Draining guests

I really like this as a response, assuming that you would actually like to visit them/ maintain a connection.

As a few previous posters have suggested, when the subject of their next visit is raised by them, either in an email, other social media message, or by phone, simply reply "It's our turn to come to you next."
No sorry, No prevarication, no need to say anything else. Then change the subject.
If they ask why, just repeat the same sentence. Then change the subject.
If they try and come at it another way, just repeat the same sentence. Then change the subject.
Make sure your OH is primed to do the same. They will get the message. And if they then try to arrange your visit to them (which I doubt they will), just say "We'll get back to you." Then change the subject. Then don't get back to them (unless you actually want to go and stay with them).
It helps if you and your OH practice this between yourselves beforehand.
This is not rude - they are the ones who have been repeatedly rude. It's just you firmly asserting boundaries.
I speak from experience!

How old are you and how long have you been doing it? I think I'd just say with a laugh you're getting older and finding it all too difficult now.

I would be tempted to do this too. “It’s all starting to feel a bit one sided. Hosting you costs us a lot in money and effort and you’ve never invited us back.” As pp said you have nothing to lose. If they stop coming it will be their loss and your gain.

You are being an absolute doormat!

Read over your OP then read it again - don't you feel a bit daft?

All of this is in your hands. These people are not your friends, you hardly ever hear from them and you only see them when they want a(nother) free holiday.

Delay replying to their texts so that contact is minimal throughout the year then when you get next year's 'when shall we come visit?" just say you've had lots of visitors over the past year and you want some time to yourselves then keep repeating each time they ask.

If you keep letting them walk all over you then nothing will change.

“Unfortunately we’ve concluded that hosting guests isn’t affordable for us, we live in a popular tourist spot so I’m sure you’ll understand”

Just say no! It's amazing.

But that only works, if, as you acknowledge yourself, if everyone is operating according to the same cultural norms about hosting and paying. I come from a similar background to you (an annual lunch after an anniversary mass is enlivened by each of the three siblings (my mother, aunt and uncle) present trying to pay for everyone, and people sneaking off to the loo to pay surreptitiously, culminating in one year, when the staff were a bit distracted, in the bill being paid twice!), but I have enough friends from cultures with very different expectations to be flexible.

If the OP hosts these people annually, but doesn’t ever go to stay with them, then the system of rough reciprocation isn’t going to work, as the hosts are never guests, so will only get the token lunch in reciprocation for three days of feeding, watering, entertaining and transporting.

please come back when they have messaged you and let us know what you replied :)

No.

This, or a version of this. Now, while the memory of their visit is still fresh in your minds.

There are always people on these threads who don't understand how you could end up being taken advantage of as a host and I in turn don't understand why they don't understand! My background is west of Scotland working class but I think this is common in the UK generally, that among friends and family you err on the side of generosity whether you're hosting or being hosted - like if you go out for food say, there's a whole "now you put your money away" fight to pay each time, but within that, broadly you would expect over time to come out about equal in terms of what you contribute. If someone is long term not contributing, we would never be so unstylish as to say anything to them, but we would slowly stop inviting them to stuff. If it was someone who didn't understand the rules at all - I had some German colleagues at uni for example who fell foul of this - for them I would break the fourth wall and explain what is going on, but even then, I would expect most adults from any culture to realise that generosity between friends can't always go the one way, and there needs to be some reciprocity somehow, even if you're missing out on the cultural cues to do it. And if someone is going to have to question the social rules in order to make that happen, it's going to be far nicer if you go "I can't keep accepting all these drinks off everyone, please let me buy a round!" than if you say nothing and eventually your hosts feel like they have to say "actually we think it might be your turn to pay" - which is much more awkward for everyone and is a total friendship killer for me - something I would only ever do if I was so pissed off with the person's ongoing stinginess that I was happy not to see them again.
I could well imagine that the OP had a couple of visits like that where the guests ended up getting a bit more than they received and she thought "it'll even itself out the next time" but the CF guests have taken it as carte balance to be even cheekier this time! I can't imagine they have many long term friendships like that, but maybe they prefer free dinners to friendships, some people are like that.

Since they've just gone back , now is the time to nip this is the bud.
Dear cf , we enjoyed your stay so much and it was great to see you. However going forward we've decided that we will be unable to host guests for the foreseeable.
Don't wait for them to contact you, get ahead of them and get in there first

Just tell them no.

That’s not friendship. That’s how acquaintances keep in touch or CF who want a free holiday. There’s no need to pussyfoot around with them because you know, but for the free holiday you wouldn’t hear from them at all.

Just tell them that it feels weird having them in your home for three days as there’s so little contact between you for the rest of the year.

Really like this

I would be inclined to tell them that since moving to this popular tourist area, you have had so many people visit that you don't have a moment's peace and it is wearing you both out, so you have made a decision that you will no longer be hosting anybody (except your parents). But can recommend a good hotel just up the road and if they are visiting the area, you would love to meet them for a coffee.

To be fair to your guests op, taking you out and paying for one meal out of a three-night stay is a reasonably generous gesture imho, but I see they do drink a lot, and expecting to be driven around is cheeky.

No I don’t think one meal is reasonable. When visiting friends for 3 days we would take them out for 1 very good meal, but would still expect to come with lots of alcohol etc. if we had a coffee we would fight for the bill. Our friends are the same.

If you enjoy seeing them then go with the ‘why don’t we come to you next time’ approach.
otherwise you either need to say ‘can we do things a little differently’ and explain or be vague and non-commital when they broach the subject of another visit. You need to take control of this and anticipate how they will react to whatever you say.

Why are you friends if you have barely any contact except when they visit and then you are left poor and upset? You don't have to be nice to people who are horrible to you. Friends are supposed to enhance your life.

Dear Freeloaders, We have decided to no longer host our friends due to private circumstances (we hate freeloaders if you're nosy enough to ask).

Job done.

I’d either be honest - ‘it’s great to see you guys but we can’t afford to do what we just did, cost of living!’ or obfuscate about dates till they get the message. If neither works for you next time they come just buy one bottle of wine per meal. Once it’s drunk it’s drunk. Don’t buy them coffees, take a flask. No steak, sausage casserole. Match their energy!

they've never invited us. I think they see their stay here as a little holiday (we live in a popular tourist area) and, tbh, we feel used. They've only just left and I'm already dreading getting the message asking when they can come next year.

Read this back, OP. Why are you waiting for an invitation when they invite themselves? Why do you always wait for them to offer to pay, rather than simply saying ‘We’ll split this.’ Don’t stock up on the drinks they like - when you run out, tell them to go and get whatever they like.

Stop being such a doormat!

This 😍

Tell them you've gone teetotal. In my experience, they will run away so fast, they will leave a hole in the air...