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Original poster

To think DH’s lack of DIY skills should not have endangered my father?

87 replies

RussellJack · 17/11/2024 21:26

As above, he is appalling at DIY but I trusted him to assemble some relatively simple ikea chairs. Tonight my elderly father sat on one and ended up lying on the ground because, upon examination afterwards, it had been missing a bolt.
What the hell does one do in this situation…DH is very kind to my parents and is a good man but his oversight could’ve really injured my father so I want to murder him but can’t murder him?!

OP posts:
user2848502016 · 17/11/2024 23:21

Do it yourself?
Buy ready assembled furniture?
Pay a handyman?

Not everyone is good at DIY!

Spirallingdownwards · 17/11/2024 23:14

RussellJack · 17/11/2024 21:38

Yep, he has serious problems admitting when he is wrong, you’re right, it’s an issue.

Show quote history

But have you also apologised for being in the wrong too by letting someone who you know is appalling at DIY do this job which you chose not to do purely because you do other stuff? Surely allocation by skills set is the way and you knew he didn't have the skills set.

Yes he should apologise but I think you should too, to your father for passing the job to someone you already knew wasn't up to it.

80smonster · 17/11/2024 23:13

Don’t shop at IKEA its not known for quality and longevity.

TheaBrandt · 17/11/2024 23:12

Stacks of furniture on Facebook marketplace or similar

Katemax82 · 17/11/2024 23:11

Your dh sounds like my stepdad

Dotto · 17/11/2024 23:10

TheaBrandt · 17/11/2024 23:03

Why keep on buying flat pack furniture if you know he’s crap at it? Just buy it ready made.

Have you SEEN the price of fully assembled dining chairs these days?!!

TheaBrandt · 17/11/2024 23:03

Why keep on buying flat pack furniture if you know he’s crap at it? Just buy it ready made.

MrsSkylerWhite · 17/11/2024 23:03

Sorry but if you know from experience that he’s bloody useless, why don’t you just do it yourself?

pl228 · 17/11/2024 23:03

Rocksaltrita · 17/11/2024 23:02

How hard is it to build an IKEA chair properly?

It isn't hard at all. But that doesn't mean everyone is capable of doing it. I'm sitting on an ikea chair I assembled about 20 years ago!

momager1 · 17/11/2024 23:03

Rocksaltrita · 17/11/2024 23:02

How hard is it to build an IKEA chair properly?

apparently for my husband.. who can fix anything and is the handiest man I know.. very hard LOL.

pl228 · 17/11/2024 23:02

I am confused as to why you both decided that DH was going to assemble a chair when he is shit at DIY. You should have done the chair and he should have done a job that suited his skillset.

Rocksaltrita · 17/11/2024 23:02

How hard is it to build an IKEA chair properly?

Original poster
RussellJack · 17/11/2024 23:01

Dotto · 17/11/2024 22:57

I'd tell him straight that his sulky behaviour is utterly obnoxious and unacceptable, to get over himself and stop making your life a misery when he messes up. It's so unattractive. There would only be so much I'd put up with it, if it is a repeated pattern as you say.

Edited to say perhaps I've imagined that he is being argumentative and sulky about it, however!

Edited
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Yep it’s a significant character flaw in an otherwise decent fellow. So weird that if he forgets to get milk he’ll be like “oh shit I’m so sorry” but yet he has serious issues with owning genuine fuck ups

OP posts:
momager1 · 17/11/2024 22:59

tell him to grow the hell up and just admit he made a mistake. My husband just rolls his eyes and says yup.. I must have been tired.. oh well.. and then rolls his eyes again every time i still laugh at him..and then asks me why I did not help put together? I just laugh and the best thing is..he does too

Noseybookworm · 17/11/2024 22:59

Not everyone's good at DIY. In our house it's generally me that puts together beds and other furniture as DH gets so stressed out and grumpy cos he's pretty rubbish at it and takes twice as long! So I would say either do it yourself or pay someone to do it - or make sure you check over anything DH has put together from now on!

Dotto · 17/11/2024 22:57

RussellJack · 17/11/2024 22:48

Does anyone know what to actually do with the defensiveness? Like, I can’t exhaust myself forcing him to admit fault, I don’t have the energy for that shit. And I guess I’m not leaving him because he didn’t assemble a chair correctly. So what does one do, besides purchase fully assembled furniture?!

I'd tell him straight that his sulky behaviour is utterly obnoxious and unacceptable, to get over himself and stop making your life a misery when he messes up. It's so unattractive. There would only be so much I'd put up with it, if it is a repeated pattern as you say.

Edited to say perhaps I've imagined that he is being argumentative and sulky about it, however!

momager1 · 17/11/2024 22:52

maybe it is an ikea thing? my husband is honestly brilliant.. he is a retired robotic engineer and has a millwright and electric ticket. We retired to an island and bought an ikea dining room table with chairs..that of course come flat packed. I sent this picture to his sisters..our kids .. and the guys he worked with for years before retirement. He still gets made fun of. Sorry hunny..not sorry lol just found another place to share your ikea issue

To think DH’s lack of DIY skills should not have endangered my father?
Agapornis · 17/11/2024 22:49

Hired help? IKEA shops do an assembly service.

Original poster
RussellJack · 17/11/2024 22:48

Does anyone know what to actually do with the defensiveness? Like, I can’t exhaust myself forcing him to admit fault, I don’t have the energy for that shit. And I guess I’m not leaving him because he didn’t assemble a chair correctly. So what does one do, besides purchase fully assembled furniture?!

OP posts:
Agapornis · 17/11/2024 22:47

Bet he could never follow Lego instructions either 😁

I love DIY, and he loves cooking. So I do the hanging of cupboards, fence and shed repairs, etc. We've divided it so we each only do things that the other feels we do well enough (if that makes sense!). Got a cleaner though, that took away a lot of my frustration around cleanliness.

Silvers11 · 17/11/2024 22:41

My DH isn't at all good at DIY, but we do it together. He definitely provides the muscle, when needed but It's me that generally works out what goes where/ how to actually do something. He has his own strengths but DIY isn't one of them!!

I think the main problem here is your DH's defensiveness though

TwoShades1 · 17/11/2024 22:37

My partner is also not good at some things (though can do flat pack) so I do the things he isn’t good it. I do most of the cooking or we would probably get a lot of food poisoning if DP cooked all the time without supervision. He doesn’t seem to have a good understanding of food hygiene so I wouldn’t want him preparing raw chicken, etc. He’s fine to make a sandwich though.

If you knew that doing the chairs was likely to be something he would struggle with/mess up then you should have done them yourself or with him or checked them afterwards.

OrwellianTimes · 17/11/2024 22:35

Well this has put me off ever buying Ikea chairs! I’d probably do the same.

Topseyt123 · 17/11/2024 22:33

RussellJack · 17/11/2024 22:28

Jayyyyyney! Can you use a net nanny to block him from viewing certain YouTube content?? 😂.
But seriously, my sympathies. At least my DH sort of knows he’s too unskilled to attempt anything beyond chairs..,

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣

Perhaps I should put parental controls on his devices.😁

Original poster
RussellJack · 17/11/2024 22:28

Topseyt123 · 17/11/2024 22:24

My DH is the same. Awful at DIY but really doesn't want to admit it. He seems to think that all he has to do to be an expert in anything he only has to watch a few YouTube videos.

Plumbing has been his nemesis and caused us real problems. One weekend when I was away visiting my elderly mother he was going to replace the diaphragm unit in our toilet cistern upstairs, which had split so that it couldn't flush well. He couldn't loosen the nut underneath. The job ended with him deciding to put a burner underneath the (ceramic) cistern having heard on YouTube that heating said nut and allow him to turn it. It cracked the ceramic cistern and discharged the water all over the floor (and down into the kitchen below). When I got back a couple of days later and found the cock-up he was suitably sheepish. We had to buy a new toilet, and I insisted that we paid a local professional plumber to fit it.

My DH's trouble is that he doesn't know his own limits and won't admit he has any, and that is what annoys me more than anything. After all, he has YouTube and needs nothing else!!

Edited

Jayyyyyney! Can you use a net nanny to block him from viewing certain YouTube content?? 😂.
But seriously, my sympathies. At least my DH sort of knows he’s too unskilled to attempt anything beyond chairs..,

OP posts: