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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset by sister’s attitude

262 replies

Remotenut · 18/11/2024 07:17

my husband and I have 1 son who it took a good while to conceive, we knew we wanted 2 close in age and given how long it took to conceive our son we started trying when he was 9 months old and 6 months later I got pregnant. Im due 10 weeks before my sisters wedding who I’m bridesmaid for

my sister is a major bridezilla (think got a quote for outsourced cutlery because she wasn’t fussed on the cutlery at the reception which is a 5 star hotel so I doubt the cutlery is bad but that’s the level we are talking)

over the last few days she’s been asking me what my plan is with the baby and how I basically need to be at her beck and call over the wedding, including the night before. I said the baby will still be feeding during the night so I need to be at home to feed her. She went mad and asked could I not just leave the baby with my husbands family for a few nights. I explained the baby will only be 10 weeks old, my husbands family all have their own kids and the wedding is 2.5 hours away and I wouldn’t be comfortable being that far away from the baby when she’s so small.

last night it came up again that she’s having her hen a few days before I’m due to go have my section and my brother jokingly said oh what if Remotenut’s waters break at your hen. She turned and said remotenut’s life wouldn’t be worth living if she did that. I said that’s really not in my control (my son was 3 weeks early) and she said well you knew when this wedding was.

i understand it’s her day and she’s obviously wanting it to be all about her and that’s fine but I feel I couldn’t put my life on hold for 1 day (she asked me would I not just wait until her wedding was over to start trying for another baby)

I think I’m just going to say that I’ll go to the wedding but my husband will stay at home with the children. I don’t want that but I honestly don’t know what to do. AIBU to be upset by her attitude?

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 18/11/2024 07:27

Just pull out from being a bridesmaid if that’s her expectation. It’s utterly unreasonable.

You can’t leave a 10 week old baby who is breastfed (if that’s what you are planning) at home a few hours away. That’s madness and a form of abuse for both of you.

Zero idea why you are pandering to this shit.

Onlyvisiting · 18/11/2024 07:27

Step back from being a bridesmaid altogether, go as a guest. Stay for the ceremony (honestly, I'd get husband to wait nearby and not bother bringing them in, if your 2yo makes a fuss she'll never let you forget it) then go home.
You will have a newborn, no rational person would expect you to leave it for that long, and there is no point pandering to irrational people.

Remotenut · 18/11/2024 07:27

comedycentral · 18/11/2024 07:23

It sounds like she's picked you as a bridesmaid for no other reason than you are sisters. Can you pull back from these duties?

She’ll accuse me of making it all about me. I swear the day we went wedding dress shopping my son was sick and I had to bring him to the out of hours doctor before we left. My husband said we would take 2 cars to the doctors so I could go shopping after because we knew I’d never hear the end of it if I didn’t go. So I went and was wearing jeans and a cream jumper and a massive scarf….she went mental when I arrived because I was wearing cream on her wedding dress shopping day and wouldn’t let me take my coat off the whole time we were there

OP posts:
Agix · 18/11/2024 07:27

If she wants that much from a bridesmaid, you need to tell her you can't fulfil the expectations and stand down.

GreyCarpet · 18/11/2024 07:25

Remotenut · 18/11/2024 07:22

She has previously said my husband and children have to sit at the back of the church as she doesn’t want any distractions from her

she’s well within her right to have a no kids wedding but if that’s the case we would go for the day and go home that night but she’s not happy with that apparently I’m not taking my bridesmaid duties seriously by being there for the whole experience

I'd stand down as bridesmaid too, tbh.

GreyCarpet · 18/11/2024 07:24

Don't leave your baby.

I'm always a voice for it's fine to leave your baby for a few days go and have fun on here but a 10 week old baby? 10 weeks after a c section? No.

Yes, it's her day but you also have a life and she's not asking for one day is she?

Most people would understand your circumstances had changed and plan their expectations accordingly.

I wouldn't normally suggest this either but I don't think you need the stress right now so could your mum or someone have a word with her?

Remotenut · 18/11/2024 07:24

comedycentral · 18/11/2024 07:21

I think it's too early to say whether your husband will stay at home with the baby. You don't really know how feeding and routine will go. I'd try to keep it as flexible as possible for your own sake. Your sister is being massively unreasonable. How did your brother respond when she said your life wouldn't be worth living? My siblings would call out this stuff to each other to help gain some perspective.

We just skirted changed the conversation because she gets so angry and usually walks out in a huff at things like this

OP posts:
comedycentral · 18/11/2024 07:23

It sounds like she's picked you as a bridesmaid for no other reason than you are sisters. Can you pull back from these duties?

Remotenut · 18/11/2024 07:22

Hercisback1 · 18/11/2024 07:19

She's a nightmare.

Bring your child, there's no way I'd leave a 10 week old.

She has previously said my husband and children have to sit at the back of the church as she doesn’t want any distractions from her

she’s well within her right to have a no kids wedding but if that’s the case we would go for the day and go home that night but she’s not happy with that apparently I’m not taking my bridesmaid duties seriously by being there for the whole experience

OP posts:
comedycentral · 18/11/2024 07:21

I think it's too early to say whether your husband will stay at home with the baby. You don't really know how feeding and routine will go. I'd try to keep it as flexible as possible for your own sake. Your sister is being massively unreasonable. How did your brother respond when she said your life wouldn't be worth living? My siblings would call out this stuff to each other to help gain some perspective.

BruceAndNosh · 18/11/2024 07:21

Honestly, I'd stand down as bridesmaid. Too much stress, worrying about what to wear, will it fit, can I feed wearing this dress

Hercisback1 · 18/11/2024 07:19

She's a nightmare.

Bring your child, there's no way I'd leave a 10 week old.