have to time it right, though, for when there's a natural lull in the proceedings.

She says that it works every time.

My family are dead and a few years ago a friend asked me to join her and her parents for Christmas dinner. At 4.30 she said “let me know when you want to go home”, so I ended up going home around 5 o’clock. I thought it was very mean. At least you’re giving your in laws advance warning you want them to go home early.

If you want a chilled evening in your pyjamas, you don't invite guests in the first place!

And who said she'd be doing all the work? Nobody.

She can set limits of course. But not alone, and if your main concern is getting people out there seems little point in having them at all.

Do you have to continually host them? Can you not relax with them there?
I think yabu to ask them to leave early. Its Christmas and they want to spend time together. Maybe ask them to host and then you can leave when you want.

If you're going to do this, tell them now. Going home after dinner is a vastly different experience from making a night of it. Give them plenty of chance to make alternative plans, because to change to what you are suggesting may feel very flat and disappointing. Not that that's your responsibility, but it is your responsibility to warn them so they can choose what to do.

Because if what OP wants is a chilled evening with her baby followed by Christmas tv in her jammies, being banished to bed while a rowdy party goes on in her house isn’t a great solution. Why is it only her husband’s happiness that matters?!

There is room for compromise here, and too many women are left in the shitty position of doing all the work of Christmas without getting to enjoy it the way they want to. I’m not saying that’s definitely what’s happening here, but I don’t see why OP can’t set reasonable limits in her own home when she’s the one hosting.

I don't really get it, a Baileys and a film and early to bed.....you can do that literally any night if the year. Why does it have to be the one day you've invited guests over, on actual Xmas day?
Seems a bit not in the spirit...here's your turkey, now fuck off.

It is very much all about what you want

What does your husband want ?

This is where I think your expectations are unreasonable.
You're trying to squash 2 totally different Christmas Days into one.
Indulge and chill all day boxing day rather than sending everyone home early. If you and the dc are exhausted it's fine to set a time limit. I just think you're unlikely to get that chilled, movie watching evening with excited, exhausted dc.
You risk spoiling what sounds like a really happy Christmas Day without gaining.

Mmm I thinking winding down at 8/9 is probably fine. Kicking people out at 4/5 is way too early.

I think that's fine. You said your parents will understand, can DH talk to his?

Relaxing later in the evening with a film is what I do on Christmas day

But does he? You havent said, it seems to only be about what you want

OK, then that is the perfect basis for your DH to say ‘we’ve got the kids and the baby this year so we’re doing hot chocolate and ‘carriages’ at xxxx time - just to let you know so that you can arrange taxis and all go back to yours for the party”