SAHM + Nanny

@Itoldyousoo

Gosh just the opposite

However to hell if I’m going to have a nanny by my side whilst I’m raising my babies! Hell no!

But that’s my view on the situation!

For example Id never marry and have kids with a man who needed a nanny by his side all week - I just wouldn’t - sorry I can’t change my worldly view to fit in with yours!

As you say, she is lovely, it makes your life easier, you are happy and you can afford it. Everybody’s winning so don’t let other people’s opinions get you down. Nothing wrong with your choices.

It’s irrelevant what other people do, the set up the Op has is working for her family. The level of help we have had over the years has fluctuated dependent upon what we needed - we started with a regular cleaner who then became a daily housekeeper, two of the key workers at DT’s nursery became our weekly babysitters .

@Namechang3ds it's purely jealousy!

3 under 3 and they didn't need a nanny?! Who said anything about NEEDING a nanny?! If you WANT a nanny and can afford a nanny then have one!

And I bet if your "3 under 3" was in the same financial position they'd also have a nanny.

I didn't say that. 🤷‍♀️

You don't need to be tied to your children 24/7 to be a good parent. Of course you can go and have time to yourself.

I was a sahp and fantasised about having time to myself, I'm sure it's normal!
If I could have afforded a nanny then I would have.

Some people that don't have nannies drop the kids off to parents so they can go shopping, date nights, appointments etc it's no different.

I think what you are doing is lovely. You're keeping the continuity for your older child and keeping the job open for your nanny. Also you can spend 1:1 time with your baby as well from time to time. It sounds like an arrangement that will make everyone happy.

@Ytcsghisn

"I am not jealous btw but my pride would never have allowed me to do what you do. I’d never have wanted others to think I couldn’t manage on my own and tbh isn’t it a touch lazy? Is your dh perhaps thinking you could slide into a depression? Does he think you are not capable of going it alone? "

I would suggest you think too much about what OTHERS think about you as opposed to it being your own business. Do you always feel judged by your husband and others?

@Itoldyousoo

believe it or not - most people’s solution to the irritations of motherhood is not a full time nanny

truly it is not!

I agree she's not a SAHM. She's on maternity leave. And plenty of people continue with childcare for their older child while on maternity leave with their younger. My oldest continued at nursery.

@ShinyShona

exactly

How many posts do we see on here with women complaining that they cannot handle one child never mind two !

Are they told to be proud, be a real mum, have dignity and woman up? No it's usually call on the husband or someone else to help🙄
It is sheer jealousy if people judge having a nanny and none of their business.

There is just no way that I would pay for a full time nanny whilst on maternity leave

Absolutely not.

If you think I am jealous then you are truly mistaken.

@Ytcsghisn

i don’t think I was passive aggressive I think I made my opinion quite clear?

Just because a handful of people have come on and said you are great for doing this it doesn’t mean there’s millions of others who wouldn’t do it

And for the same reasons as me!

Simply as you can understand why she does it why not simply understand why I wouldn’t

This isn't judgemental, it's just a matter of fact. A SAHM is a full time job where you do everything at home whilst your partner is the sole earner.

If you have a nanny, you're not a full time SAHM. You're a parent who chooses not to work full time. That's fine if it works for you and your partner but if the relationship ever went south, I can guarantee you would not be considered a SAHM.

If you can afford it and you get enough time with the children to keep them and you happy, I don't see why not. It will make for an easy transition when you go back to work and the only change is that only nanny is there for longer periods than before.

That doesn’t sound like pride. Plenty of other words to describe it though. None of them flattering.

And has anyone seen such a passive aggressive post to shame a woman for using help that she pays for herself.

This is probably the kind of person OP has been encountering. Hiding jelousy by pretending to be an earth mother.

I think it sounds like a great set up and you’re very lucky. Surely the ideal is to have help when you need it so you can enjoy time with your kids, have one on one, do exercise or relax when you have time to yourself.

I had a 24month age gap and found it so hard - I would have loved the support of a nanny!

Agree with this 100%. Jealousy. It is an unusual situation in many circles but it works for you, you can afford it. Enjoy for sure. :-) ps. For context I had 2 your age and if we could have afforded, I'd have done this and I've had a third.

Do they think it would have been better to make the nanny redundant and then try to find another one you liked when maternity leave finished? Rather than sticking with the one you and your child are already happy with?