To think that her saying she’s a single parent…

I'm a lone parent, and I'm so burnt out that I've had to be signed off work. There's nothing physically going on with me, yes my parents help out, but I'm exhausted. Utterly exhausted. I have nobody to swap with when DS is having a meltdown. Nobody to give me a hug at the end of the night when he's finally in bed and I'm shattered. Nobody to make me a cup of tea. Nobody to have the kids so I can get some exercise. Nobody to help me cook/clean. Nobody to help with admin, take car for MOT, do shopping, laundry etc etc. You have no idea OP. Absolutely none.

I think Op isnt having a break as she has the new born. So whether the toddler is there or not it’s not a break.

Op said ‘In contrast, before we had dd1, my parents had her one day a week. Now we have dd2, I am not getting any break at all, parents won’t give up Saturday mornings so me and dh can have some time as sister is pulling the single parent card.’

You could be right and they no longer have dd1 but that wouldn’t make sense. Because op still wants a complete break. With her husband.

But I don’t really get it. She doesn’t want to leave the newborn and toddler with her husband to have a break. And says she will miss on quality time with dd1 if she does that.

But does want to leave the newborn and toddler with her parents, so still missing out on this quality time she is worried about.

It appears she wants her parents to help her sister less so she can have quality time WITH her dh regularly and for some reason it has to be the same time they help her sister. But op didn’t mind her break being during the week when her husband was at work before.

I think Op is struggling and maybe not happy being a sahm. But women, often, don’t want to admit that. Even to themselves. It’s easier to believe that everything is unfair and it’s other people’s fault for not doing enough or being in a different position.

When do the grandparents get a break? it was all your choices to have the children you have

My point is I can understand why she prefers to do the shop without her DC with her.

Your sister doesn't have a partner to have alone time with.

You've got a partner to share the EVERYDAY load with, she hasn't.

You can go to the theatre with a friend if your husband has the kids. You have a hugely privelidged life being a SAHP, most people don't have this as a financially viable option.

You also have 2 kids.

Most of your issues are related to this. Obviously you can't put one back, but in a few years, ask yourself if you'd still swap with your sister. I bet the answer will be no.

I’d understood from the OP that the parents weren’t having her elder DD at all regularly. If I’ve misread it and the parents are having OP’s elder DD for one day a week, I agree that’s a fair arrangement.

Op parents have one of her children a day a week. Even when she was a sahp with that one child. They are being fair.

Her other child is a newborn. Op did have a whole day a week free and decided to have another baby. Surely the parents were being more than fair on op. She had a husband and didn’t work and still got a whole day to herself.

I wonder if the ops dh got a weekly day to himself?

Why would the parents have ops child one day a week and then decide Saturday mornings need to be shared? When the other daughter works?

Why would the parents pay for childcare?

I think that parents should try to help their adult dc as equally as possible. So I have some sympathy with the OP. If I was her mum I'd alternate the Saturday mornings or if I had the money, offer to pay for some childcare for OP. It's hard never having any time just as a couple and having to tag team all activities.

Not all single parents are doing everything alone. Some have exes who are supportive in terms of mental load and finances and it's more of a coparent situation rather than single parent. If a parent has a whole day to themselves in a week because the kids are with the other parent then imo they can share the grandparent assistance with their sibling, who could do with some help too.

What some 2 parent families don’t understand is how single parents have to do it all.

The kids are the easy bit.

Your Dsis has to juggle work, housework, life admin, gardening, car maintenance, finances, shopping, social life etc and parenting on top.
And on top of that she has the mental load all to herself too.

Whereas all you have is the parenting and half of some of the other stuff.

You don’t even work, so you have 8 hours a day to do things like cooking and cleaning etc that your Dsis not has a couple of hours for each day.

Everything you and DH do, she does on her own.
It’s not less because she’s a single parent, it’s just as much but as she works she has a lot less time to do it.

My Dsis used to think my life as a single parent was somehow easier than her life as a 2 parent family.
She left her DH and kids (who she sees EOW now) and she’s struggling to cope because she says now she has to do it all (and that’s without the parenting aspect).

You can choose to leave your DH and get a job. But I’m guessing that you won’t because you know your life would be more difficult.

I also hope you don’t share these feelings with your DH.

I’d be pretty annoyed if I worked FT so my DH could stay at home everyday and then he’s moaning about how lucky people are to have a lunch break at work.
I’d actually be telling him to go find a job then.

But she hasn’t been told she isn’t a priority.
The have Ops older daughter one day a week and have for a while.

The parents wouldn’t give up having the sisters child on Saturday morning to have ops child. Or maybe both children.

But who would? Who would tell one of their children, who is a working single parent, they could no longer help out because her sister and her husband want a break on a Saturday morning.

Why does ops break have to be Saturday morning?

Now we have dd2, I am not getting any break at all, parents won’t give up Saturday mornings so me and dh can have some time as sister is pulling the single parent card.

Op can’t seem to leave her baby with her dh for a break. But if she leaves one child with her parents her and her dh still aren’t getting a break she wants. But if her dh can’t look after both, why can her parents? Then op also wants her parents to back out of a regular arrangement they have with the sister to facilitate it.

Refusing to cancel on the sister to give Op and her dh a break isn’t saying she isn’t a priority. They already have one child of ops once a week and she is a sahp. Despite being a sahp op got a break one day a week and then decided to have another baby.

we don’t have two incomes, I am a SAHP. My sister earns more than dh.

But you made that choice. Go back to work then? How lucky you are to have a choice of if you should go to work or be a SAHP. Your sister doesn’t have that choice. Why did you have a second baby with a man that clearly doesn’t pull his weight?

This is the most unreasonable AIBU I have ever read

You are crackers OP.

Then get a job! Honestly your attitude is ridiculously immature. Your DH takes the children in sat and off you go.

I’m a single parent and I agree with the majority of this. I parent very intensively for some of the time and then have some time off to recover when the DC are with their dad. I’m not saying it’s easier than having the kids around all time along with another adult, but it’s different.

OP is right in the absolute toughest patch of parenting and to be essentially told by her family that she’s not a priority is pretty hurtful. A bit of give and take would be nice.

OP I live 6 hours from our parents with a 23 month old and a 2 month old. We have never had help. Me and my husband split things and ensured from the start both of us could look after both on our own if the other had to go out. I'm BF so we started LO on a bottle from day 2 once a day so I could have freedom. Your sister hasn't got a partner to help with these things you do!

Imagine being jealous of a single parent. Lately there has been an influx of married women complaining how single mums ‘have it better’, when the reality is you know nothing about the hardships of being a single parent.

When do you think a single parent goes to the toilet when they are at home with their child? If you can’t mange to go all day. They aren’t going all evening?

I cannot believe you are trying compare single parent household to 2 person households where one is sahm and trying to pretend they are anywhere near as difficult.

It’s honestly daft. You can have a morning to yourself. You can have an evening to yourself. I am confused as to how you would have time alone with DH, if the baby can’t even be left with DH for you to go out.

Why don’t you become a single working parent? As pp said people seem to love to talk about all the benefits of being a single parent and try and pretend their situation is anywhere near similar. So do that!

I think this is a very selfish attitude. Your sister has to give her child to the dad for a full day on Sunday. She is fully responsible for her child at every other moment of the child's life. She makes all of the decisions on her own, she has nobody to run them by or help. If her child is sick, she's nobody to help take the burden off or switch out when she is exhausted. At least you have your husband to help.make decisions, help look after your kids, give you 20 mins to have a shower. Your sister needs more support by virtue of the fact she is a single parent.

I know its hard having young kids. I have 3. It can seem endless and exhausting. You and your husband have to switch out so each gets some time to themselves. You and your sister would do well to chat and support each other.

That's tough OP. I completely see where you're coming from.I'd be a bit peeved in this situation.

I'm not sure what you can do though.

You're very lucky you have grandparents local and close at all.

Perhaps you just have to wait your turn. At some point things may change.

Having young kids is very hard, whatever the set up.

Stop competing for the same day/time. Your parents already have an arrangement with your dsis for that day so drop it.

Maybe they will be willing to help you for the same amount of time on another day . What about other family members or can you get a babysitter?

Did OP say her parents never babysit? Or is it just that she wants to take the Saturday slot?

Needing a morning every now and then and relying on GP isn't "wanting help all the time". Also, not so long ago, children were raised as part of the whole family or community. The nuclear families we have today, specially with both parents working, is relatively new and extremely hard, for single parents and for couples.
Finding something hard and needing help with it doesn't mean we're not happy with our choices or fit for them, it just means we're humans.

You seem to be one of these people who is lasered in on what’s fair/unfair: it’s going to bring you a lot of unhappiness if you keep it up. You and your DH just need to focus on your own little unit. Time to yourself/time together isn’t really the norm for many people at the stage you are at but it doesn’t last forever.

Any chance they could babysit your sister's DD and your DC1 at the same time some Saturday mornings? Maybe not every week, but sometimes?