SAHM + Nanny

You need to learn, and fast, that you don't owe anyone an explanation about choices you make. If you are happy, are you? Then stuff everyone else. Could be jealous, could be any number of irrelevant reasons. Choose your friends wisely. This is a quick and easy way to weed out rubbish potentials.

People can be incredibly judgemental!

I gave up work (a big job too) when we adopted two young girls who turned out to have loads of additional needs including learning disabilities. I

At a coffee morning a woman said to me "oh so you're a kept woman?".

So she's supposed to sack the woman she trusts with her children while she's on maternity leave and put everyone through the stress of finding a new nanny when she returns to work in 6 months? Or she was supposed to return to work immediately after popping out the baby seeing as she was paying a full time nanny? Which option do you think she should have gone for above the obviously logically (to me anyway) of employing the nanny full time during her ML and while her husband travels regularly and works v long days while home

Firstly if you’re going back to work after mat leave in 6 months time, then you’re not a SAHM, you’re a working mum on mat leave.

Secondly, as a FT working mum, I say ignore the rude people at the party. You can afford your set up and you’re not complaining or boasting.

Some martyr themselves and get upset when other women won’t do the same. Your eldest is getting care and full attention and so is your youngest. This is good for all of you.

Relax and enjoy yourself
Life is for living not suffering
Congrats OP

It’s fine. You’re lucky. But don’t expect people to not be surprised as it is an unusual arrangement.
I understand why you’ve done it as you definitely want to retain the nanny when you go back to work.

Not planned maybe? Or maybe like me, time isn’t on her side due to age and it was a now or never thing.

I have 3 under 3 because of that (youngest two are twins).

dod you make the same error when you were talking to these people who supposedly judged you?

Did you go back to work in between mat leaves?

I think the main issue is calling yourself a SAHM when you're not.

You're on mat leave and kept the nanny on for when you return to work.

If your describing yourself as a SAHM and then saying you've got a nanny I can sort of see why people are raising an eye. As if she's full time then you're basically just a lady of leisure rather than slogging it out doing solo parenting all week with 2 under 2.

Well, it’s a tid bit of OP’s life that she’s shared on here. Not to mention her children are still very young so there’s still plenty of time for ‘sacrificing’.

I'd sort of get it if it was unexpected twins but if you aren't naturally the sort who adores the baby stage & needs help, its a bit bonkers to have two 12 months apart that you can't manage.

Will you. e going back full time?

And will be a senior very full on role?

I was new to the local area with no family and friends and my husband worked away a lot when they were tiny. He left before the kids woke up and returned long after I had put them to sleep. It was isolating and difficult and I wish I had had an extra pair of sometimes.

But then why did you choose to have 2 kids 12 months apart?

Its a massive and pretty unusual choice. You could have just had a normal space between children so you could manage.

Sounds fine to me. Being on mat leave is different to if you actually were a SAHM. My older child is in nursery full time and is remaining as such even though I’m on mat leave. Age gap is a couple of months more than you and I know I wouldn’t be able to give both enough attention if it was just me plus the two of them.

If you've got a lovely nanny, who you trust and value, you'd be mad to let her go, only to have to find someone new (who's unlikely to be such a good fit for you) in 6 months. Much better for the kids to have that consistency too.

You’re not a SAHM though? You’re on maternity leave soon to be going back to work, so of course you’re not going to let your great nanny go! Why don’t you just say “of course we’re keeping nanny as I’m going back to work soon”.

It’s an odd thread tbh as the title isn’t reflective of the actual circumstances and it’s coming across as a bit smug/look at me I can afford to be a lady of leisure when actually you have two very young children and a demanding job to return to - an entirely different scenario to the one you seem to be trying to portray.

What do they expect you to do fire the nanny when your on maternity leave and then rehire her when you go back to work. If you can afford it and it works I don't blame you. When mine where babies I would of 100% had a night nanny if I could afford it

sounds like green eyed teeth gritted jealousy to me.

This, OP. There’s a cost of living crisis on, childcare has never been more expensive, and you’re surprised that people are jealous?

seems surprising to me that you wouldn’t be more sensitive but ok

obviously if you can afford it crack on but let’s not pretend this is really so confusing to you 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it depends how much time the children spend with nanny vs with you. Is she just an extra pair of hands or is she doing the majority of child care?
I had 2 babies 18 months apart and if I'd had the money I'd definitely liked a mother's help but more to help me keep on tip of things, not for full time childcare.

Not every child is the same though. I used to think like you and then I had 2 12 months apart. My eldest had very serious medical issues shortly after birth which meant he had to attend appointments at various hospitals and was under consultant care until he was 2 and half. That definitely made things harder.

Also some people have a bigger "village". I was new to the local area with no family and friends and my husband worked away a lot when they were tiny. He left before the kids woke up and returned long after I had put them to sleep. It was isolating and difficult and I wish I had had an extra pair of sometimes.

Obviously parents do sacrifice careers/time/sleep etc. but I literally felt like I had no one and it really was 24/7. I didn't see my old friends for literally years and stopped working and no I didn't go on holidays or nights out. Tbh, i would have been grateful for someone to watch the babies so I could just shower in peace or not have to take them to a smear test appointment. 😅

Thankfully my son is now completely healthy and my husband only did that job for a couple of years as a stepping stone for a promotion. But honestly, the first 3 years of motherhood were brutal for me.

Lets also not kid ourselves, it isn’t parents that are expected to sacrifice everything, it’s mothers

I didn't sacrifice everything. I just went swimming of an evening when my husband got home during mat leave. We both had to adjust working hours to share school runs etc later on.

Yes we both sacrificed a bit of freedom & leisure time for a few short years when the kids were young, thats parenting.

Kinda hard to see what if anything op or her DH actually give up in order to put their children's needs first.