To be upset by sister’s attitude

In this situation? Yes it bloody is.

Nasty and unnecessary. Nothing wrong with asking MN for advice before you act, and there are some good suggestions here. And suggesting she drop her whole family and go NC over a wedding is batshit in itself. She just needs to find her mojo and stand up to bridezilla.

Why are you being so aggressive?

"Drop them all and go NC", she confidently typed from the safety of her living room. The easiest and most sensible thing apparently.

Sorry just can't imagine how this sister has a single friend, never mind as many for a wedding... and how she's even found a husband 😄😄😄

Seriously, are you not really angry that your whole family want you to put your sisters demands before the needs of a 10 week old baby? Why have you not told the lot of them to fuck off? If you don't start putting the needs of your children before her then this will be it for the rest if your life. So what if she kicks off, if she uninvites you from the wedding then enjoy the peace.

Tbh, you’ve got great advice on this thread but you seem to make excuses that you can’t do this or that so what’s the point? If you want to be at the beck and call of someone, who, from your posts is nasty, dramatic and manipulative, then just carry on doing what you’re doing. I just wouldn’t bother with her tbh, definitely wouldn’t commit to bridesmaid duties and focus on your own family. If you get fallout, which it seems you might, you can choose to ignore it and not get involved. I’m not an advocate of ‘going NC’ but you can definitely withdraw engaging with such nonsense and challenging your mother on her different stances. You don’t have to tolerate this from your family-if you don’t keep the peace, so what?

The OP would rather post on MN about it, talk to her batshit-enabling mother, reason with a crazy narcissistic b*tch, than do the easiest and most sensible thing - drop them all and go NC.
You know very well OP that nothing will change unless you walk away.

She sounds like hard work. Is it really worth putting yourself through all this being her bridesmaid?

That's not a bad suggestion.

If you can give a reason thar takes it put of your control, their anger may be directed elsewhere which would make it easier for you.

There are lots of good suggestions on here but it's also clear that some of them are grom people with no idea how destructive these dysfunctional families can be.

If she uses bf as an excuse, people will accuse her of being selfish and babies don't have to he bf.

If she'd pulled out when she found out she was pregnant, that would have caused similar issues - she'd have been accused of making her early pregnancy, 9 months in advance of the birth more important than the wedding. They wouldn't have been sensible and projected into the future to understand the implications because people like this don't.

There is no reasoning with people like this so it's easier for you if you just don't try. Present it as a done deal and leave no room for 'solutions' on their part.

Quite simply, you aren’t in any position to fulfill your obligations as bridesmaid to this particular bride.
If your sister happened to be chilled and easy going then it might work but from what you say, she definitely isn’t -quite the opposite. You know it will be a nightmare with tantrums. Her demands are impossible for you to meet.

Your responsibility as a new mum is to your own DC, one of whom will still be breast feeding. I can’t think of any good reason why anybody would abandon their new baby and deprive it of food for a few days. Your selfish sister really isn’t a good reason OP.

Either she comes to her senses, or you stand down as bridesmaid.
So try to have a good calm talk about it with her and the minute she strops out of the room you will know what you must do.

You're a mother now, and your number one priorities have shifted to your children. To baby will need feeding.
You need, for everyone's sake, to pull out of being bridesmaid. Tell your sister it's for her sake so that the unpredictables are taken out of the equation.

OP with the greatest respect whatever you do on the day, you’ll be wrong if she perceives that your attention is away from her and her ‘day’ ’ for even the briefest of moments. So you’re going to be torn. You have to take a stand here well before the wedding so that there’s time for things to settle down and other arrangements made.

Tell her honestly what is likely to happen because you have very young baby who you are not prepared to leave for any significant length of time, and tell her that from what you know of her expectations, it’s not going to be compatible with what she wants on what, when all is said and done, is her day. So you’re stepping away early so that she can find a replacement. However you try to resolve this, and whatever compromises you suggest, you’re going to be accused of making it all about you anyway, so you may as well do what’s best all round, and definitely what’s best for you.

Oh and l’d be telling her in no uncertain terms that when your waters break is out of your control, so if she doesn’t want to take the risk at the hen do, then you won’t attend that either. That’s taking Bridezilla to the extreme.

Then she'll complain that she's making it all about the baby 🤣
Never mind the wedding, I'd be going low/no contact full stop!

Did you get support from your immediate family when this happened? If not, I would definitely pull back from them all. Your sister's demands on her pregnant sister are ridiculous and verging on abusive. What happens if you decide to breast feed? You would have to take your baby to the wedding in that case. Don

Like how any of you can take her seriously after the cream jumper incident is insane to me. I’d have literally laughed at my sister for that one.

Honestly? She sounds mentally unwell. And you’re a family of wet lettuces.

Stepping down as bridesmaid is definitely the best thing to do - and also for you. It will show you and your whole family that no-one has to keep on putting themselves out for others who treat them badly. And if they turn on you - then they never did care about you.

When you are older, I promise you that you will look back on this time in your life and wonder why you put up with being treated so badly. Life is too short to spend it dancing to an arsehole's tune.

I’m also on the side saying step away from any kind of “role” for the wedding.

If you need a “valid” reason why that might reduce the reaction from your family, then you could say that you have had advice from your midwife/doctor/health visitor that it’s going to be incompatible with your health and recovery to be that involved in everything.

She sounds Pycho & is risking souring her relationship with you ( & possibly others) for the sake of her “right” to be demanding on her wedding day.

I would go low contact immediately after the wedding. And not pander to her excessively before it. Be polite to her but also do what’s best for you and your family.

I'm not usually so black and white with responses OP but I think the only solution is to stand up to dsis and step down as bridesmaid. If you don't then you'll be pandering to this shit your whole life whilst trying to also juggle 2 small children. If she strops then let her strop. If the rest of your family strops then let them. They're grownass adults and so are you. You all need to get a grip and stop letting this silly little princess rule the roost. Your little family is your priority now and they need you to make the decision that's right for them.

Breastfeeding is the ‘trumps all’ argument.

There is no way that I would have compromised bf for a wedding.

My baby wouldn’t take a bottle, but I wouldn’t have broken the bf to leave my baby ‘for a few days’.

And even if you are not planning to bf by 10 weeks, they don’t know that …

Honestly, as soon as you got pg it would have been better to resign as bridesmaid.

Just say you are , with regret, resigning so that she can appoint someone who can better meet her needs.

"If you don't stand up for yourself then you're in for a lifetime of this & rest assured that if your sister becomes pregnant you'll all be expected to treat her like a princess & expect nothing from her. How you've been treated will be conveniently forgotten or completely denied."

This is what I fear. Given how outlandishly selfish she is being over this wedding, one can only imagine how it will be when she's the only woman to have ever had a baby...while the way she treated you will be swept away as nothing.

Just know that you are doing your best.
Look after your little family.
Be there for the bridesmaid duties in the church and for photos. Your sister will not notice you not being there for any other minute.

If you are one of only two bridesmaids consider whether to ask your sister to choose someone to take your place.

If there are three or more bridesmaids, let the others do the lions share of the jobs. It's okay to miss the hen's do or only go for an hour or so..

Do what you can comfortably manage. Get dressed up and go together with your husband and kids.

Meh. Honestly it sounds like she's batcrap crazy snd you are going to fall out with her sometime any way, might as well be before the wedding as after!
You don't need to engage with histrionics, just calmly say that you've realised you won't he able to fulfil the bridesmaid role as she needs, too bad, so sad, but you'd love to come as a regular guest so will see her on the day.
And don't engage or answer if she has a shit fit. Stay calm and removed

Go for the day in whatever way you csn manage (baby nearby, pop out to feed and don't staynlong)

Stand down as bridesmaid. Are your toddler and baby banned from the wedding? If so then I wouldn't attend.