To be upset by sister’s attitude

This is why she continues this behaviour, because you all enable it. Is it really worth all this stress during your pregnancy or at all? For the sake of your mental health and the health of you and your baby, I think you should step down and walk away. That’s what I’d be telling you if you were my friend. If you need a reason then tell her the Dr recommended it due to high blood pressure or something but it’s time to stop this toddler and her tantrums rule and ruin your lives 🌺

Think of it from her perspective. I'm assuming she was involved in your wedding and baby celebrations. Now it's her time. And so unless you've talked about the difficulties in conceiving your eldest (btw up to 2 years is normal if you're healthy under 30) all she thinks is you've deliberately chosen to have a baby when it's HER time.

Just take her out for dinner while you can, spoil her, make it clear you didn't deliberately set out to get pregnant to ruin her day and just be honest about why you're having another baby so close to the oldest. Hear her out. And offer to help her with stuff you can. That is, talk to her.

My first wedding was at the end of December and my sister (my MofH) was due on 10 February. She was very pregnant.
We switched the wedding from the church to my parent’s house and pared down the guests to only family.
We searched until we found bridesmaids dresses that were appropriate for both pregnant and non-pregnant girls.
We did everything in our power to accommodate my sister.
Why? Because I adore my sister and I’d do anything for her.
And then, at our reception where it was back to everyone was invited, my BIL, unbeknownst to any of us hooked his whore girlfriend up with an old beau of mine and we were so SHOCKED that they’d have the audacity and bad manners to show up and proceed to embarrass themselves and us.
I think now of all the things I should have said and done to them and how we should have thrown them out of the party - we all were in shock. We were paralysed by shock.
And my poor sister - my BIL left her when my darling niece was 17 days old.
Good riddance to white trash.
My sister got the last laugh, though - she met and fell in love with the nicest and wealthiest man - and has continued to live well.
And living well is the best revenge, don’t forget.
I just love her so much.
And the whore? She married my ex-BIL and resents the fact that her husband cannot provide the standard of living to which she feels she is entitled - which coincidentally looks a lot like my sister’s.
Honey, you made your bed hahaha. If you’re reading this, you know I’m talking about you.

What happened in the end?

I come from a ‘co-dependent’ birth family. You need to stand your ground. You cannot fulfil your sisters’s wants - really you can’t. This sounds very stressful. Stand down NOW as bridesmaid. I know (from experience) that whatever you say you will be the bad guy. So, for that reason just say ‘it’s better if I stand down because I have other commitments and cannot put my bridesmaid’s duties first’. That’s it. Nothing else. Do not explain any further, just keep repeating this to anyone who asks. I know that you would like your sister and family to see your point of view and understand, but they won’t. Do not waste your breath or upset yourself trying to explain. They will ‘choose’ not to get it. You could enlist your other half if he’s willing. He has concerns decided that it’s too much (new baby and all etc…) and wants you to step down. My family would walk all over me but they would never cross my husband. BTW, your sister sounds a right bitch - don’t turn yourself inside out trying to please her because you never will.

This thread is nuts. Why the hell are you going to a wedding 2 hours away when the bride won't even allow her nephew there?!

Objecting to a cream jumper on the SHOPPING TRIP is totally nuts. I hope she recovers some sanity after the wedding.

Omg. This is crazy. I'm amazed she's found someone who wants to marry her!

I wouldn't be going at all. I had to explain to my sister, multiple times, that a baby runs the show until their old enough to have a set routine and are eating solids, walking and talking. And even then, if they get ill or something happens then they are in charge. My sister couldn't understand it, until she had her own child and suddenly realised all I said was true and, tbf she did ring and apologise to me. We barely speak and live 4 hours away from each other. Your sister sounds a lot like mine and it's exhausting to be around that kind of energy. My concern for you, OP, is that you are going to be, at most, 10 weeks post partum. Now, even if everything goes to plan with the section, baby doesn't try to come early, you have no complications etc, literally only one thing needs to happen to throw a spanner into the works. Tbh, I think this is far too much stress to put yourself under.
Good luck with it all OP, stand your ground and then, if I were you, I'd go low contact.

Your sister is a prize dick!

I’m sorry to say this but your sister is an utterly selfish cow! At 10 weeks old I wouldn’t be leaving my baby anywhere especially if she is breastfeeding. I would be telling your sis that you are not going to be a bridesmaid that you will attend the wedding with your baby as she still breastfeeding otherwise you’ll have to wish her best and do something separately to celebrate her marriage. I would be doing this through grit teeth however as she doesn’t deserve it! Bridezilla doesn’t even come close! Wishing you all the best with the birth of your new baby x

Outsourced cutlery!

Sorry if this is hurtful and you haven't realised this already, but she clearly does not want you at the wedding. She has invited you because you're family and she knows she is 'supposed to'. But absolutely nobody treats a guest they want with them on their wedding day like that. She's doing everything she can to stop you from going without actually disinviting you and being the bad guy. I would take heed and cancel your RSVP.

Let her walk off in a huff! She's being an utter twat. Your baby is more important.

That's awful, controlling behaviour. Honestly? I'd duck out of the whole thing! Ditch being a bridesmaid and then have a sickness bug on the day and don't go! Yes she'll hate you, but honestly, she's not treating you like family. I can just picture a whole future for you where she calls the shots. When she has kids will she put them in you at a moment's notice and guilt you into things? Put firm boundaries in place now.

10 weeks after a c section and with a small baby - you simply physically wont be up to the whole day as a bridesmaid unless you heal superfast! I'm glad to see you standing down, its definitely the right thing to do.

I waited a couple of months before getting pregnant as I didn't want to miss or be heavily pregnant at my sisters wedding. I was her maid of honour. It's your life and you need to live it your way

I know from experience if you make this about you (though you have every right to) she will kick up a HUGE fuss and everything will be harder/noisier/take longer. Feed her narcissism and do it for your own sanity.

So she’s a narcissist. You need to step down as bridesmaid but (for the sake of bloody peace - she sounds like a nightmare btw) you will need to position this as the best thing for her and her wedding. ie, “I’m really worried that with everything I have going on right now I’ll get in the way of your special day. I think I need to step down as your bridesmaid otherwise my family commitments are just going to stress you out. This day should be about you after all!” Cue sweet smile.

This. Absolutely this. I have a sister much the same. I eventually realised whatever I did was wrong. Always wrong. So I backed off. Haven’t seen her in years, don’t miss her at all… but god is it way more peaceful! If I were you @Remotenut id back out of the wedding. Yes she’ll create merry hell… but she’s doing that anyway, right?

I wouldn’t go in these circumstances. She’s being utterly ridiculous.

Not being unreasonable. It took us over 5 years to conceive our daughter, so we also started trying again when she was 9 months old. I totally understand where you're coming from

I haven't got children and even I can see that your sisters request is unreasonable!!😯

Congratulations on your impending birth, OP. I would not withdraw as a bridesmaid as you will never hear the end of it and it will be twisted by the mad family members.
I would write a message (in writing is important here) I would say that you love her to bits. That you are looking forward to her special day. That you wish her and her DP every happiness. I’d say you know she will be a beautiful and amazing bride. That nothing will diminish the attention on her on the day. She will be in the spotlight from dawn till dusk and that is as it’s should be. I’d say it is an honour to be chosen as her bridesmaid and you will discharge your duties to her to the best of your abilities.
BUT you will be ten weeks postpartum with a baby whose very life depends on your care and attention and who will be breastfed. As she knows, this will limit you from being 100% available every moment of the wedding. You are confident you can make it work but if she has any doubts or concerns or if she feels her day will be spoiled because you can’t dance attention on her 24/7, she should let you know now and you will gladly stand down if SHE ASKS YOU TO.
If you don’t hear from her, you will assume she understands your situation and you will continue as outlined above. But you will not put up with any sniping or criticism of you and/or your DC in the run up to the wedding or on the day itself. Tell her you are drawing a line under past criticism of you but you will not tolerate any more histrionics. If she doesn’t abide by this, withdraw. Show this message to your immediate family. If she breaches your boundaries and complains when you step down, just send her a copy of the message. If anyone in the family criticises you in relation to this, send them a copy of the message. Your sister is jealous of you and she is terrorising your mother. What is your DF doing about this? Good luck for the birth. Don’t let this nonsense overshadow it.

This prioritise your children not your sister