To not want to spend another sh*t Xmas with in laws

Xmas is commercial and overrated and like a competition for the most perfect family the only winners are the retailers as everyone else is skint and miserable after spending money they didn't have trying to impress people they dont like
Best yhing i ever did was to step bzck n say no not doing it any more

Regarding the ILs though, my DH knows I'm thinking the same myself after my SIL made it clear how she feels about both me and DH. If he could drive I would let him just go with the kids, I'm dreading Christmas Day at the ILs. He would back me up if we decided it was too much though, I'm undecided. I would like to enjoy Christmas.

I didn't know which day it is either, I was thinking maybe it's the last day of Christmas but I think that might be twelfth night. I was raised as a Catholic too 😂 but we've only ever called it Boxing Day

Lol as soon as I saw you reference St Stephen’s Day, I knew there would be lots of ‘what is this St Stephen’s Day of which you speak?’ style comments

I’ve been in the UK and for years I still inwardly cringe a bit when circumstances require me to say Boxing Day instead of St Stephen’s Day.

But with regards to the main point, bin off Christmas Day at the in laws. Can’t believe you’ve been doing this every year since you’ve been together.

<grumbles about Irish men and their mammies>

It appears to boil down to a) upset your MIL or b) upset you, your kids. But really, perhaps others aren't happy with the situation either. Could you call in for a chat with your MIL and explain that you, and especially your kids, would really value a family day at home? She may be feeling that she has to cater for the family as she has always done that. Ask her what the arrangement was when her own kids were small. You might find out that she has been dreading the day as much as you, it must be exhausting for her. Another option is to suggest an alternative, perhaps evening get together on a different day. You could invite her for dinner. Also, is it possible that your SIL is the way she is because she is also deeply frustrated with the situation, and like you, feeling powerless to say anything?

Tell him, ok it's your childhood home, and they're moving, so this is the last time. Suggest you invite MIL to yours next year, but not his brother / sister. Sounds like everyone needs a break from this cycle of misery. Sounds to me like nobody wants to be there... MIL sounds like she might be ok though.

Wow!how selfish he sounds, and it sounds horrendous, wouldn’t want my children to spend a Xmas in that atmosphere, feel so sorry for your parents 😳 tell mr big your seeing your parents and want YOUR children to have a happy fun time for a change, and your parents matter too.. say you will go there for New Year’s Day or something..
if he doesn’t agree he’s a bully, I’d tell him to go and not bother to come back 🤨

Could your MIL be persuaded to come to you without the others?

Why don’t you ever get to spend it with your own parents? Your DH is being entirely unreasonable demanding you spend it with his family every year? Surely you should alternate at least? I would be dying on this hill I’m afraid, I really would.

Stay home with your family and your parents, invite his mother, leave his siblings to fight among themselves.

Lovely!

That’s so hard on you and your kids, very selfish and controlling of hubby. You need to draw your line in the sand now and stay at home with the kids and let him trot off on his own. There will be fireworks but will be worth a lovely Xmas with your parents.
I feel your pain, Xmas hard enough since losing my parents and have hosted MIL every Xmas since married 21 yrs ago, she’s not a very nice person so I have to try hard with her but last year broke me, she got drunk yet again and fell over fractured her pelvis and ruined the day again, DD in tears and hubby vowed then we were going away this year - told her last week and still feel guilty about it but we need to do something for us this year. I’m lucky that hubby sees how badly behaved she is and to top it off she smells and refuses to shower so we can’t even go out for dinner it’s too embarrassing!

Like pp said, invite your mil to yours with your parents, not his siblings. Pretty crap for your dc to have to leave the house on Christmas Day and be subject to shitty sniping/pompous arse all day. Put your foot down, he doesn’t get to dictate every single year!

Why does DH get to dictate EVERY year. He needs to understand is way past your turn to decide! I would tell him you've already invited your parents and that you're doing if at home this year, END OF!! You can all spend Boxing Day (or another day) with his family.

Center Parcs - it ticks the boxes for us!

Options go somewhere you and the children if husband wants to go to his parents! Book a week away Butlins , Pontins, Potters, Disney USA ! Enjoy yourself. Don’t go to MIL!!!

Well we were always the hosts, which I can see is different, but personally speaking, I actually wanted to see my grandparents and wider family at Christmas! I think too much time on MN makes that seem unusual, because obviously no one bothers to post a thread to say “We’re visiting MIL on Christmas Day and that’s fine by me”. But it’s not uncommon to actually like your extended family!

His mother will fall apart? How pathetic and selfish of her. Does she not give a hoot about YOUR mum? I despise the Xmas rules put in place like this. Tell him you'll see her boxing day or something and this year it's your turn to have the day how you want it.

If you aren't far just nip in not spend the day.

Invite MIL out to lunch for a Christmas meal to a top restaurant and be spoilt. Then suggest he goes and cooks for the rest of his family ?

Tell your husband you will fall apart if forced to go and if he takes the children with him- Ask him will he now give you the same thought as his Mother and what will he do if you stop him? Hit you?

If your husband intimidates you and doesn't put your wellbeing first - He's an abusive husband and you need to get rid.

I’m curious, why do people alternate between parents and not spend some time at their own home? Did you all spend Christmas at your grandparents’ houses? My best memories as a child are from staying at our home.

Just go and make the best of it and celebrate the last time there.
Make a surprise holiday plan away for following Xmas and pay for it but don’t tell anyone else including your children or husband until too late to do anything about it.

This. Exactly

Fuck's sake, is this still going?
All the time people have spent posting affronted messages about it, they could just have googled 'what's Stephen's Day?' instead Which is kind of what I meant about lack of intellectual curiosity.