How to handle this competitive mum in reception

Could you go down the route of "many children in Europe don't start school until 7, my child is happy, healthy and engaged in play which is what they should be ages 4/5 - I prefer not to discuss academics with other parents"

What if her child is ahead, would you not want to know so you can help yours?

Tell her your kidj ust got accepted into mensa get some stock letter from internet get a few others in on the joke should soon shut her up

This … and ear buds in your ear. When she starts talking shout - point at ear buds and say “shhh”

We had one of these … her son was unusually tall & born elsewhere. The parent rumor is that he was actually 8, and not 5 and that parents lied when he got his passport because prob didn’t have birth records where she is from. By end of the year, everyone had heard about her bright & talented boy, etc etc. It was awful and so boring,

She asked a lot of mums/dads where is the best primary you are aware of, we will move there because X is so bright and unchallenged. Specifically asked me to ask my husband, who is from NZ - what’s the best school in NZ, they could move there …. I just laughed … my husband would have no idea. They did move - no idea they just disappeared & she had no mum friends.

"Teachers tend to say that about all children at this age to boost their confidence. It doesn't really matter anyway as all children level out soon"!

You could try, "Is there any reason you feel the need to tell me this?"

Agree with this

I would take no pleasure in dragging down someone who lacks confidence. But I wouldn't compete with them either. Nod and smile. "Yes, Molly's doing fine thanks"

Ask her why is she telling you?

Try to steer convo to emotions - she's losing out on just enjoying meeting her child from school. U could start with 'you must be doing something right!' or even 'gosh u r so lucky not to have to worry about Tarquin in that way . Then: but we'd love them just the same even if ...etc. Or just give her what she seems to need 'wow really that's amazing.' then ask 'whats for dinner at yours im going to do fish and chips, because that's Harry's favourite. What's Tarqins favourite meal?. She was maybe brought up in academic pressure way and just needs reconnecting with the fact of motherhood and childhood. Her social skills out of tuneness could be sign of her being v lonely / unhappy. If u r really done just act like the one in Motherland who is the coolest and say things like 'i just glad if they get home safe and eat and sleep that's my baseline Hyacyinth!' then pull out a fake cigarette or be in phone having the most non achievementy conversation.

😂😂😂

Ah yes I don't miss those days, I remember a really similar mum when my DD1 was in nursery, she used to bring in 'shopping lists' her DD had written completely unprovoked apparently to show teachers and parents.. I avoided her like the plague and everyone else just thought she was a knob. I told her once that my DD didn't even know what a pen was and she seemed to take pity and leave me alone!

Use your own words, exactly this:

"My child is doing well. But they're just so young and it's just not my style to brag."

You might as well say ‘Bored now! I’m off.’

Oh that's a good idea! Saying something like "I personally don't see the point in comparing children to be honest, I'm just happy they're happy and doing their thing". And every time she starts again, just keep repeating "I don't like comparing kids, not interesting to me" and she'll surely get it after a couple of times.

I got help with getting away from conversations or people as I feel stuck sometimes and the therapist told me to say

"Thats really interesting but I have to go/need the toilet"

Wow, that's a really sad story for her, lovely for your DS.

My brother and I were academically gifted and my parents put a huge amount of pressure on us and constantly wanted to showcase us, making us play our musical instruments for guests, talking about big career aspirations as if they were already achieved, boasting about exam results and making up clever things we hadn't actually said. I squeaked into University and came out with a 2:2. I'm not especially successful in my career or anything else. My brother followed the rules longer than me and became a dentist, passionately hates it and blames my Mum, has grown a long beard and covered himself with tattoos, and wants to become an alpaca farmer and home educate his kids. Neither of us touch our musical instruments, they are not sources of fun to us.

DD is similar to how we were, but I do not want her to feel like she is some sort of trophy. I definitely don't want to make other people feel bad about their kids or worried they're not doing well enough at the age of 4!

Years ago I had a mate who's kids are bright

She really pushed him (and his sisters) into doing better than everyone else-they had to be better/faster/cleverer than anyone else (I remember him coming second at sports day and she ripped him a new one for not being first)

I mean it started with flashcards at birth and pressure to be the best at all times as he got older

She was also up the arse of the teachers

My ds is 3 months older and hated school

He's not academic at all-he did things in his own time and in his own way

She was all 'brag,brag,brag' (I mean her lot are very clever) but it was at the expense of mine (and others)

The sly digs and subtle jibes that where meant to back foot you

It came to exams-hers got top marks and mine flunked every one of his (I was genuinely chuffed for her)

Fast forward 8 years

My ds has built a top career,is paid well and loves his job-he's doing well for himself-he's just given me my first grandchild

Her ds just sits at home,smoking weed,spending her money and gets violent if she refuses him anything,so she's putting more pressure on his sisters to get the top marks and top jobs so she can brag about them

It just took mine a while to find his groove I guess (I'm super proud of him no matter what)

Gold star to that mum.

But it's best not to do it in front of the children concerned. My DD commented years later, 'Why did you always make a joke out of it if people asked about something I did really well instead of just saying I'd done it really well?' Fair point, DD.

"Sorry got to rush. Desdemona has her grade 5 violin exam this afternoon. Toodles!"

Your mate is awesome!

I had someone do this, if I ever said anything about DS hers was one better. Oh DS did really well in his maths test last week, he was worried about it....she would reply with oh yes, my ds came top of the class.
Its carried on now, they are 17 ffs. I mentioned that my ds had been to a party the weekend before (just because we were talking about the kids and I said I hated it because I had to syat up to go get him (god forbid im not in bed by 9pm 😂) anyway, it had to be counteracted with, "oh yes, I never see my ds these days, always at one party or another, he has so many new friends".
I just nod and smile

I find it baffling that anyone would be so lacking in self-awareness to do this.

DSD15 really struggled at Primary School and honestly we were a bit worried about how she was going to get on. She was diagnosed with ADHD before secondary school and has been doing brilliantly ever since, but I think we get away with mentioning it because she goes to school in a different county so we're not comparing her to the children of our friends if we say, "Oh, she came top in maths this term, we're so proud of her!" Our friends also know the struggles she had in Primary School so I think we get a free pass maybe?

DD4 is a very different child. She LOVES school and is doing really well. She knows she's clever, we know she's clever. It is exciting when she goes up another book band or we get a note from the teacher about something impressive she did in maths TO US. We know that no-one else (other than my Mum) wants to hear about it. If another parent brings up that she seems clever/advanced, I usually play it down by saying, "Oh, your DC is a few months younger, it makes a big difference at this age!" or "Girls' language development is so fast at the beginning, but the boys catch up!" or commenting on something their child is really good at.

Why would anyone want another parent to walk away from a conversation with them feeling belittled, unsupported or worried about their child's progress? Especially when you know that you've got 7 years to see that parent at the school gates!

I work with a girl just like this one

She's 16 and the most nasty and spiteful bully I've ever met

She tried it with me once,but it went over my head and I laughed at her

Anyway,I was once outside after my shift,waiting for dp to pick me up when her father came to pick her up

I didn't have a clue who he was but seeing I was wearing works uniform,he wandered over to start bragging about her

Apparently,she's so super clever,she's going to be the manager within weeks,was a super bright child,walked at birth,never cried as she could tell him what she wanted,was reading at a month old,was working at genius level the day she started school,excelled at everything she's ever done-the list was looonnnggg

I remember just looking at him banging on-he wasn't listening to anything I had to say,I was just a set of ears to listen to him

She's a bully,she's known for trying it on with her peers boyfriends and shagging them given a chance (I know this is not all her-they can say no)she was always getting hauled in at school to see the head for bullying (3 kids that i know,moved schools due to her),she's been arrested so many times for assault,she's as thick as mince,is all gob (and her gob is loud) and the most vapid and narcissistic young lady I've ever met

She's been here 5 months and isn't a manager yet (not for the lack of 'but I'm sooo super clever!i dont want to work for the post but I should be a manager by now!')

She's the most disliked person in the company-and we are the most friendly,we-are-all-in-this-together group of colleagues you'd ever meet

She's not going to get very far with this attitude but her parents seem to think she will

That's amazing, Sally. My children are thick as mince.

We had this type of mum at school (I'm going back a few years)

If your child knew their ABC,hers knew it backwards and was able to read war and peace in Latin

If your child knew 123,hers was working out the square root of an egg

She'd work the playground like a pro

Anyway for about a year,it was all brag,brag,brag until another mum (who was humble and would have died before bragging) had her teacher (I can't remember why) have the dd tested and found she really was a bright child-working at a much higher level than our kids

The 'bright' mum got a bit fed up of 'bragging' mum and let it slip in front of her and the other mums

We never had bragging mum again-wed get the dirty looks from the other side of the playground

(Wish I'd been there that day but I was in hospital giving birth and missed it!)