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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that her saying she’s a single parent…

256 replies

fryEyes · 17/11/2024 13:12

Doesn’t mean she has less free time?!

Maybe I’m being wildly unfair. My sister has one dd, 2.5. I have one dd 3, and a newborn. I know this is likely hormonal as usually I couldn’t care less about other people’s arrangements.

my sister has her dd all week and Saturday. It’s hard as she does the nursery runs and there for all illness etc around her work. However, her dd is with our parents for 3 hours on a Saturday morning so she can shop, and almost every Saturday night has a babysitter, then Sunday her dd is with her dad. My parents also have her dd on a Tuesday.

In contrast, before we had dd1, my parents had her one day a week. Now we have dd2, I am not getting any break at all, parents won’t give up Saturday mornings so me and dh can have some time as sister is pulling the single parent card.

i DO get she is on her own in the week but surely two full days of childcare (her dd stays with our parents for dinner on Tuesdays too), then also every Saturday night out and all day Sunday to herself is very different to most parents in general, whether single or not?!

I could really do with the extra time on a Saturday morning and think dsis could either take her dd with her shopping or go to the shops on a Tuesday evening if she wanted to do it in peace? I don’t remember ever having so much free time even with one dd!! Am I being unfair or should she compromise?

OP posts:
Nerdles · 17/11/2024 13:27

What a lot of people don’t realise is that single motherhood is not hard just because of the physical aspects, it’s also about the mental load. And in lots of ways that is harder.

Wednesdaysdrag · 17/11/2024 13:26

fryEyes · 17/11/2024 13:25

@Wednesdaysdrag yes apart from the fact when dh is at work I don’t have a lunch break in peace like my sister. She has got endless things done in her lunch breaks like hair or nails or dentist etc. Unfortunately you can’t do that when home with two kids

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No, you do it on an evening or a Saturday morning. While your dh has the kids.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/11/2024 13:26

I would agree that being a single parent is much better than having a useless husband.

NoCarbsForMe · 17/11/2024 13:26

You sound very immature

Wednesdaysdrag · 17/11/2024 13:26

fryEyes · 17/11/2024 13:23

@Nerdles he does. He does all dinners and bedtimes after work but if he takes them both at a weekend then it means ds1 misses quality time as baby obviously has a lot of needs

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So you issue is that you chose to be a sahm. Chose to have 2 kids and are jealous she gets a day off a week while her child is with the other parent.

You can’t see that being a working single parent to one child who sees the other parents one whole day a week, is probably harder than one sahp and one working parent being there all the time.

Hercisback1 · 17/11/2024 13:25

"misses quality time"
What rubbish. You're on a road to nowhere with notions like that. No one has to do childcare because a 3yo needs quality time.

Be thankful for how privelidged you are. You made the choice to be a SAHP, you have a supportive partner, a stable life and 2 kids.

DeliciousApples · 17/11/2024 13:25

PrincessAnne4Eva · 17/11/2024 13:22

Another way to break this impasse is offer to do reciprocal childcare with your DSis. So she has your children and her child for a few hours in exchange for you having hers and yours for a few hours. Could that work at all?

Edited

That's exactly what I was about to post. It would benefit you both.

Original poster
fryEyes · 17/11/2024 13:25

Wednesdaysdrag · 17/11/2024 13:23

No but you have 2 of you all week.

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@Wednesdaysdrag yes apart from the fact when dh is at work I don’t have a lunch break in peace like my sister. She has got endless things done in her lunch breaks like hair or nails or dentist etc. Unfortunately you can’t do that when home with two kids

OP posts:
Nerdles · 17/11/2024 13:24

fryEyes · 17/11/2024 13:23

@Nerdles he does. He does all dinners and bedtimes after work but if he takes them both at a weekend then it means ds1 misses quality time as baby obviously has a lot of needs

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But that’s your choice. It doesn’t always have to be about quality time. It sometimes needs to be about giving you a break.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/11/2024 13:24

It sounds like you didn’t think having a second child would change anything.

vodkaredbullgirl · 17/11/2024 13:24

Jealousy is not a good look.

Meadowfinch · 17/11/2024 13:24

So she works all week, does all nursery runs, uses up her annual leave doing all sickness etc.

She gets Saturday morning to do the food shop and anything else she needs to buy, and sometimes has a babysitter on Saturday evening.

She gets Sunday to herself while her child is with her ex. That is her only down time.

So when does she get the boiler serviced, see a dentist, doctor, get her car serviced, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, get her hair cut? Never mind have a coffee with a friend.

The thing about single parenthood is there is no-one one to tag-team with ever. You can ask your partner to watch the DCs while you go for a quick run or have your smear done. She can't

So kindly, Yabu. If you want some extra adult time, just book a babysitter. You have two incomes!

Original poster
fryEyes · 17/11/2024 13:23

Nerdles · 17/11/2024 13:21

Why isn’t your husband giving you a break?
You need to focus on him rather than your ds

Edited

@Nerdles he does. He does all dinners and bedtimes after work but if he takes them both at a weekend then it means ds1 misses quality time as baby obviously has a lot of needs

OP posts:
Wednesdaysdrag · 17/11/2024 13:23

fryEyes · 17/11/2024 13:22

@BabyMama945 he does! But I am never getting a full day like my sister does on Sundays as we have two children so it’s not as easy. He does sometimes take them both but then ds1 misses out a bit on quality time

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No but you have 2 of you all week.

PrincessAnne4Eva · 17/11/2024 13:22

Another way to break this impasse is offer to do reciprocal childcare with your DSis. So she has your children and her child for a few hours in exchange for you having hers and yours for a few hours. Could that work at all?

teatoast8 · 17/11/2024 13:22

Yabu

Hercisback1 · 17/11/2024 13:22

You've chosen to be a SAHP.

No one owes you childcare.

Why can't your husband have 2 kids at once?

Original poster
fryEyes · 17/11/2024 13:22

BabyMama945 · 17/11/2024 13:21

You have a DH to give you that time.

@BabyMama945 he does! But I am never getting a full day like my sister does on Sundays as we have two children so it’s not as easy. He does sometimes take them both but then ds1 misses out a bit on quality time

OP posts:
Nevermind16 · 17/11/2024 13:22

I’m on your sisters side here, sorry OP.

I’m not taking away from any mother but being a single mother is fecking hard work.

Arlanymor · 17/11/2024 13:21

Why is this turning into a competition? Your parents aren't endless resources and they can choose how and when to help out their daughters. Your comparing isn't fair - if they let you down that's one thing, but you need to talk to them about it, rather than making it an issue because you think your sister is getting 'more' than you. I'm sorry, but it sounds very petty to me.

Nerdles · 17/11/2024 13:21

Why isn’t your husband giving you a break?
You need to focus on him rather than your ds

Original poster
fryEyes · 17/11/2024 13:21

PrincessAnne4Eva · 17/11/2024 13:19

Whether she's a single parent or not, or what free time she has isn't really relevant. She's got a longstanding childcare arrangement with your parents (who are not obliged to look after either of your children) and you want that exact same time for some reason instead of any of the other 165 hours of the week. YABU, sorry. If you want time "off" at the same time as your DH get a babysitter like your DSis does if she wants extra time. You're making this a competition when it isn't.

@PrincessAnne4Eva yeah I can see that. Unfortunately my parents can do Saturday afternoons due to a hobby.

OP posts:
BabyMama945 · 17/11/2024 13:21

You have a DH to give you that time.

Original poster
fryEyes · 17/11/2024 13:20

DaisyChain505 · 17/11/2024 13:18

You mention nowhere in here where your partner pulls his weight.

why can’t your partner have your daughter on a Saturday morning?

your sister is literally doing everything in life by herself on one wage.

you have someone who should be helping you with 50% of everything in life and you’re also on two wages.

YABU

Edited

@DaisyChain505 dh does help but what I mean is if he has dd1, I still need help with the baby.

the wage situation is inaccurate as I am a SAHP and sister is on a higher salary than my dh.

OP posts:
Anotherworrier · 17/11/2024 13:19

Are you serious?