To think that her saying she’s a single parent…

So you're saying you forget something because you were shopping with a toddler ?
Dsis is not shopping with a toddler remember!

SAHM also have no one to look after their DC when they go to the toilet, btw.

Op, I get what you're trying to say.
I wouldn't wish being a single parent on anyone. I think it is hard on you and hard on the kids. No one to do life with, speak about the kids with, trying to figure out a new stage in discipline with.

However I also feel that they have more time for themselves. And people can bugger off with dh has to do more.
I still cannot spend quality time with my dh when he has the kids?
I just think that things like life admin, watching a movie, meeting a friend is easier since you just do it on your children days. A sahm parents has to do all of that WITH the kids. Or then leave the kids with her husband who also then doesn't have a break? I really don't understand how people just say that kids should go to dh on weekends and evenings and then the mum can have free time. That's also not fair on my husband.He has to work a full day only to come back home and have zero seconds to put his feet up, because his wife is just checking the kids at him?

Anyway obviously your parents do not owe you childcare, we all get that, but it would be nice if they were to give you some assistance as well. Can you maybe rephrase it a bit to your mum.
Hi mum, I'm really overwhelmed with baby and life ATM and me and dh hasn't had two seconds to just look each other in the eye.
Luckily sis is having the whole Sunday to herself.
Or parents could have both older grandchildren.

Jeeze.

I've never been a single parent, so have no skin in this game. But you are being ridiculously unreasonable. Your resentment is through the roof, yet you're fortunate enough to be a SAHM, so you're not having to balance work and a child, never mind having to manage that balance without a partner as backup and support.

If you had to swap lives with your sister for a month, I reckon you'd be singing a very different tune.

We had no family within a couple of hours, so I have no sympathy with your whinging because your parents don't free you up.

You have so much that you should be grateful for, yet you're steaming with resentment. Just stop that, and appreciate your partner.

I’m sorry you’re struggling and feeling overwhelmed OP, truly. It will get easier.

However, I am a little bit fed up with people who choose to have a children and then expect other people to pitch in on a regular basis. (I mean you, OP). And for all the “it takes a village” merchants, the “village” unwitting, unpaid grandparents should be consulted first, and any help they are able to volunteer should be appreciated, not expected.

With the best intentions, OP, your life is very different from hers as a single parent: that said, she is very fortunate to have your parents to lean on for respite. Perhaps she is wanting to meet someone else and can’t do this u less she has a spare evening to do this.
I sympathise, but being a single parent is completely different to having a DP/ DH that works a lot …

Fair enough.

But you wouldn’t be unreasonable to complain that’s it’s difficult. The theory of something is regularly different to the reality

You poor thing. I'm glad you've realised you're being unreasonable. It's awful when resentment kicks in because it's only you that it affects.

Going from one to two is especially difficult in my experience because your eldest is used to exclusive attention and you've always been able to give your full attention to parenting one child. Suddenly you've double the parenting and the same amount of time. It's an adjustment. But your second will be used to sharing from day one, and your eldest will learn to share. You'll learn to be able to meet both their needs as best you can- without always meeting their wants.

Then what you're complaining about is down to you having 2 kids and her 1. That was your choice and you should have planned for it.

Can his parents help?

I disagree there. If I took a 9-5 admin job I would be unreasonable to complain that I had to spent 35 hours of my week doing administrative work. I would be reasonable to complain if I was expected to spend 50 hours a week lifting heavy boxes and cleaning toilets.

YABU. You have no idea honestly.

So 141 hours bar tea time on a Tuesday either with her child or at work with no break. I wouldn’t be hasty to call it ‘the single parent card’. Yes you have needs etc but your positions aren’t comparable

You don't sound like a very nice sister at all. What if you became a single parent, you would ask for support. It's hard doing it alone. I have 4 kids and a husband who couldn't help much because of his job (teacher) and I worked and managed to bring the children up fine with no help. Raise your game OP

You & DH can have alone time when DC are in bed. Have a date night you don't have to go out. You could cook or get a takeaway. Are DH parents around to help?

Well yes that is unreasonable, you could say that about most things that people complain about/struggle with

They don’t, they have children and realise how bloody hard it is.

It takes a village and all that

Sign your 3 year old up for nursery and pop your newborn on the list for when they are 9 months and use the government free childcare hours to fund those hours. Even if it’s just one day a week you will then have a day to yourself to clean/shop/self care ect
Just because you are a SAHP doesn’t mean you aren’t entitled to a few hours to yourself.
Although this isn’t an immediate fix it is something that will help on the future.

Also remember, when your kids start school and you get the days free your sister will continue working full time as she has to be the breadwinner for her and her child. You are privileged enough to be able to live on one salary and you have your DH to spend your evenings with, to talk to….your sister doesn’t have anyone. The grass may look greener in this particular moment but ultimately I’d prefer to be in your position than hers.

Why can't DH sort both out?

I think it is reasonable to expect that grandparents try to spend equal time with both sets of grandchildren, provided they all live nearby. A lot of women split up with their partners for petty reasons, or choose obviously poor men to have children with. I don't see why OP and her children should be punished for what could very well be her sister's poor choices.

Could you ask your parents if they could sometimes look after both girls at the same time? It would be good for the girls to be together since they are cousins!

Well that's you and millions of others. I had 3 under 2 and a half (single then twins) DH at work every day and no family around to pitch in so that was my life until they started school. Weekends we split things - he'd have dcs while i did a trolley dash etc 'Quality' time/down time was rare. But you just have to get on with it. Having another adult in the house gives you options your sister doesn't have, perhaps be glad of that.

I'm probably being totally unreasonable to make this comment on this thread, but as a childless woman I don't understand why parents make these kinds of complaints. I'm not talking about parents of children who have special needs, or who have suffered unforeseen circumstances such as their relationship breaking down, serious illness or job loss, etc. But parents who have a spouse, a reasonable household income and children without additional needs - what did you expect when you chose to have children? You surely knew they would require round-the-clock care until a certain age, and that that would be emotionally and physically demanding, time-consuming and expensive. Sorry, but I don't get it.

HRTFT but you still have an extra pair of hands far more than she does and i presume she didn't plan to be a single parent. I think you're being very unreasonable and I've never been a single parent. I know my DSis had it far harder on a single wage and making every key decision with one DC than the 3 DC DH and I chose to have.

This. If you have not been a single parent, especially to a child this young, you really have no idea how hard it is.
It is for you and your husband to sort out giving each other “free time”. Your sister doesn’t have that option.

parents very rarely get alone time.

As for the things you say about your sister - i've heard similar things in the platground...

It really is mind bogling that there are people have these thoughts and vent them. I worry for future generations.