SAHM + Nanny

I think it sounds like a fabulous arrangement! Also, if you have managed to find a nanny that you and your children are both comfortable with then it’s a massive win-win! It’s nobody else’s business what you do and if you can afford it and you are still managing to spend enough time with your children then I would say crack on and ignore people. They are probably jealous!

If you can afford it, it’s your life - you’re entitled to do what you want. But it really makes me sad as I’m physically disabled and a single parent. My son has severe autism and I have to continue struggling each day because I cannot afford to pay for a cleaner, nanny, any type of help at all. I physically am in agonising pain and just have to ‘get on with it’ myself. Whilst people with money can have their life made very easy despite fully being capable of doing it themselves. And I know there are so many people in my situation too. Just sad that money makes everything easier for people.

Get used to this feeling OP- it's the hallmark of motherhood! The more years I'm into parenting, the more I realize that it's a massive exercise in knowing your own limits, whatever they may be. Think there is this bizarre attitude where if things are the hardest they can possibly be, then you're not trying hard enough/a good enough mother/ don't love your kids. It's really hard to shake that, I hadn't realized how much I'd taken on that message throughout life.
I was genuinely shocked when I had my own kids that actually I needed time for myself to be able to function. I had terribly PND and exercise and fun with friends helped get me out of it.
You don't need to feel guilty for anything, but lots of mothers do. The best thing you can do for your kids is to know your limits, know what keeps you well and happy

I would have loved this setup- good for you for organising and enjoy the me time too. 100 percent the judgemental views are coming from a place of envy…..ignore and make some new friends.

Lucky you - enjoy!
I wish I could have had a nanny whilst on maternity leave. Please don’t feel guilty at all.
plus you’re giving someone a job - its win win!

They are jealous. I’d have killed for a nanny whilst on mat leave! Used to fantasise about it all the time! 😂

do whatever’s best for your family and ignore all other opinions!

I work two days per week when my DD (2.5yo) is in the nursery and my son in school. On other 4 days I have a housekeeper/nanny to do all the jobs I don’t want to do so I can spend time with my DD - play dates, activities or 1:1. She also looks after my DD when I need my hair or nails done, do my work out. It makes our lives so much easier and we’re so lucky we can afford it. Why wouldn’t I use help if I can? All my friends think it’s great I can do it. My mum was a bit judgmental at the start but she’s ok with that now. I’m not hurting anyone, my children get a happier mummy, I play with them after school instead of doing housework, etc. You don’t get a Nobel prize for “doing it all by yourself”. F@ck the jealous haters!

Having an extra pair of hands is great and I certainly would have appreciated the help. But I think it really depends how much time the children are being looked after by the nanny whilst you do your own thing. Those mothers you met sound very hands on, they're probably a bit jealous but also a bit confused/shocked if you're regularly leaving the kids with the nanny while you're not working.

Good for you!

You're not stressed or tired. You have your own life. You're contributing to job creation by employing a nanny. You have company to keep away loneliness and depression. You have expert trained help for when you don't knownwhat to do.

It's like having your mum stay for your mat leave.

And the royals and aristocracy do it.

Motherhood isn't supposed.to be doing it all and being exhausted. It's not a competition.

Well done, you. Ignore the judges and rock on.

Only in the UK do people have problems with other families who pay for help with childcare.
I remember even my nanny judging me as I let her bring her child to work and she was telling me she couldn’t do any other job that would take her away from her child.
in an ideal world, we would be living in a communal type scenario where everybody sort of helped everybody else, in the real world you have to create your own ‘village’ that usually involves spending money on outsourcing stuff including childcare.
you will always be a parent to your kid even if you have paid help so ignore the jealous people.

It's very common to have a nanny on mat leave or as a sahm around here (affluent part of N London). I'm a sahm and I am often in the minority at baby/toddler classes, as most of the other adults there are nannies.

I had a larger age gap and had my eldest in pt nursery from age 2.5 - that worked out perfectly for me as I got to do all the baby classes and have one to one time with my youngest that I had with my older child. So I can see the value of having childcare for an older child when you have a younger baby. I loved doing classes and activities with both my dcs and I would have been sad not to be able to do them with my younger one.

Financially we could afford a nanny but I wouldn't have liked it - I'm a very private person and wouldn't like to have someone so intimately involved with our family and being in our family home. But I can certainly see the advantages of having one - my youngest has just started pt nursery but she was with me 24/7 until then. I've had to put off non-urgent appointments and put my hobbies on hold, and haven't had a late night out with my DH since my dcs were born. But for me that was a conscious choice, knowing that I will have plenty of time for myself once both dcs are in ft school because I won't be returning to work in the school years.

I am SO jealous! Would absolutely have done that if I could afford to.

I think you’re very lucky to be able to afford it and get regular time to yourself so they are envious. It doesn’t mean what you are doing is wrong. I think it’s sensible as you don’t want to lose her for when you go back to work. Depending on the age of your baby and how much time you are at the gym etc it might seem like you are outsourcing or not spending enough time with the baby. For example if nanny has both kids 4 hours a day everyday and your baby is a month old I’d say you are risking bonding with your baby and not being a present main caregiver.

They are jealous.

I think it’s fine .
You are going back to work at some point soon and want to have the little ones already settled with someone they know and to have some consistency.
My situation was different .
I had 3 small children and I wasn’t going back to work ( not for a long time )
I had no help at all ( not even granny or an auntie to take over / help out on occasion .
I did struggle and wished I could have had some help to have a little bit of time to myself but I couldn’t afford it

I'll own up to it. I'm jealous! If I could have afforded a nanny when they were young, in fact, even now, I wouldn't hesitate.
The fuller your cup is, the more you have to put into your family x

Plus as well, quite often a grandparent would give the support nanny is giving. Nobody would bat an eyelid at that...

Do what is right for you. Stand Ur ground.. absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. I'm happy for u. U and Ur kids and nanny all will be happy. Brilliant.

If you can afford it then 🤷🏽‍♀️.

I don't think there's many parents of 2x small children who'd not like an extra pair of hands to help with the kids.

It's nothing to do with anyone else. It's not like you're palming off the kids to someone else all day, every day. If anything, that extra person probably helps to take some of the stress out of things to help you be a better parent.

If I could afford it, I absolutely would.

Ignore them. It’s not a competition - stupid people! Remember a relative saying to me ‘oh you’re a proper family now’ when I finally had a second baby after a long gap because of miscarriages. It stung. Nowadays I’d tell her to sling her hook!

Ignore them. It’s jealousy. If I could have afforded a nanny during my maternity leave I would have loved it - I was so sleep deprived and lonely. Sometimes motherhood is seen as a race to the bottom, like we’re surviving a war: “I had two hours of sleep last night ho ho ho! I’m losing my hair due to stress and I’ve got black circles but #mumlife!” No! Expect more!