Would I be unreasonable to ask people to leave by a certain time on Christmas Day?

No I think that's very reasonable esp if there's a baby in the house

I think it’s perfectly reasonable, if your husband is on board with the idea and you pre-warn in-laws now. Frame it as being knackered/wanting some time to chill, whichever you think will go down best with I laws.
i personally think having a new baby is reason enough to make changes.

also: no way would I want someone who routinely gets drunk and argumentative in my house at Xmas. Ugh. Sorry you’ve had to deal with that previously

At first I thought YABU because early sounded like 4pm, but I think 8/9pm is a normal time to wind down Xmas dinner and with notice that this is to be the case, can't see how anyone can complain. If it's too late, because they want to be settled somewhere to drink, they can leave earlier.

can you two not do that any other night?

Xmas for me is about not doing the normal stuff and everyone who is invited over having fun- as host you suck it up or don’t host?

Text/email/whatever communication you use:

”Hi! Looking forward to seeing everyone at Christmas between 12:00 and 18:00! See you then! 🎄”

You're framing it as pity - thats on you. She may have just thought it would be lovely for you all to have lunch together and then spend time with her family in the evening. If I was invited for lunch, I wouldnt presume I'd still be there at 10pm, I would respect the fact that she might want some time with her family.

It seems rather petty to say "I want to stay for the entire day otherwise I'm not coming"

It's not at all unreasonable, best to say in advance rather than just bringing them their coats when you had had enough

It's extremely rude to outstay a welcome

Op shouldn't have togo to bed! She wants to relax in her own home after a busy day. Dh can take the party to his parents house if they all wish to carry on drinking where am sure there's no young children.
Yes I would give them a leaving time probably early evening tho not straight after lunch.

I'd have wanted to know that I was only invited for part of the day before accepting the invitation. I'd probably have opted to do my own thing for the whole day rather than accept what turned out to be a pity invitation.

Could you do something radical and invite them for Christmas breakfast/brunch instead?

That'll mean they get to enjoy the kids' excitement early in the day, all the cooking and eating is done by the middle of the day, and no huge expectations re alcohol...and then everyone can retire to their own sofa later in the day.

I'm no scrooge, I love a party...but when there are kids and a weary mum in the mix sometimes it's good to do things differently!

This should be easy really. It should be possible to message everyone saying something like 'Really looking forward to you all coming over for Xmas dinner. We're planning to wind things up around 6 this year and have a quiet evening with the kids.'

Invitations to come celebrate from X to Y time are the norm, not some wild idea. I took my DC to a birthday party this weekend and none of the guests were offended that it was scheduled from 10am-1pm

That was a child's birthday party. It absolutely is not the norm for adults who are inviting family to their homes.

In this case however there is a good reason to cap it early.

I dont think it was mean either and if she hadn't asked at all, then you would have said she was unkind and uncaring. Its not wrong for her to want some time with just her family

Honestly, I don't think that was mean. They welcomed you for Christmas dinner, but possibly wanted some time as a family together in the evening.

I really don't want that for my kids!

And you shouldn't, it's completely inappropriate for adults to get pissed and bolshy and argumentative when there are kids in the house. Heck, its unpleasant when there arent kids there!

one of the family members we are hosting has form for getting too drunk and argumentative which has spoiled some lovely events in the past

In general I think chasing people out early on Christmas day would be a bit sad. But if you have someone who gets tiresome when they are drunk, it is for the best. I would actually explain that to everyone else "Listen, we're aiming to get everyone on the road by 10pm before Jimmy starts picking fights. You know how it goes." I think with advance warning, everyone will see the sense in that.

YANBU. Give a schedule ahead of time so people can plan ahead.

I don’t know where people are getting this “don’t invite people at all if you don’t want them to stay indefinitely” dosh. Invitations to come celebrate from X to Y time are the norm, not some wild idea. I took my DC to a birthday party this weekend and none of the guests were offended that it was scheduled from 10am-1pm and we were all handed party favors and thanked for coming at 1pm. Same at the wedding I went to two weeks ago - those who wanted to keep partying just went elsewhere. And well-mannered guests would never want to outstay their welcome.

Tell them you need them gone in time for you to sit and relax for the gavin and stacey finale 😂

I think they should understand with 2 young children in the house now, just explain, I am sure they will understand

Surely that should have been decided and communicated at the point people were invited?
If there's a change to previous arrangements then guests needed to know then.

Well you can ask, and if you're going to set a departure time it's best to do so in advance so everyone knows what to expect. You can't control what people will think of it though. They sound like the type of person who thinks the best bit of socialising is the post-8pm drinking and making merry (I'm one of those too), and they've done it at your place before, so I wouldn't blame them for feeling disappointed.

It's also quite unusual if I think about it. I don't think I've ever been told a departure time for this sort of thing, and I've never hosted anything that I wasn't happy to last well into the night. To me you shouldn't host if you don't want to be hospitable, and being hospitable means going with the flow and into the night. And especially at Xmas when everything else is shut, transport is harder to come by and no one has to be up the next day.

I wouldn't invite anyone who was an unpleasant, argumentative drunk though, family or not.

That's not to say I don't sympathise with you as I certainly know the feeling of just wanting a chilled Xmas. The answer to that is not to host at all, not to try to have your cake and eat it.

Set up a Christmas WhatsApp and say looking forward to Christmas already, starts at x time, dinner at x time then home time is 8.30/9pm as need to get kids to bed … they all get same message at same time

Of course it's fine to invite people round and say to them that you want things winding down by a certain time, just say to them, in advance, that after 8pm or whatever you want a bit of time to yourself. I can't stand people who overstay their welcomes when it's obvious that you want them out of the house.

Nothing at all wrong with wanting guests to leave at a convenient time. I couldnt be doing with people at midnight either who get pissed and argumentative either- its horrible anti social behaviour.

I'd be making it clear that you are ring fencing some time for just your family. They should be happy you're hosting it and taking on the hassle of that, its pretty unreasonable of them to demand to stay until the early hours just to get pissed.

Ah, lovely. We’re only having one family member this year, but next year we’ll be hosting many more and I’m going to 100 percent aim for “everyone up, kids asleep under the table, grandad nodding off in the chair” ❤️