To be upset by sister’s attitude

How is it that there is this supposed 'culture of putting up and shutting up' in your family but your sister gets to terrorise everyone? Is she not a member of the same family?!

Time to start putting your foot down, OP. If people don't like it, that's their problem. They're clearly capable of putting up with a tonne of crap from others!

After this you may need a counsellor, OP, to help you assert your needs in the face of your family.

Please put your baby and you first.

Echoing previous comments, stand down as Bridesmaid stating it's clearly not practical now that you have responsibilities to your baby and child, and it's better she finds an alternative bridesmaid now rather than nearer the time (good luck to her with that - sounds like she's a nightmare!).

She will probably have a stroppy meltdown, like you implied, but better to get it out of the way now so she has time to get over it (or not) and you can relax in the run up to the wedding as a guest with no major duties to her, good luck!

You know that is a nonsense. Stepping back from being a bridesmaid is far from making it all about you. On the contrary, it's making it not about you.

Your sister is an adult albeit she doesn't behave as one. Your children's needs come first. You're their mother: prioritise them. Your family of origin certainly won't, so it has to be you.

This is completely mental and she needs help! And you need to be such a soft touch and stop letting her get away with it.
She sounds absolutely awful and sister or not you need to step back.

Tell her to go jump your own family comes first

I think as a wife and mother of 2 children, it's about time to stand up to your sister.

Asking you to put off trying to conceive because of her wedding is just beyond selfish. Everyone who knows your sister will know why you stood down as bridesmaid.

What about if you don't fit into the bridesmaid dress so soon after the baby. Will she expect you to go to a 2 week boot camp to fit the brIdesmaid dress. (We wouldn't want one of her bridesmaids looking a bit chubby in the photos would we?).

This is not so much about her being a bridzilla, more about being a spoilt, self-obsessed woman, who your family needs to stop pandering to.

I wouldn't even go and if she had any issue about it would cut her off entirely

Stick two fingers up and tell her to get lost. She sounds like a proper narcissist, Hyacinthe Bucket style, and you may even be better off with her out of your life depending on what she is like during normal everyday interactions. Unfortunately some people are incredibly selfish and have never learnt the concept of boundaries.

Are you the only bridesmaid? Does she have a m-o-h?
Tell her you cannot live up to her expectations and she needs to replace you with a close friend (if she has any!!) as you are concerned that her day should be as perfect as she would like it.
Step down, she's being unreasonable. Go, sit up the back and, if you feel like it, leave early. She'll be so wrapped up in herself she won't notice.

Is she like this with every aspect of her life or just the wedding? Because she sounds a little cuckoo bananas. Match her energy when she has children. In the meantime, I'd tactfully stand down and set some boundaries about what you can and can't do.

I personally wouldn't even go. There is nothing you can do that she'll be happy with. Even if you follow her every demands and whims to the letter, she will always find something to berate you about. It isn't even worth trying at this point. You owe it to yourself, your kids and your own little family to do what's right for you, not for her. I know you're scared of the confrontation with your sis, your mom and family, but it's time to grab the bull by the horns and face all that, I'm afraid. You will fell so confident and proud of yourself for doing so!

Do what is best for your baby you and you husband and toddler

This wedding is making you really unhappy. Time to get assertive. Your children will be at an age where they are your main concern, and being a very involved bridesmaid means that you can't give them the care they need. Tell DS that, say that sadly you can't be a bridesmaid. Don't let them browbeat you into feeling guilty, your decision is final. You hope you and your family will be welcome at the wedding, but your needs come first.

Agree with this. You really don't need this stress.

Your sister needs to grow up,whatever you do is wrong so I would step out let her rant and rave like a spoilt brat,it's not worth all the stress.

Wow that was very unfair

Look your a new mother and noone in there right mind would want to leave a newborn for any amount of period yiur sister is being a brat and inconsiderate and more to the point hurtful and vengeful I wouldn't give her the time of day let alone be at her beck and call just simply write her a letter explaining the situation step down as a bridesmaid as I'm sure she has many other wonderful ones at her beck and call that way yiu can all attend the wedding and reception without the cause for upsetting either of you further you'll still be at the wedding just not as a bridesmaid and if your selfish sister wants to keep things on then simply walk away until she grows up as for writing the letter it's a better route than standing there being shouted at or backed into a corner that way you say what you need and close that chapter the rest is up to yiur sister not yiu don't yiu dare feel the slightest bit guilty

Good luck OP, I doubt she will make it easy for you to step back, but either way she is likely to be unhappy with the level of commitment you can give and your young DC, especially EBF, have to be your priority.

Those who accuse others of “making it all about them” are usually projecting their own psychology and it’s part of their manipulation/control and justification for their own (narcissistic) behaviour.

Then again, how could you wear a cream coloured jumper to her dress shopping?! 🙄😂

Another vote for standing down. Let her rant and rave and accuse you of all sorts but stand your ground. If she’s foolish enough to then uninvite you, so be it. She sounds like a nightmare tbh. You don’t have to tolerate completely unreasonable behaviour just because you’re sisters.

Bring your baby or don’t go.

Don’t join in with any of it except as a guest accompanied by baby.

I think you need to be very clear here. You need to tell your sister that the welfare of your immediate family comes before her wedding.

You are not being in the least unreasonable but She is! When the time comes for her to have a baby will she realise how unreasonable she was with you. Until then I would simply back off and enjoy your own family situation.

AND there's no way she's going to be able to handle all the attention a new family baby will be taking away from her.

Step down as bridesmaid and consider distancing yourself from this very toxic sounding person