To struggle on this salary?

I can’t believe all the banging on about the student loan without a second of consideration that it could be for something other than a student loan company undergraduate degree debt 😭

and yes the car is expensive but of course you can’t just get out of these things. It may not be a lease, because if so, it’s an extremely cheap one. It might be a personal loan, for a car, which could easily be £300 repayment a month for a cheap car (that’s approx a £12k loan)

things aren’t always as simple or easy to fix as posters like to think

Just have to get through the tough nursery years 🥲

She has very clearly provided her after tax pay. £36k after tax is very high.

I’m surprised people think you’re being unreasonable. Seems there are two types of people on mumsnet. Those content to live frugally (in poverty?), and those well off. Perhaps the middle class are being squeezed from both sides?

anyway, I’d hate to be in your position OP. You’re only one event away from needing a large expenditure - car breaks down, fridge, leaking roof, needing knew mattress, plumbing isssue etc

Ha! the most unstealthy stealth boast ever.

Depends if you like bedding made of dead ducks I guess

Eh? What is the purpose of this comment?

also, £500 on bedding? How many beds do you have?!

OP lots of us have been there. My household income was slightly more than yours (2 adults but we were relatively young and earlier on in our careers. I remember one month genuinely wondering how we would pay the mortgage (in the end my husband sold a watch he didn’t use). We both kept working (I did part time for a bit and then my husband did), but we have both been FT since youngest was 2.5 years.Other friends use to think we were mad as one salary was going on childcare and it would have been financially better for one of us to stay at home and get a job doing evening/weekend shifts in a bar or shop; however, hang in there it gets better. Your salary will increase. You will get promotions. Nursery fees are not forever. We now are very comfortable. We also are both at a senior level so we have quite a bit of flexibility with work so we can pick up children as needed and both wfh a lot.

This has got to be a wind up!

New bedding £500? My duvet cover is £20 from Asda, what the heck are you sleeping on? Maybe I’m too poor to understand

£36k ish though? That’s pretty much the average isn’t it? And I think it’s pretty average to struggle - as in, most people are struggling.

I think @TheSpoonyNavyReader is stealth boasting and inflating a bit.

Volvo ... XC90 has a 71 litre tank. So from on the fumes to full is about £110 max.

Bedding £500 ... if tou buy the very very top of the range .. but why would you.

Some people have more money than sense.

This.

Single parents have always struggled, always. This isn't a new phenomenon.

If you didn't have a child you'd be doing well and have plenty of disposable income.

However, I can understand you feeling defeated and fed up. Like others have said, it will get much better in time.

The only alternative is to look for another job with similar pay but not as intense? Some work from home element. So it doesn't feel like you are quite as stretched as you are now. Is that possible?

@Sparsely In the meantime you have litttle disposable income for a 5 year span, but you are paying for an education, a car, a house and a pension . These are assets that you will benefit from long after that jumper has been sent to landfill.

A car is not an "asset."

Cars are disposable tools that depreciate in value over time. This is why spending huge sums of money on a car is illogical.

How is posting this helpful to the OP?

Thing is, though - absolutely EVERYONE feels like this. Everyone.

This is a case of just managing your feelings around it. If you have a house, a car and a child to support, money isn’t infinite. Most of it gets spent on the mundane.

But if you stop working you’ll screw your future self.

@TheSpoonyNavyReader Car is a Volvo…

It's always weird how people point out their car brand as though to say it isn't a luxury vehicle.

The brand is irrelevant. An oversized Volvo is still an oversized car.

Sorry, but £150 to fill up the car with petrol? You must be driving something the size of a World War 2 era tank. Why do you need a vehicle that size?

Salary might be okish but you’re a single income household, like me, so feels like you should be ok but it doesn’t go far when you’re paying nursery fees and student loans

The problem is that you are paying for a family on a single person's salary. Things get better once the kids go to school, I promise.

In the meantime you have litttle disposable income for a 5 year span, but you are paying for an education, a car, a house and a pension . These are assets that you will benefit from long after that jumper has been sent to landfill. You are also keeping a career going that will pay you good money for the next 20 years. There's no guarantee you can return if you leave.

Can you sell some clothes you never wear on Vinted to buy a coat? Or find one on there?

Unfortunately, the cost of living has far outstripped increases in wages. It's shit. And as a lone parent to a small child, unless you have an extremely well paid job, you're never going to feel well off. It's sad, but it's true.

One of the best things I've ever done is bin off car finance and stick to a fairly basic, older, smaller, car (e.g. I own a 10 year old Skoda outright).

Not only does it save you the finance payment each month but it typically makes insurance cheaper, and things like tyres are cheaper on basic cars. It really has saved me a fortune.

If you haven't got the savings to buy outright then consider downgrading your financed car to a cheaper, no-frills, entry-level vehicle. I don't think there's any on the market that aren't perfectly safe and perfectly decent to drive even on motorways.

I also wonder if your child's other parent is paying enough maintenance (unless they have custody 50pc of the time). If the nursery fees are 800pcm and they're paying £400pcm then that doesn't cover additional costs such as food and clothes.

Regardless, things will get easier as your loan is paid off and your child enters school. These early years are a financial nightmare for most working parents.

How can 2x duvet covers, pillowcases & sheets x2 = £500 at M&S? I’m baffled!

Well the most expensive fitted sheets at M&S are £63 and if you chose to spend £187 on a duvet set then yes that's extravagant!

I like nice bedding that's cotton and have a super king size bed but you don't need to spend that much

I'd want the unicorn to change the bed and put a wash on too

The nursery years are shit for money.

I implore you to keep working through this period if you can. You are investing in your future self - building a career which will hopefully pay more over time. Also keeping up with your NI /pension contributions. I know so many women who decided that the 'sums didn't work' and gave up their career. A lot haven't gone back to work or having to start over.

Shouldn't you be getting more from your ex? CM plus half of nursery?

He is. (£400 contribution to £800 nursery).

He’s just not paying enough to the rest of the costs of raising a child.