AiBU to feel resentful?

I’ve been married 36 years with now grown children and I can honestly say that DH has never organised a holiday in all of that time.
However he does do more of the housework/ laundry than I do.
To be honest I would rather sit and arrange a holiday than do the washing up or ironing, and I get to visit the places I want to go.
It’s a win as far as I am concerned because it’s one of the nicer household tasks.

BTW my ex was like this and then accused me of being controlling and babying him when he left for OW. She was even less competent at life stuff and he felt like he was "rescuing her" whereas I could cope on my own. True, but still a twat.

In contrast, my current partner who I don't even live with, will organise holidays, surprise weekends away, order things I have mentioned I need in passing and Amazon turns up with it the next day. He looked months ahead and booked tickets to an event with a varied cast, checking that the right people were appearing on the date he booked. Men are perfectly capable of stuff, they just often don't want to be arsed and they know the woman / mum will do it.

I have a friend like this. When she was pregnant and had baby-brain, she didn't have the energy or cognition to organise our weekly days out. Her first-born is now 31, and I have been organising the day out since.
We've spoken about it, we've met with me expecting she's organised something...we've ended up mooching for day! She just doesn't seem able to find and organise stuff to do.
So, yes, I made this bed, I am lying on it. I've accepted this is her; but she's so brilliant in so many other ways, that I am happy to do so

For crying out loud, even of they didn't both work the same hours, 20 years of never organising so much as a day out is pathetic. I work FT and am a single parent. Guess what? Shit gets done. Working full time is not a get out jail free card for ALL other areas of life. Nor is "being the sole financial provider". Even if that were the case, the OP would be providing ££££ worth of childcare and housework every month so would equally be "providing".

OP, how about you start by saying, we're all free on X date. Please can you book some tickets to X and work out where we can eat lunch on the way (or whatever). You absolutely shouldn't have to baby steps this but means to an end. Rather than just a "please organise SOMETHING".

So what would happen if you just stopped?

Do you both work full time?

Your DH has a problem: he's married to a rescuer who's great at life admin and that enables him to be a victim.
Step back, let him fail at a few life admin tasks, be genuinely happy for him when he starts to get develop skills.

Is your DH capable of holding down a job that requires him to be able to organise and plan things?

If so then YANBU, it is most likely something that he see’s as not necessary for him to do, because you will always be there to pick up the slack, whilst he focuses on what he deems to be more important.

Some people are better at organising than others but I can imagine how much it grates after all these years, it's hard when it's settled in a pattern, he maybe just presumes you are better at it? Does he have to take responsibility in his job?

I just don’t get why he can’t step up a bit

You answered this yourself

ive probably created the issue now by doing it for so long

Have you discussed this with him? Have you explained what he needs to do?

I know it might seem obvious because you've been doing it but he may not know what you do since he's never done it.

I would have a conversation and explain that I was tired of doing everything and would like him to share the burden. I'd then explain what I'd like him to do.

Does your husband work? And is he sole income provider of the household?