SAHM + Nanny

This is a great idea. I wish I had had the same option. Well done to you.

As a fellow woman, I love this for you! If I had the resources and financial means, I would do the same. I say celebrate having the confidence to put yourself first simply because you are deserving. Common myth appears to be that unless we are self-sacrificing as women, we can never be great mothers.

Well if the nanny is full time then in my worldly view op you are not a sahm.

You can dress it how you like op 😂😂

You can also crack on with your lovely swimming and daily steams but in the true sense of the word you are not carrying out the role on your own

I mean you literally pay someone to parent whilst you are in the room 😂😂 sounds fab but don’t try to kid yourself that you are a sahm. In reality you do not stay at home you do what you like throughout the days

I am not jealous btw but my pride would never have allowed me to do what you do. I’d never have wanted others to think I couldn’t manage on my own and tbh isn’t it a touch lazy? Is your dh perhaps thinking you could slide into a depression? Does he think you are not capable of going it alone?

I could understand a couple of hours a week here and there so you could get certain things done

Saying others are jealous is a tad ott as there are plenty women who would not want or need the assistance regardless of income.

This is what I would have said to them too.

They're just jealous OP. As am I 😅 If you can afford it, take the help! Don't feel guilty about it

Sounds like bliss!

If I could afford one I would and I’m on maternity leave with my second. My toddler goes to preschool 3 days a week and I find the 2 days I have them both so hard!

It’s ideal and anyone who says it’s not is bonkers! Its nothing do with them, but if you feel judged then just tell them that she’s so fantastic that she’s a part of the family now and you didn’t want to risk letting her go for such a short time as she’d even be unavailable when you needed her again so have kept her on. That will make them more jealous, but (shrug).

Who is paying for the nanny? If you are paying yourself, why is it any of other people’s business. Plenty of people living it large at taxpayer’s expense, those are the ones taking the piss.

They're just jealous. I think you all get the best of everything this way. Better for the kids. Better for you.

Honestly leave this group. Like you say it’s common in London to have Nannie’s I’m sure there will be other places with more like minded mothers who don’t see it as some sort of competitive martyrdom

Yeah, because sacrifice is glorified!! So, so sad. Good for you, OP!!!

I've just seen update that your nanny is full time. I would judge tbh and not because of jealously! Just not what I would personally do...but as I said before I certainly wouldn't voice it and make you feel shit about it as it's whatever works for you.

Well I suppose most SAHM don’t “need” a nanny, but I don’t really need online shopping deliveries, a robot hoover, and a cleaner every week but it makes my life more bearable and we can afford it. Do what you want OP it’s nobody’s business what you and your family do, if it works for you smile and carry on are you are.

I never went back OP by the way. I wanted to spend more time with my children.

That's like my DH. It's not changed and kids are much older now.

I really needed the help back then. Don't ever feel guilty about this.

My DMil flew over to stay when DT’s were born. She was a teacher and luckily they were born just at the start of the long summer school holidays. She did the majority of the night feeds for the DT’s and got them into a good routine. If she hadn’t been able to come over, I would have paid for a night nanny.

Gosh, no. You're giving your family and children as much support as possible. That can't be bad.

It's got fuck all to do with anyone else.

It makes your life easier
It's giving someone employment.

win/win as far as I'm concerned.

Nobody's handing out medals for wearing yourself out doing everything. If you can afford help and want help then there's nothing wrong with that.

YADNBU, I have a 17 month age gap and was able to survive the first year with both only by keeping my son in nursery 4 days a week. I appreciate that (like you) we were very lucky to be able to afford childcare when I was on mat leave, but I would have really struggled with both full time. I also appreciate that lots of people do have to struggle with 2, 3 or more young children and lots besides and don’t have this luxury, but I’m not suffering for the sake of it or out of some misplaced sense of solidarity with others!

Sahm here. I wouldn't have liked a nanny (but that's because I really enjoyed being with my children + didn't want anyone else to do it, trustissues) but I would never have judged you. I think I would have been jealous of you being able to trust someone with your baby (which is sane, I'm the loony one with trust issues) to get some time for myself. The thing is people will always judge. I had mums telling me "don't know how you can take care of your children all the time, don't you get bored?". I could have told them that I wouldn't leave my children to a childminder (having 4 children at charge) at 3 months old if I don't have to having seen how a lot of them (not all) talk about children and how it's bordering on neglect when they let them "cry it out" instead of comforting them. You are lucky as you have a motivated lovely nanny who only do your kids. Kids are happy, you are happy and it's really great for all of you. Don't listen to what envious/ignorant people say. You know you are doing what's Best for YOUR family and in the end that's all that matters.

Take absolutely no notice- they're just jealous. She's nice, you get on. What's not to like!

Tbh this is awful and will cause you problems. Leave and find your people elsewhere