To be upset by sister’s attitude

So what. Honestly if you’re not prepared to speak out then you deserve all you get.

You need to break the cycle OP. I suspect that no matter how this plays out if you go ahead as bridesmaid you will 'get it wrong'. You can't win so stop playing the game. Just say you can't be bridesmaid or if you are it's on a second bridesmaid/standby basis do you are just there for the day if you can. Then turn your phone off and refuse to engage on the subject. Who is advocating for you here? You will have a tiny baby and will just be getting over a section...it's not reasonable for you to have to be at the beck and call of a demanding bride.

Sounds as though your whole family go along with your sister as the repercussions of saying no are awful, but it seems to me that you might as well take the flak as even if you say yes to everything she will still find a way to punish you..

I'm the same.

I'm getting married ina couple of years. We haven't started planning yet but have discussed it and all of our discussions have been about how we can make it a good experience for everyone who attends precisely so that no one wakes up on the day dreading it!

my mum is afraid to said boo. She can’t handle confrontation and keeps saying it’ll all be fine

I'd start being a bit troublesome at this point. It sounds like your sister has been pandered to her whole life and won't even have considered the impact on other people because its all about her.

I'd ask my mum exactly how she thinks it's going to be fine. And what's that going to look like, Mum? And how's that going to work, Mum?

Don't get drawn into arguments. Just state clearly and calmly what you'll be doing.

Honestly, no one else is going to care whether you're a bridesmaid or not and most people wil think it makes sense to stand down. It's a no brainer really if you can't meet.the expectations anymore.

Just stand down as bridesmaid, it can never work. And attend as guest however you can make it work.

She can’t handle confrontation and keeps saying it’ll all be fine

Neither can you, OP. I would have put a stop to it at the cream jumper incident if not before. So she will accuse you of making the wedding about you, so what? The world isn't going to end. Show a good example to your kids by learning how to set boundaries.

Your sister sounds insane and highly narcissistic. Isnt there anyone else who can help fight your corner on this? Parents perhaps? The thought of everyone acting like thos is normal and ok sounds crazy.

She is delivering such unreasonable ultimatums, she is giving you no choice but to either stand down or piss her off continually by keeping your boundaries.That is what id sau if i were you. Give her the choice.

tbh if you ended up going into labour at an inopportune time, at least you'd have a great excuse to escape all her demanding bs!!

Honestly the only reason why people are able to behave like this is because so many people pander to them.

Personally I’d pull out of the wedding. So what if you get the blame. Does it matter? And I’d tell everyone why you did it. Bridezillas like this deserve to have their wedding day ruined. Maybe then they’ll grow the fuck up.

I don't think choosing the bridesmaid dress colour is ott though so make sure you're being pissed off at the right things

Tell her you don't want to distract from her day so are stepping down as you don't want it to become about your baby. Same with the hen do

She can’t handle confrontation and keeps saying it’ll all be fine

It won’t be fine though. Thats the reality. Under the batshit conditions she has imposed, it won’t be fine. The only way it will be fine is if you pretend you don’t have a 10 week old baby that depends on/needs you, and you ignore it for the day, which is ……… weird. Best just face it head on now rather than sticking your head in the sand.

Stand down as a bridesmaid, it's not worth the stress. If you do it now, there's enough time for emotions to heal before the wedding. She's going to have unrealistic expectations of you and honestly you are not going to be able to fulfil them. If your baby starts crying during the ceremony where you are supposed to be standing with other bridesmaids, you will inevitably be noticed leaving to tend to your little one and that will become ammunition against you. Bridesmaids also help the bride get ready and spend the morning with the bridal party and it will be noticed if you skip out early in the evening too. For your own sake, and for your sister who despite being a bridezilla, is entitled to have her wedding how she wants, I would step down ASAP.

Tbh, you're partly at fault for going along with the unreasonable demands.

I'd have taken my coat off. What's she going to do? Kick off and make a fool of herself in front of everyone?

Honestly, you have children to consider now. It's time to start standing up to her.

You are raising your own family now; they come first. You are not children anymore, pandering to one another's whims and behaviors.

Why are you entertaining any of this nonsense? You wore a cream jumper to go shopping with her and that's some kind of crime?
I'd have turned straight round and left her to it. She sounds completely insane TBH.

Omg, I would tell her that you wouldn’t want to risk your pregnancy or your kids being a distraction, so you’re making the call to stay home and wash your hair instead.

Your sister sounds horrid. Does she have other bridesmaids? Or friends? This can’t all be on you. New babies trump weddings - so by and large there will often be a dynamic where one sibling has their wedding day first and then can’t prioritise the sibling’s wedding day because babies. It’s the way things go. But from the sounds of it your sister is used to getting her own way and thinks she should be first and centre anyway. Perhaps not this time.

out of interest, what was she like at your wedding? Did she help or was that all about her too?

Let her accuse you, she's making your life hellish anyway. As a family you all need to stop pandering to her.

Stay for the ceremony (honestly, I'd get husband to wait nearby and not bother bringing them in, if your 2yo makes a fuss she'll never let you forget it) then go home

And this. If either your 2yo or 10 week old make a sound she will go on for years, don’t let that happen. Stick your phone on silent but vibrate, sit at the back and if you need to nip out to feed then that’s life.

Someone needs to tell her to grow up and that the world and other people's lives don't revolve around her wedding.

Let her storm off, what's the worst she will do?

Dsis is expecting too much. You'll have a tiny baby so you're just not available. It's obvious if you're feeding the baby yourself, you're NOT available to run round after her. Could she not have timed the wedding so it didn't clash with your needs? Apart from which you'll have a toddler to look after!