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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Draining guests

138 replies

FunkyGoldfish · 18/11/2024 08:14

We have friends who come and stay once a year. They both eat a lot (much more than we do) and expect breakfast, lunch, snacks and evening meal. They like a drink. This last visit (they stayed 3 nights), we got through 8 bottles of wine, 6 beers plus G&Ts - most of that was consumed by them. They expect us to drive them everywhere when they are here and never offer to use their car. Over the years they bring less with them - they used to arrive with wine, chocolates, flowers - this time, they brought one bottle of wine. They have always paid for an evening meal at a pub on one of the days but we end up paying for coffees/lunch out - they never offer but just say "we're taking you out for a meal" as if that justifies us paying for everything else. They both have good jobs and earn more than us. Their visit costs us a small fortune and we are exhausted afterwards. We have never stayed with them - they've never invited us. I think they see their stay here as a little holiday (we live in a popular tourist area) and, tbh, we feel used. They've only just left and I'm already dreading getting the message asking when they can come next year. What would you do?

OP posts:
IsawwhatIsaw · 18/11/2024 08:24

You are letting them use you.
if you want to stay friends, suggest you go to their house for a change.
But it sounds like understandably after their behaviour, you don’t like them much. So in that case, can’t you just say a firm no, it’s not convenient any more.

Rainbowshine · 18/11/2024 08:23

“We can’t host this time. There’s a nice hotel/place to stay in (place).”

If they ask why not or put the pressure on, just keep repeating that you aren’t able to, don’t get drawn into giving a reason or explanation. Or if you must, “it’s personal” in a quiet voice and look away, and then say nothing else about it.

icecreamscoops · 18/11/2024 08:23

Change the first sentence "we have freeloaders..." they are definitely not friends!

TheSilkWorm · 18/11/2024 08:22

Stop inviting them?

Doingmybest12 · 18/11/2024 08:21

Say you'd love to come them next time. You can't really have people to visit , provide all of that and complain about it. Either do it in a way you are happy with or don't do it. Buy less wine, pay for yourself for coffee but don't begrudge driving in your area or giving them breakfast and lunch .

Tooty78 · 18/11/2024 08:20

Holiday booked last minute, or other guests are coming to stay.

Evaka · 18/11/2024 08:19

Shut it down. Sounds like you don't like them at all but are hosting and driving them around your local area, filled with resentment. Why?

Francias · 18/11/2024 08:19

Why on earth do you invite them?!

Onlyvisiting · 18/11/2024 08:19

Or have covid. Graphic d and v?! 😅.
Honestly, I think it is bloody cheeky and something people who love in tourist areas with a spare room always struggle with.
You could reply to them next year that ' actually, we fancy a change this year for our annual get together, we'll come to you this time, let us know a convenient date' And see what happens. But do you actually want to see them?

Shoxfordian · 18/11/2024 08:19

Don't host them anymore, say it's not convenient

Zonder · 18/11/2024 08:18

Just say it doesn't work for you. Do you have any contact with them outside of these visits?

Onlyvisiting · 18/11/2024 08:17

I'd be unfortunately redecorating the spare room. Permanently

SlightlyGoneOff · 18/11/2024 08:16

So why do you keep saying yes to them, or, when they stay, paying for everything and driving them around?

If you really can’t face being honest, just tell them you’ve become an alcohol-free house with a total no-alcohol policy.