SAHM + Nanny

Why struggle when you have the means to make parenting more manageable. Ignore the judgement, it usually stems from jealousy. I would have loved a nanny when mine were that age, it is exhausting! Your probably a better parent for having the help rather than being stressed and run off your feet.

This kind of judgement is sadly often how people express their jealousy. Ignore them. Your set up sounds ideal for your family.

I didn’t have a nanny, we could never have afforded it but I’m going to guess that your husband (and yourself) earns a bloody good salary. Bloody good salaries inevitably come with long hours and he’s probably not much help when he is around and, frankly, he needs to be engaging with the children in the limited time he’s at home. My husband worked away and it was fucking hard. Why out yourself through that shit if you can afford not to??

when I had my 3rd I was a member of a gym that had a crèche and he was in that crèche the very day he turned 6 weeks old (and the staff couldn’t wait to get him)

There are no prizes for doing it all and “managing” mother and children both benefit if mum can look after herself.

when I was in the thick of it I’d have been jealous as hell, no doubt. But that’s my issue, not yours.

You have a nanny you know, like and trust with your children! You'd have been stupid to let her go whilst on mat leave. Ignore the others.

Jealousy, pure and simple.

Just because people can 'manage' doesn't mean to say they are thriving. More like surviving.

I had a lot of help early on OP and it made a world of difference.

Enjoy your life!!

Look at them like they are a bit stupid (which they clearly are) and say 'buuttt..... I'm going to need her when I go back to work in 6 months?!' this way I get a good judge of how she is with my children before I leave them alone with her all day'/'do you think if I make her redundant while I'm on ML she llbe hanging round for 6 months and free when I go back to work? Of course she won't, and then I have the stress of finding another nanny as fabulous as her and build up that trust again. This way seems a better investment of my money in the children's safety, security and my peace of mind to me but hey ho we are all different I guess'
And even if you were never to go back to work do I/you think they wouldn't jump at the chance of an extra pairs of hands?!, course they would unless they are a martyr

we have a toddler and baby and have nanny for evenings when my partner isn’t around and cleaners x 6 days a week. I feel oddly guilty and underplay it to others. I recently met a woman whose eldest is in nursery and she is on mat leave with baby AND has a FT live in nanny. And she wasn’t embarrassed about it at all. Her husband works long hours and they have no family help and she said if her mother could she’d come and stay but she can’t so this is next best thing. And I thought good on you and it me question why I feel embarrassed and why some people judge other mums for having help. As another poster says there are no medals. We should each do what is right for us. I’m getting a nanny now for going back to work and I’ve decided to get her to start 2 months before I go back so I can have some time to do all the many things I never have time for, like getting my hair cut, going to dentist, de cluttering and also some nice stuff without guilt.

How often do you have her around?

A few hours a week, I would think it’s a good idea.

But if it was a FT nanny then I must admit I would judge a bit.

Not in a nasty way but more of a surprised way because surely you become a SAHP to spend time with the kids.
And it would imply that your DH doesn’t do much parenting alone at all.

If I had money then I would absolutely get a regular chef, gardener and cleaner etc but I wouldn’t have a regular nanny unless I was a single parent.
I would get a babysitter to do irregular hours.

I do think it’s a good idea to have the nanny get to know the kids before you go back to work and so that is a good idea.

I don’t think you should care what other people think though.
Some celebs have a live in nanny and barely parent their kids at all.

To be honest, when I was in the thick of sleepless nights and relentless days at home with two under three I’d have been jealous of someone in this situation OP and I would think you are very lucky. I think the same of people who have really helpful and hands on grandparents. It isn’t easy doing it all on your own. But that’s not your problem so don’t worry, acknowledge you’re fortunate to be in your position and try not to ever complain about how difficult life with two small children is when in the vicinity of people less fortunate as that will not go down well.

They’re jealous. Ignore them.

I was a SAHM with a part time nanny. We also outsourced lots of other things as well. I believe in making life as easy as you can.

I had 2 under 2 and kept eldest in nursery 3 days a week. I have spoken to others similar who didn't use childcare when second came along and they really struggled!
Congratulations on getting time to yourself, I'm sure after a swim or a gym session you're recharged and in a better mood with your kids!

It’s just plain and simple jealousy op brush it off. It is no one else’s business how you run your life and so what if they had 3 under 3. Good for them, we all parent differently and I can bet anything if it was a man who was in your position and hired a nanny it would be applauded.

if I could of afforded a nanny when my youngest (4 now) was a baby I absolutely would have!

It’s your choice OP, and there’s nothing wrong with having 2 carers - if you have a good nanny it’s no different to having a helpful grandparent around. However, the vast majority of families can’t afford such a luxury, so I would suggest you keep quiet about it in future, unless all your friends are equally minted. Because people will feel jealous, and that’s when they’ll make derogatory remarks.

How many hours does she work?

Then I’ll judge 😂

I’m bringing my DD up to do what works for her. People will always find a way to judge if they want to, whatever choices you make.

I worked as a nanny before I had my first child. When she was 2 I did my nursing training,there was an onsite crèche, she loved it. I put off having anymore I became a registered child minder after baby number 3. It was easier than trying to go out to work. Maternity leave was 3 months after the birth in those days. I had 4 altogether. Only child no parental help,my late DM worked ft. I worked nights to h days and visa Versa. By the time I had my 4th second marriage my late father was terminally ill,DM dead. I was the classic sandwich generation. Not a bit jealous, I wanted to bring up my kids myself.

I had three under three ,and just about managed .
But I think your set up is bliss .
If I could of afforded that I would
And I bet most people would too ,if they were honest.
People have no right poking their noses in and giving opinions when not asked for .
Good for you ,I say