Baby cried in public. Friend made me feel embarrassed.

Aren't both of those comments very common jokes? Especially when you aren't keen on / experienced with babies?

You're probably more sensitive because you have a small baby and it's very tiring and intense. The comments would have bothered me too but you say she's your favourite person so I think it's all harmless. You won't even think about it this time next year.

You don't have to give a reason to Mumsnet or anyone else for baby crying though. It's what they do.

YANBU.

It was a nasty thing to say. Not sensitive to you as a relatively new mother. If that’s the level of your friend’s ‘jokes’ I’d find funnier, kinder friends.

I wouldn’t say anything on this occasion. But, if she says similar things again, I’d have a quiet word and let her know it upsets you. If she’s a good friend, she’ll understand.

If she’s never had a child, I’d explain to her that it’s stressful going out with a baby and women can feel extra sensitive within a few months of birth and especially if they’re breastfeeding (if you are), which is why they’re at risk of post-natal depression. That’s why they need kindness and support when out.

You should never have to get a ‘thicker skin’. What that means in reality is hiding that you’re upset to spare someone else’s feelings. You should never do that. Your feelings are your feelings and therefore valid.

However, what I would say is if your baby cries for more than and few moments in a public place, or in a group, I’d take them outside until they calm down, as it’s considerate to other people. It can be irritating to hear a baby crying when you’re trying to relax or chat. And maybe that’s what your friend was stressed about?

Are you the first in the group to have a baby?/ first meeting with that group with the baby?

Perhaps she feels a bit put out that the dynamics have changed. Talk to her. If she is such a good friend she would hate for you to be stewing over something that probably came across differently than intended

I'm on the fence here. I don't think it was a very kind thing to say, but I also think you're over reacting to let it bother you this much. Put it behind you OP.

Me too.

I'm going g to assume the friend doesn't have a baby or children herself. Many of us can remember being quite judgemental of parenting before our own kids humbled us into submission. Don't take it personally, it sounds like she has zero experience with babies and is a bit uncomfortable around them. Friendships do change when one of you has a baby, and not always in a positive way.

As she is otherwise a good friend with no history of being impatient with you i would give her the benefit that it was a joke.

I would have myself prepared for what i will say if this happens again, but i would let this one go although i would also be a bit annoyed.

Maybe "not helpful or funny" would work if happens similar happens again.

do I need to grow a thicker skin when she was clearly joking?

Yes you do, if she was clearly joking

She sounded a bit clueless, maybe was trying to put you in your place for some reason. It's bit of a dumb comment.

Wait until she has a baby 😆You can then sweetly tell her to control her baby when she is going through a period of sleep regression and teething.

It was a joke, she just probably doesn’t realise how you would take it.

I have kids and grandkids and I’m a bit confused as to why you’re upset and it’s still on your mind, but that’s probably because I’m a long way from those young baby moments. I can only assume that she’s not on that page either.

Crying is a sign of distress and no one wants a baby to cry and be in distress. Admittedly it's not like a crying baby on a long aeroplane flight, but Maybe the crying went on for longer than you realised.

It sounds like a light hearted joke? I think this is more likely that you felt flustered with baby crying so didn’t take it well, but I wouldn’t stew over this. I highly doubt your friend actually meant ‘control your child’, isn’t that the point of the joke? If it was said as a direct imperative then yes that would be extremely odd but I doubt that was the tone?

Oh god I've definitely done the 'you can have her back'! Comment 😂

Exactly this. It has been proven many times that the sound of a baby crying stresses us out - it's a survival instinct to ensure we care for them. She isn't used to it and handled it in her own way as it made her uncomfortable. I wouldn't think anything of it.

She won't have realised how hurtful it was, honestly. She'll get it one day. Try not to give it any more thought.

Your friend is silly. It's completely normal for baybies to cry. If it really bothers you, maybe it's best to limit your interactions with her.

With the "control that child" comment, where were you? If you were out for a meal did she mean you should've been leaving the table to soothe him outside?

she made a joke. It’s really not that deep.

Overreaction much 😳

A lot of people will say 'have them.back' when baby starts crying, I've heard it multiple times through the years. Heck I think I've even said it myself. It is just a light hearted way of handing baby back because we don't know what to do with baby crying and Mum/ dad knows. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Your friend verbalised what most people think (in some way/shape/form) when babies cry.

A bit clumsy, yes. Worth thinking about in the middle of the night? No.

And the ‘have him back’ thing? A complete non-issue.

Give me a minute while I find the off button
should shut your friend up next time.

It's hard not to feel tense/uncomfortable when your baby is crying. Someone making a shitty comment is massively unhelpful.

'You can have him back' is a perfectly normal thing to say when you are ready to hand someone's baby back.

Some people love babies and will happily hold them for hours. Some people aren't really interested and do it out of politeness. Some people feel awkward or worried that the baby is about to cry. Your baby is just 'a baby' to most other people. They don't love them like you do.