SAHM + Nanny

I would do the same if I had the resources, except I’d also hire a cleaner and a chef also.
I am sure the time with your children is quality time because you’re rested and happy. I am
also sure you’ll live longer than those of us that went through it sleep deprived or with anxiety issues from the exhaustion and pressure of it.

Enjoy your beautiful kids and family & your life. Your job is to be a Mother not a martyr.

This reminds me of my cousin recently telling my Mum that she has never had a dishwasher and neither did my great Aunty, who also didn’t drive. As I said to my Mum, nobody is going to give you a medal for being ‘hard working Italian peasant of the year’.

Just live your life and be happy & welcome to Motherhood where any information you share can, will and could be used against you. I would say it’s probably envy, of just amazement you can afford it.

Op I'm a sahm with a toddler and primary aged child and I have a nanny. We can afford it, I can ensure each of my dc have my attention without feeling split, I'm then also not bound with a toddler in tow if I need to do something, I don't need to drag my toddler on the school run, and if one child is sick I don't need to drag the other around to the doctors and attend to the I'll one with full attention.

Your friends are utterly jealous that is all. I don't think a single person would turn down help if they could. Around here (London too), it's very normal to have help (Nannie's, cleaners) regardless of sahp or working.

I wouldn’t worry about it. When I was a SAHM I had a cleaner. Couldn’t care less what people might have thought of that, especially as my kids were at primary school at the time.

having a close gap is every reason possible to have a nanny and if you can afford it - crack on without the guilt.

Your dc will really benefit from the extra pair of hands

Wouldn't be for me but I certainly wouldn't give my opinion out loud to you...I'm all for live and let live!

I hate the judgment that comes with all aspects of parenting!

Of course they’re jealous. I’m jealous 😂😂 I have 2 kids and almost no time for myself because me and my DH work opposite hours to save on childcare. If I could afford it I’d do what you’re doing. Plus it’s not like you’re never going back to work. Lots of people with 2 kids put their eldest in nursery when they have a second. So why is this different.

Back in the day when people lived closer to/with extended families, everyone would have helped with childcare. Nowadays how we live means we have to pay professionals to do it.

Can’t see any issue with it.

You aren't doing anything wrong- you are using your resources to benefit everyone. DChildren have a mum who isn't stressed and exhausted. You have time and space for your own wellbeing. Your Nanny has the kind of job most Nannies dream of and can keep it for the longer term. There is continuity in the caring relationships so the DC don't have to lose one Nanny then get used to another in a few months. To be able to get quality time with each child because Nanny is doing some of the routine tasks is a lovely way to build happy relationships before you start back at work, and the settled arrangement will help you get back into the swing of work when your Mat Leave comes to an end.
To have a Nanny whom you and your children love having around is the ideal. You would be mad to let her go.
Of course most mums don't have this opportunity. IME the judging or jealousy usually rear their heads when someone's good fortune creates an unfavourable contrast, showing up what's possible rather than allowing everyone to pretend the whole world is in the same boat.

oh I had 3 under 3 and I didn’t need a nanny

I had 3 under 2 and didn’t need a nanny, but my god I would’ve had as many nanny’s as I could afford!!!!

if mums happy, everyone’s happy!! It’s nice you kept her on because what would be the alternative? Letting her go for 6 months.

Motherhood often seems to be such a race to the bottom / no one has it as hard as me etc.

The worst one I ever heard was to a widow with 2 young children who were told, there are lots of single mothers and they all cope absolutely fine and she ‘knew how hard it was’ because her husband worked away once a month.

It’s utterly ridiculous.

I think it sounds like you’ve got a brilliant set up and a good Nanny is worth their weight in gold so hang on to her and ignore the obviously very jealous people! Do what works for you and your family.

Surely this is the norm - it's what I did and most of my friends. The alternate is to give notice to your nanny and then have to recruit/train up a new nanny when you go back to work ?I had - and still have 15 years later - a great relationship with our nanny and no way would I have given her notice. I took about 5 months leave with her there.

How very odd of these people to be making what sound like negative comments about a subject that appears to be nothing to do with them ?

I hope that you and your family have a very happy time and i wish you all the best when you go back to work - which is likely to be much easier with a nanny who is secure in her role and knows the children and you well.

I think this is really common, you obviously don’t want to lose the nanny if you’re happy! It’s the same with nursery spots - they’re so hard to find that you cling on to them for dear life! Def try not to feel judged, I think it’s either awe or envy, and possibly them trying to reassure themselves they are happy with their own choices!

What are dads for then?

Theres no difference between requiring help during the day and requiring help at night. Some people are lucky enough to have family to help, others are lucky enough to be able to buy it.

God that is truly grim and shocking. That is literally what a mum is for. Why on earth would you have babies if you can't even be bothered to tend to them yourself at night?

Ugh, that response is 'grim and shocking'. You've evidently no idea what some babies are like at night! I never had a 'night nanny' but I can remember the sheer bloody grinding exhaustion well enough to understand why some women would dearly love to have one!

Oh and have found that. Really need to proof read!!!!

Sorry - lots of typos.

So (not Do)
are (not hate)

Do you have a 6 month old and an 18 month old. That’s a lot of manage. At 18 months a lot of babies hate very mobile, but not very verbal. I imagine an extra pair of hands is a godsend. You are also giving your nanny employment in what sounds like a lovely setting. Finding a nanny who is a good fit for your family and wants to stay for many years can be really hard. If you have slime that, you have a nanny with holding onto, even when in maternity leave. Win win.

Ignore them. It's your life and you live it as you see fit.

I'm a single parent and I've had it all over the years. How they know what it's like because their DH works away. That the little bit extra I used to get on top of child benefit must make a huge difference. How they would do things differently if they were me. How they managed with 3 DC (forgetting that they had a husband and cleaner). How they managed during the war.

Their attitude shows how undervalued childcare workers are. If you had a really brilliant PA at work nobody would think the PA should be let go while you were on maternity leave.

It’s quite normal if you have a nanny for child 1 and are then on mat leave for child 2. No one in their right mind would remove their elder children from nursery while on mat leave with a younger one! They’re jealous & judgy. Just ignore.

God that is truly grim and shocking. That is literally what a mum is for. Why on earth would you have babies if you can't even be bothered to tend to them yourself at night? I can understand needing help day to day with practical stuff, but outsourcing actual mothering, just no!

I kept my eldest in nursery 3 days a week while I was on mat leave with my youngest 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s the same really.

It’s about money isn’t it? You can afford it and most people can’t. And if you tell people facts that make it obvious you are much wealthier than them they can show their jealousy with their reactions.

Maybe use some of your free time to prepare your return to work by studying for better qualifications that would be useful in the future.

Surely most people if they could afford it would like to have this kind of help? You read and hear countless women at breaking point managing everything.

Sometimes motherhood is a weird race to the bottom. "Oh your baby ONLY wakes 5x a night you're so lucky! My baby wakes every 10 mins."