Baby cried in public. Friend made me feel embarrassed.

Some of your friends will just be unbaby people - Not everyone likes or is comfortable round babies. She felt awkward, babies can be incredibly loud and can seem frighteningly fragile.

You're post childbirth, which takes some adjusting. Your baby is now the centre of your world and any perceived criticism, you'll take very much to heart because your overwhelming drive is to protect.

All best to you.

It sounds like a jokey thing to me. But I have learnt, thanks to MN and an autistic daughter, that a lot of people take things veryliterally, so it isn't something that i would say. Probably would have pre-MN though, without any malice 💐
I hand babies back if they appear to want their mum but always happy to hold if mum has her hands full.

I well believe it was a joke. However she won't have realised the significance of what she said or how it would make any mum feel. You're absolutely right to feel the way you do.

I would so say something like this as a joke. I think your friend was joking, no malice meant. I do get you though, we are a bit more sensitive after we have had a baby. Don't like feeling judged. I wouldn't stress about this one though op.

Seriously you'd drift away from a friend over what is clearly a joke?

It's a joke FFS! I know on Mumsnet no one is allowed to say anything jokingly to their friends - but come on!

An old man in Sainsburys told me that prams were a liability and were going to be banned from the store. I just said okay and continued my shopping.

The baby in said pram is now nearly 13 and prams still haven't been banned from that store 😆

I'm guessing she has no DC and if he was a bit restless doesn't understand they're not easy to regulate! You're tired. I wouldn't read too much into what she said as it shows her inexperience with DC. Your lives are on different paths and you may find youre relationship drifts anyway.

She can't have been serious surely, thinking you have control over a 6 month old babe 😳

Some people are just horrible though.

I had a woman shout " fucking prams". at me when I was crossing the road with my first born .
I was actually in the middle of the road and she was on the pavement so it wasn't a case of being in her way or bumping into her.

Sounds like she was very clearly joking to me. The fact that you were also bothered by her saying 'you can have him back' when he was 'a bit wobbly' suggests to me that you're quite over-sensitive about this stuff. Not everyone is comfortable cuddling babies if the baby's fidgeting or seems irritable. I like babies but I would also laugh and say 'you'd better have him back' in that situation too. It doesn't mean I don't like the baby or find it cute. It just means the baby isn't the centre of my universe because i'm not the baby's parent.

I think you are probably over reacting, however it's not clear from your post - you say you were out with a group of friends? Were you the only one whe had their baby there? Was it expected that your baby would be there?

If it was a girly lunch out, and no one had expected you to bring your baby, then I can imagine why a crying baby might spoil the occasion.

Your friend’s comment was rude and thoughtless. As it seems to have been a one off from a usually decent person having a tough time I would let it go and accept people just say the wrong thing sometimes.

I don't know. I'm in 2 minds about it.

Other people's babies are a pain in the arse. I'm sorry to say that to you, but many people do feel that way. I have 2 kids, although they are a lot older.

Your baby is your world. Outside your family, nobody really feels like that about your baby. There will be a whole spectrum from liking your baby/enjoying holding baby, to people who find the baby a bit of an inconvenience, to people who think "it is a screaming/shitting machine".

Your friend could have been a bit more sensitive but also having a young baby and all that comes with it like the sleep deprivation, anxiety etc can make women extremely emotional. It's OK

I did say it was clumsy phrasing.

I'd roll my eyes inwardly and then ignore her.

If it's really bothering you then maybe say something to her along the lines of: look I realise/hope you're just joking but the joke falls flat when I'm already sleep deprived and a bit stressed.

Her reaction will tell you all you need to know.

It clearly triggered something in you, so I’d be looking at your reaction. To me that would have been a mild, unproblematic joke.

But then DS was a spectacularly grumpy baby, so I didn’t turn a hair when he expressed his negative feelings about being born publicly.

YANBU. I had a similar experience with a friend when my baby was 7 weeks old, I found it completely unsupportive and inappropriate (she had form though, and this was the final straw). Anyway - your feelings are valid. It could well be that your friend had no ill-intent but it still upset you. ‘Control that child’ is a pretty irritating thing to say! I take it she doesn’t have children? Babies cry all the time, it’s how they communicate, it would be concerning if they didn’t cry. I have a strong dislike of these sorts of comments because being a new parent is hard enough and there’s so much judgement about so many aspects of parenting. I know parents who are too nervous to take their babies out in public due to receiving horrible comments from strangers about their baby crying. As a society we need to be kinder.

If your friend is a good one though you should be able to talk to her about it. If she is an otherwise good friend I would be inclined to try to let this go, but it’s understandable why it upset you.

She's your friend, not your baby's friend. It was unkind, but not malicious. I'd let it pass and accept it might be a bit harder to spend lots of time together until your DS is a little older.

Maybe your friends just isn't great at handling babies, but she cares about you a lot, so she ended up seeming a bit awkward. Still, it's completely understandable that you felt uncomfortable from a mom's perspective.

How old are you all, and do any of your friends have babies?
I’m not excusing her comments, but I think context is important.

This.

Don't take it seriously. If she was serious then drop the friend.

@Killingoffmyflowersonebyone

I have never seen someone with a crying baby and thought that they should 'control their child'. Babies cry.

Even with older children who are throwing a tantrum, I don't judge or think that they should be 'controlling' them because I do not know the situation. Maybe it is a child with autism having a meltdown.

It sounds like the kind of thing people say about an off-lead dog jumping up. It is an inept comment that would slightly annoy me.