SAHM + Nanny

You are lucky to be in a position to do this. Do I care? Not in the slightest cos it is none of my business, and trust me back in my child rearing days if I could have afforded a Nanny, omg I would have had one with bells on. Child rearing is hard work, there are days mums feel like a full on day of combat would be easier than rearing children lol. You do you and what suits your family, and don't mind what people say. If they ain't paying your bills they don't get a say in how you spend your money

Theres a difference between refusing to sacrifice anything and refusing to sacrifice everything.

Lets also not kid ourselves, it isn’t parents that are expected to sacrifice everything, it’s mothers.

You don't seem to understand anything I say but that's ok.

It’s auto correct - it’s not that deep 🤣🤣

@Namechang3ds I had 3 under 3 and a husband working abroad - would have loved a nanny! I didn't cope or thrive, I just about survived. It sounds very sensible for the children to build a bond with a nanny you trust before you head back to work.

Urgh if one more person says

nannie's i may vomit in disgust.

The plural of "nanny" is "nannies". No apostrophe

I think it’s your wording that’s the issue.

You aren’t a SAHP because that implies you are choosing to stay home to look after the kids.

As you have a FT nanny, then you aren’t doing this.

It’s like saying you’re a single parent but are actually in a relationship and live with their dad.
Yes there may be times when you parent alone but that doesn’t make you a single parent.

I think if you told your friends you are a housewife or are on maternity leave and you have a nanny because you struggle to cope, then they would have no judgement at all.

It’s like someone saying they’re a working mum when in reality they don’t have a job.
It would absolutely get peoples backs up if someone said they’re tired because they’re a working mum and then it turns out they don’t actually have a job, especially if the people you’re telling are actually tired from working and parenting.

I imagine it’s because he works long hours and travels regularly.

As someone with 2 close in age and no help at all, I want to say that I think it is fabulous, feel no guilt whatsoever!

Yeah i could have afforded this so not remotely jealous but can't see why I'd have needed a FT nanny when my two were small.

I think it is about how people's expectations of parenting have changed. It used to be accepted that having kids meant sacrifices - less time, probably less exercise etc, because you simply put children first and they need their parents.

Nowadays it seems like there's a culture emerging that parents don't need to sacrifice anything. The child must slot in, mum & dad's gym regimen does not need to change at all, no ones career needs to taken the slightest back seat, children must be subjected to whatever holiday or social plans their parents would like, regardless of whether its suitable for a toddler or not.

Even with a small gap, two kids genuinely isn’t that hard. A mothers help a few days a week - yes, a full time nanny? I just didn't need it. It would have been a random person dealing with my kids for me. They are my kids and I wanted to care for them.

You're not a SAHM, you're on maternity? A SAHM, to me, is not in paid employment or very very casual work and spends their time caring for their kids.

As for other responses, who cares? You can afford it and I bet they'd be doing the same if they could.
Parenting isn't a struggle competition.

Sorry I purposely didn't expand because I don't want to cause offence/upset really! I wouldn't judge in a malicious way just would have difficulty comprehending your decision to have a nanny full time. It's just not what I would choose as I'd feel like I'm missing out on time with my child/children and feel like someone else is raising my child. I don't personally see it as the same as sending a child to nursery as you still do morning/bedtime routine etc. which you may well do but I think it's easy to judge and have a preconception initially that a full time nanny is because a mum is struggling to do it all themselves (which is understandable!) or didn't really want to be a mum very much in the first place...not saying that's true in your case but I think people can easily make that assumption before knowing the ins and outs of your set up! I hope this doesn't cause offense I'm just giving a different perspective ... Some of it may very well be jealousy from these other mums but if it works for you and your family then f*ck them. X

I had a live in nanny for 10 years OP. As a lone parent it was absolutely essential for my career etc

It's absolutely none of their business how you bring up your DC or what you spend your money on.

Perfect! Then enjoy it and ignore everyone else.

That’s not the case for me.

Not every parent loves baby classes.

This is not hate or jealousy at all

I wish the op and her family no ill will

However I just wouldn’t follow her path and it’s unfair to claim anyone who wouldn’t is jealous

Nah, it's always been a bit of a cesspit to be honest. Like X but with less attentive moderators.

I am on maternity leave too and I’m looking for a part-time nanny at the moment. Everyone around me think it’s sensible

@Itoldyousoo

i am not here to care for the op

you dont actually know why her husband agreed to pay circa 50k for someone to care for his kids alongside op do you?

Loads of jealousy-based hate on this thread. Don’t listen to a word of it, I think nannie’s are rarer in certain parts of the country, so there is that to consider when reviewing some of these absolutely bonkers responses.

Enjoy your life. You'll be a better mother for having time to take care of yourself.

I think it sounds like a great setup both for you and your children. I would have loved a nanny and I think it ensures both your children get more attention that way too. Win win OP!

Agree with this

OP, genuinely, do what you want, it's no skin off my nose. Personally, I would make different choices. Please don't assume I must be jealous / wishing I could do it your way

Your on maternity leave keep your decent nanny. It makes your life easier. Judgers will always judge. Two children so close in age is hard work. You can afford it so why not. As your husband works long hours it would be hard without.