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Original poster

To think DH’s lack of DIY skills should not have endangered my father?

87 replies

RussellJack · 17/11/2024 21:26

As above, he is appalling at DIY but I trusted him to assemble some relatively simple ikea chairs. Tonight my elderly father sat on one and ended up lying on the ground because, upon examination afterwards, it had been missing a bolt.
What the hell does one do in this situation…DH is very kind to my parents and is a good man but his oversight could’ve really injured my father so I want to murder him but can’t murder him?!

OP posts:
Topseyt123 · 17/11/2024 22:24

My DH is the same. Awful at DIY but really doesn't want to admit it. He seems to think that all he has to do to be an expert in anything he only has to watch a few YouTube videos.

Plumbing has been his nemesis and caused us real problems. One weekend when I was away visiting my elderly mother he was going to replace the diaphragm unit in our toilet cistern upstairs, which had split so that it couldn't flush well. He couldn't loosen the nut underneath. The job ended with him deciding to put a burner underneath the (ceramic) cistern having heard on YouTube that heating said nut and allow him to turn it. It cracked the ceramic cistern and discharged the water all over the floor (and down into the kitchen below). When I got back a couple of days later and found the cock-up he was suitably sheepish. We had to buy a new toilet, and I insisted that we paid a local professional plumber to fit it.

My DH's trouble is that he doesn't know his own limits and won't admit he has any, and that is what annoys me more than anything. After all, he has YouTube and needs nothing else!!

Original poster
RussellJack · 17/11/2024 22:22

For people asking, my dad is fine. He’s prone to falls so he was mortified it had happened again. Yep, he was the mortified one 🙄

OP posts:
Onthesideofthespiders · 17/11/2024 22:20

I can maybe understand trying to avoid responsibility in some situations where maybe fault could lie elsewhere, that’s what kids try to do. But literally no one else can be blamed for this. He built it. So… apologise. I’d be furious with his attitude and trying to pretend he didn’t so anything to contribute to what happened.

Original poster
RussellJack · 17/11/2024 22:18

PsychoHotSauce · 17/11/2024 22:10

I have a feeling if you had phrased your OP differently you'd have had very different responses.

The issue isn't that he's shite at DIY or that he fucked up a flat pack and nearly hurt your dad. It's that he hasn't done what you or most women would do automatically, which is immediately say shit, I'm so sorry, are you OK?! Fuck, I left a bolt out, how did that happen, I didn't realise etc etc.

Your real issue is he never takes responsibility for fucking up, and yes, he should apologise even though it was a genuine accident. Anyone who wouldn't probably needs therapy.

Yep you are very correct I think. If I’d done that, I’d be telling everyone what a shithead I was and would be genuinely mortified.

OP posts:
Original poster
RussellJack · 17/11/2024 22:14

unrsnblyannoyd · 17/11/2024 22:02

OP, as someone with an equally DIY-disaster dearly beloved, I feel your pain. You do have options.

  1. Let him reflect overnight. Give him time and space. While he does, unscrew a nut/bolt/screw on his dining chair ready for breakfast.
  2. Scale drawings of the new patio you're planning left around in innocuous places.
  3. Does your Dad like a pint? Let DH take him to the pub to make up for it. And he can school DH in basic DIY-for-dunces skills...
  4. Offer to exchange jobs. He can take over the ironing (or whichever household job you detest) while you do DIY.

All joking aside they are utterly infuriating when they can't get a simple thing right, hope your Dad is okay

Yep, I think the overnight reflection is definitely a good idea as the wine of righteousness has been taken this evening. And while he’s in a wine coma I can be getting to work on his breakfast chair and also on drafting some rough crayon drawings of the beautiful new patio with the mysterious X marking a spot in the middle of it….

And thank you for your lovely reply @unrsnblyannoyd ,, it is simultaneously amusing and helpful! He already does the ironing but I sense a new toilet scrubbing role coming down the line for him soon…,

OP posts:
PsychoHotSauce · 17/11/2024 22:10

I have a feeling if you had phrased your OP differently you'd have had very different responses.

The issue isn't that he's shite at DIY or that he fucked up a flat pack and nearly hurt your dad. It's that he hasn't done what you or most women would do automatically, which is immediately say shit, I'm so sorry, are you OK?! Fuck, I left a bolt out, how did that happen, I didn't realise etc etc.

Your real issue is he never takes responsibility for fucking up, and yes, he should apologise even though it was a genuine accident. Anyone who wouldn't probably needs therapy.

unrsnblyannoyd · 17/11/2024 22:02

OP, as someone with an equally DIY-disaster dearly beloved, I feel your pain. You do have options.

  1. Let him reflect overnight. Give him time and space. While he does, unscrew a nut/bolt/screw on his dining chair ready for breakfast.
  2. Scale drawings of the new patio you're planning left around in innocuous places.
  3. Does your Dad like a pint? Let DH take him to the pub to make up for it. And he can school DH in basic DIY-for-dunces skills...
  4. Offer to exchange jobs. He can take over the ironing (or whichever household job you detest) while you do DIY.

All joking aside they are utterly infuriating when they can't get a simple thing right, hope your Dad is okay

WetBandits · 17/11/2024 22:02

Have you never, ever made a mistake? Presumably your DH didn’t deliberately omit a screw as part of some master plan to injure your DF?

It was an accident. I’m sure he feels terrible enough about it without being chastised for making a mistake that anybody could have made. Making him feel worse isn’t going to change what happened. Is your DF okay?

SleepToad · 17/11/2024 22:01

Missing one bolt? How did it stay together to be moved? How on earth did he think that just screwing 3 legs on and propping it up with number 4 would work?

niadainud · 17/11/2024 22:00

Octonaut4Life · 17/11/2024 21:36

The issue here then isn't the actual screw up, which could happen to anyone, it's his attitude and failure to apologise

It wasn't a screw, it was a bolt, apparently...

Skepticgal · 17/11/2024 21:58

RussellJack · 17/11/2024 21:29

Well…he’s doing what he’s doing when he’s in the wrong which is to get really indignant and deny all responsibility, but hopefully there’s some mortification behind that?!

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In the wrong?? Your attitude seems in the wrong to me.

FloralGums · 17/11/2024 21:58

He made a mistake. Have you never made one OP? It’s easily done.

Beepbeepoutoftheway · 17/11/2024 21:58

Perhaps next time, you could do the DIY if your DH is so useless at it?

These things happen.

niadainud · 17/11/2024 21:57

Putting together Ikea furniture is barely DIY - I mean it's basically large-scale Lego - and I would not find it an attractive quality in a partner that he couldn't even manage to do that.

That said, I don't think it should automatically be deemed the man's job so you could have done it yourself.

Newdaynewstarts · 17/11/2024 21:56

It was an accident. Get over yourself.

Original poster
RussellJack · 17/11/2024 21:55

Yousay55 · 17/11/2024 21:49

Oh dear! I hope your dad is ok. I tend to do this sort of diy myself for fear of my dh doing exactly what yours did!

It’s genuinely surprising to hear so many others say their DH’s are similarly useless! All the men I know in real life can seemingly assemble a small house in their sleep, I thought DH was in the minority..

OP posts:
Yousay55 · 17/11/2024 21:49

Oh dear! I hope your dad is ok. I tend to do this sort of diy myself for fear of my dh doing exactly what yours did!

Original poster
RussellJack · 17/11/2024 21:38

sel2223 · 17/11/2024 21:36

You see, that's what would annoy me more, not the being rubbish at DIY and making a mistake as that could be any of us...... but no apology, going on the defensive etc is really poor

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Yep, he has serious problems admitting when he is wrong, you’re right, it’s an issue.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 17/11/2024 21:37

You know he's crap at DIY, and you let your elderly father sit there without checking? Either do it yourself or pay someone in future, then nobody's life is at risk.

sel2223 · 17/11/2024 21:36

RussellJack · 17/11/2024 21:34

Nope he has not, he was quite defensive in the moment, which would be his style when he screws up.

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You see, that's what would annoy me more, not the being rubbish at DIY and making a mistake as that could be any of us...... but no apology, going on the defensive etc is really poor

Octonaut4Life · 17/11/2024 21:36

The issue here then isn't the actual screw up, which could happen to anyone, it's his attitude and failure to apologise

Original poster
RussellJack · 17/11/2024 21:34

Onthesideofthespiders · 17/11/2024 21:32

Has he apologised? To your dad, for fucking up a very simple job.

Nope he has not, he was quite defensive in the moment, which would be his style when he screws up.

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 17/11/2024 21:33

If you had checked the chairs after he put them together, you'd have people shouting at you for undermining him.

sel2223 · 17/11/2024 21:33

Hope your dad is OK bless him.

I have to do all the flat pack assembly/ minor DIY in our household as DH is utterly hopeless at it

KoalaCalledKevin · 17/11/2024 21:33

What the hell does one do in this situation

Nothing? It was an accident. I'm alright at DIY - if I built a chair and made a genuine mistake and it collapsed, I wouldn't really expect DH to be angry at me over it tbh.