To think that her saying she’s a single parent…

YABU - I would think single parenting 6 days is incredibly difficult. When my DH works away it is none stop as there is no one else to pick up the chores or share bathtimes, bedtimes, make pack lunches, pack bags and so on. With only one parent you can’t just nip to the shop or have a shower in peace. It sounds like your parents are being helpful and I don’t think your sister is taking advantage. I presume they would do the same if it was the other way round.

I bet she wouldn't be out for a day with her bestie if she had a newborn. Your time for that will come sooner or later, if you want it to. It's just not where you are right now.

Once they get older and more interesting you might even find you want to spend both weekend days with your kids, and feel sorry for her that she doesn't get to. It's tough when babies are tiny but you have a lot of good times ahead, and that would still be the case even if your parents never gave you a day's childcare again. It's just one foot in front of the other for now.

Agree with this and also the loneliness in the evenings.

Single parenting, especially if you didn't plan things that way is brutal and exhausting. I bet your sister would walk over hot coals for a husband to share daily life with and to have the option of giving up or cutting down on work. That said, you're clearly feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment so give yourself some grace. Hopefully things will look better once the newborn phase has passed.

You just sound ridiculously jealous of your sister.

My husband does so many unplanned dashes to the shop throughout the week for top ups - mainly as I've forgotten something as I was shopping with my toddler. Your sister would t have this back up. DH also does half the night wake ups and bed/bath time routines. When I need a moment to gather myself (eg mid tantrum) he takes over and vice versa. Just some examples of how we split the load.

YABU. I often think it would be so, so hard to do this on my own. It's hard enough with two of us.

Have your parents refused to help you at all or just said they can't help you on Saturday mornings because they already have your niece? I don't think it would be unreasonable to ask them to help you for a few hours a week on days when they don't have your niece as, apart from anything else, they won't have the same close relationship with your children as your sisters and that would be a shame.
You say you are a SAHP, have you always been or have you chosen to give up work after having your second child? If that's the case your parents might feel that you no longer need their help. I think you really need to reconsider if being a SAHP is the right choice for you as you don't sound like you enjoy it and you might be happier going back to work and putting your kids in nursery so that you can have lunch in peace/ get nails done in your lunch break like your sister does.
I do sympathise with you as my mum always prioritised looking after my brothers kids over mine but she didn't refuse to help at all - I would have been very hurt if she had.

I voted that YABU but then i thought back to all the help my parents gave me when I was a single parent to my eldest. It was much harder when I had DS2 and DD and didn’t have my parents helping. Yes they were more help than my ex partner. I had nights out and days out shopping if I wanted. But I had little money and no-one to share the difficult and happy moments in the same way. You’d get a lot more time to yourself if you split with your DH, but is it really worth it for a morning shopping and a sunday to yourself? Of course not

I'm struggling to see how you're the unfortunate one here.

Just tell your DH that you need a day "off" and so he's in charge of the kids next Saturday. Yes, they might not get individual attention but he and they will cope.

I’ve been in both situations and being a single parent is harder in my opinion. When you have a partner you have someone to share with. I think you shouldn’t expect responsibility to fall to your parents and book a babysitter. Try not to compare your lives.

Wait what?

Your sister has a full time job and takes care of her child 5 days a week entirely on her own.

You don't work, have a husband, chose to have 2 kids and now complain your don't have time for yourself?

You have 2 options - find a job and hire a nanny/sitter to help and give you time for yourself or involve your husband more so you have more time for yourself.

Of course, you can also have a talk with your parents or your in laws if they are in the picture. However, your parents are not obliged to help you. It's entirely their choice.

Your sister is definitely busier than you though and needs more support.

'single parent card'?

Them's the breaks. You have a husband who presumably can help you find some childfree time to do whatever it is you need to do? If he won't help manage that for you then you're probably better off on your own.

And as is oft said on this site. It's not a race to the bottom. You have things your sister doesn't. Be grateful for that. Stop being jealous she gets a few hours to do her shopping in peace or a Sunday free. The rest of her life is full on and even her sister, who should love and care for her and want the best for her, can do nothing but bitch.

op, you sound very jealous of your sister. you and your dh had 2 kids by choice, so your dh can have both kids to give you a break. get a job and stop comparing your life to your sisters. comparison is the thief of joy.

Im guessing your sister never chose to be a single mum, whereas you chose to have another child now have the audacity to get jealous of your sister because she has free time. Her free time is at the expense of largely providing wraparound care, she does not have free time she has down time and from the sounds of it she needs it.

she is prioritising her mental load. Does her life admin and beauty on her lunch break (not actually a break if filled doing things), and has a babysitter. You can choose to do the same. Instead you get petty.

prioritise what you need rather than getting jealous of someone who frankly sounds incredible juggling everything as she does while not getting dragged into squabbles with her adult sister

That’s just life when you have a newborn, though? You can choose to get a job if you want and put them in childcare when they’re a bit older.

Doing the whole evening, dinner, bath, bedtime 6 nights a week, doing all night-time wake-ups, doing every single early morning and not having anyone else to lean on the vast majority of the time sounds pretty tough to me. That's 6 evenings a week where she's getting followed to the toilet and round the kitchen whilst she cooks, having to wait until DD is asleep just to have a shower. Having to do 100% of the housework on her own. I don't think you can compare parenting in a couple with parenting solo.

You are in the hardest part of having 2, OP. This will pass and it will get easier. Parenting will level out and it won't feel so relentless.

It is season and you'll get there.
But it's unusual for parents to have 'time to themselves' if I do have time to myself. My DH has the kids.

If we go out together, it is rare and planned and booked.

You make it sound like her having Sundays to herself is a luxury, but she does 90% of the rest of the parenting herself.
Yes, your parents have the child 14/15 hours per week, but she is working during that time! Or doing household jobs.

You chose that though. You. No one else. You chose to have another child.

YANBU to have a vent when you have two young kids but I think take your sister out of the picture and your parents, theyre helping her as she's working as well as looking after the baby. 3 hrs on a Sat plus one day is amazing of them but not excessive. The babysitter is presumably paid (you can do the same) and Sun is the child's father (you have that every day).

You have a partner and chose to have two. You need to arrange your respective time with and without kids better and supplement that with childcare if needed or consider a return to work after mat leave.

I get that it's all a lot at the minute but I thInk you're focussing on the wrong person here.

If I'm honest, I'm not sure it's the right time for reciprocal childcare. You seem a bit forensic about who's had what and it might get petty rather than bring you closer. Perhaps work towards a more relaxed view about this first.

Get a job and leave your husband, problem solved!

Why not? Ask him to do a full day with both kids. My husband wouldn’t have hesitated.

You can't force your parents not to provide your sister childcare. Could they not take one of yours or both at the same time? Would they agree to take on more childcare for yours?
It's true being single is harder than having an extra person on hand permanently who's responsible 50/50.
Would your parents contribute financially to a few paid childcare hours? You could ask that it be classed as Xmas/birthday gifts to you?
Otherwise I don't think begrudging your sister what your parents are doing for her kids is that helpful.

You have a husband.

your sister has a mum.

you’ve both got people to help

its not your sisters fault it’s up to your parents and husband to help.

Gosh I think that people are being unduly harsh on the OP.

She has a young baby and another child aged 3 and it does take time to adjust to those restrictions on time.

This time will pass and things will get easier.
As the kids get older you will meet friends with kids of similar age and socialise together or in each others houses. Also you can share babysitting.

Are you getting out to baby and toddler groups etc

For the time being perhaps speak to your DH and perhaps agree time for yourself to go to the gym or have a swim.

@fryEyes Good on you OP to be mature enough to realise you were not being reasonable here. Stop comparing with your sister and you will be so much happier for it. DH can absolutely deal with both of your children while you do something for yourself during the week-end. Maybe an outing with dear sis😉🙂💕