To think that her saying she’s a single parent…

Sending hugs, OP. I really wish posters would read your updates before commenting!

I remember those early days, especially with my second. I promise it gets better, easier in some aspects and more challenging in others areas but I certainly have more time now. Those newborn cuddles are not the same with a toddler climbing all over you and spending a majority of your day with baby in a sling so you can play with your eldest. Yes it’s a choice but a beautiful choice. Most of the time you’ll know how lucky you are but sometimes you’ll have days like today where you may be feeling isolated and confused. You have your vent my luv.

Oh and don’t divorce your husband, OP 😉. I find it funny that posters are calling you childish whilst offering such immature advice. I’ve been to new mum groups and have heard so many stories like yours, from single Mums and those with partners. We listened, made another mum a cup of tea and gave a cuddle at the end. The internet is different so don’t take these comments to heart ❤️

Bless you, I remember those days and it’s not easy x
But kindly, comparison is the theif of joy.
I have one sister with one daughter.
She and her partner out earn us by a fair amount, they have 2 cars (I’m driving a 17 year old wreck)and a lovely camper van. They can buy whatever they want whenever they want. We struggle month to month.
I’m thrilled for her because her daughters dad (husband) was an abusive arsehole who made her miserable. Her partner is a prince among men who adores her.

She has one daughter who causes her absolutely no trouble whatsoever. I have 2 sons who have caused me no end of trouble, wonderful lads but both have severe ADHD and struggled in school and getting into trouble just generally doing dickish things. I was regularly woken in the early hours to go and pick a drunk DS1 up from wherever he was stranded!
My niece is no trouble because she’s autistic, has social anxiety and is selective mute, She rarely leaves her bedroom. She’s likely to never work, never have a relationship or live independently.
It’s a constant worry for my sister how she’ll manage after she’s gone.

The pain in the arse DS1 is now 25, working full time and living with his fabulous fiancé.
Sorry, very longwinded way of saying things aren’t always as they seem. My sister looks to have the perfect life but she’s struggled to get there and the future of my niece is unknown.
My struggles have been obvious but life is year on year getting easier for us.
Your little ones won’t be little forever, things will get easier x

Yabu, being a single parent is much harder. Taking DC shopping with you is harder, you could leave DC with your partner and do the same. Yanbu to want downtime with your DH but yabu to expect your parents to prioritise this over supporting your Dsis. You've made lifestyle choices, if they're not working for you, change them and/or pay for childcare. You sound petulant and in any case, what your parents and dsis do is up to them surely.

Sorry op, I think you are getting an unfair hard time on here. Sounds like your sister is the 'golden child'

I think when you have children, you have to assume that they are your responsibility, no one else’s. Equally, you shouldn’t be looking at other people and comparing how much time off they have. It sounds as though you don’t want your children. Comparing your life to other people’s is just not right, I’m sure she has her own struggles being a single parent. If you didn’t want to look after your children, you shouldn’t have had them.

If I were you, and I was struggling and needed my parents support - and if they had space - I would stay with my parents for abit - perhaps you need something more post birth? But I did find that staying with my mum was useful. My partner was great and did the cooking etc, but we also haven’t had alone time properly (unless parents are babysitting for a preplanned event) - our baby is 6 months old. The newborn stage is brutal - so it probably is hormones and you probably want more help than you are letting on.

Don’t blame your sister - she has her arrangement. Make your own with your family but also accept that it may be a while before you and DH get alone time. If you want to nap - give the baby to your DH. Have a rest.

Arr you close to your sister? Have a chat with her and maybe share the load.

If you don’t want to be a SAHM - make plans for what you want to do when your baby is abit older. But try to enjoy this stage instead of comparing yourself to your sister.

I can understand where you are coming from. It’s easy to look at other people’s situations and compare, especially a sister, and she seems to be having more time to herself. Perhaps some of that is also because she only has 1 child, not 2, perhaps the offers of help might be less for her too if there was a baby in the mix?

Regardless, it could be worth a conversation with your parents. There are maybe different ways to approach it. 1. Could be to highlight about your children not having as much time with them, and approaching it from that point of view rather than which daughter needs more help. And perhaps setting up a regular time ie Sunday afternoon and your sister has to collect her child by then - or would they have all three to play together?
2.Perhaps they need to be reminded that you need help too. It’s understandable they are particularly supportive to your single sister and trying to fill that void in her life / help her meet other people etc. You could highlight that you have less sleep with two kids, and no adult time at work / or nursery break with the kids. Even when your 3 year old does go, you’ll still have your 1 year old. Yes you have an extra pair of adult hands but very little time alone now with your husband. Mention the regular day / time so you both can get caught up with housework etc, and also asking if they could help with overnight help every now and then so that you get quality time with your partner.

It depends on the type of people your parents are and if they could hold that boundary with your sister and highlight that time with your children is important to them too. Or if they are more likely to prefer to say they want to help both of you and must be seen to be doing things fairly - and that on reflection, it wasn’t fair to not help you when you asked for it. Hopefully with a bit of planning and discussion, there is time in the week that they can spend quality time with all their grandkids. It sounds like it is important to first talk about how you are feeling though, once calm X

Jealousy doesn't become you

Yet again this is a husband problem.

You have a husband. He can take children all weekend and let you have a break.

But also you don't want him to do that.

You have made different choices to your sister. You don't work. And you had two children.

Those choices have plus points but also negatives.

It's not your sister fault that you made different choices to her

This sums it up.

Is this for real? Seems completely bizarre to me to be jealous of a single mother? Don't understand why your husband can't look after both the children alone- presumably you do all day while he works, so I don't see why he can't give you a break, that's more of an issue than how much childcare your parents do for your sister.

Also, are your husband’s parents available to help out - or are there ‘issues’?

This sounds quite like you’re wanting to have your cake and eat it.

If your husband has your child why do you need help with the baby?

If your husband has them both you’re concerned your older child misses out on quality time - doing what?

You have a full time live-at-home partner to share good times and bad and who should also be sharing the physical and mental load - your sister has no one at home in that respect and is relying on your parents bc of that. But you think it’s unfair. You’re in completely different scenarios. Would you rather be in your sister’s situation?

Well you can get a job but are choosing not to for now.

And anyway, as a single parent, the mental load is all on her, no matter what he’s getting paid!

Sorry OP but you sound spoilt and entitled. Be kind and acknowledge that it’s hard to be a single parent, you have your DH, your DS has a bit of time from your parents and you can’t let her have that? Get over yourself and look after your own kids, you had them!

You chose to have two children.

you seem very jealous of your sister.

I do have to point out, that those lovely long lunchbreaks are in fact a chink of opportunity in your sisters day that she has to desperately do a million tasks while also grabbing a bite to eat. You also have those chinks of opportunity - naps, time when your dh takes over.

Also a general point for everyone that there are a huge proportion of single parents who don't share care with exes because someone has done a runner or, in my case, developed alzheimers at a very young age.

As a working single parent of two, one with high care needs, I say ah go on and have a vent, OP. Of course you're being unreasonable, but those early days of having a newborn and a toddler are desperate. I remember spending weekend afternoons in rainy playgrounds surrounded by dads, viscerally hating their wives who were getting a 'break'!

You're in the trenches, but it won't last forever.

Gosh, I feel sorry for your parents with both of their daughters putting on them.
I didn't have any help from mine. You have to work it out between you and your DH and any help parents offer is a bonus not a right.

If you are jealous of your sisters autonomy it's time to look at the aspects you want. It's not the lone parenting, it's the ability to have some free time. Book yourself some time off. Even a sahp is allowed this! Or look into working part time. It's work! You won't be able to get your hair done while doing it, but you can juggle the timings (as your sister does) to allocate some child free time.

You almost sound resentful of your sister. Parenting is bloody hard work. But being a single parent is next level tough. The mental load of it is all down to one parent. The decision making, and meeting the physical and emotional needs of the child. It's more often than not all down to Mum.

OP, it's a tricky stage with a toddler and a newborn. Your parents helped you out with your eldest and that is great. Not all new parents have that support. Now they are helping your sister. They don't "owe" you further help. Yes it might be nice if they could help you as well as dsis. And perhaps they will in the future as this is new set up.
You need to work this out with your DH - most new parents with multiple children get very little time to themselves- they are working, tag-teaming etc.
It won't be like this forever - the DC will be able to do the same activities giving one or both of you a break. The older DC will start nursery or school. If you are envious of your sister being able to fit in appointments in her lunch break I expect you are planning to return to work in 6-9 months so that you too can get your nails done and eat a sandwich before returning to your computer?
Don't pitch yourself against your sister and who has it easiest and who is getting most of your parents attention. That is not fair on your parents and it reflects very poorly on you.

Why do you need help with the baby?! Your sister has a child all to herself. If your dh takes 1 child and you have the other you have the exact same situation…
ive now got 3 children and have them on my own often, because I’m there mother and I have to manage. Even when the baby was a newborn!! I’m baffled by this thread and your responses to be honest.

I have a cousin who bangs on about how she was a single parent and how hard it was. No doubt it was a struggle at times, but she neglects to tell people she had an au pair and her childs fathers family had him every weekend. So, technically she was right but it was certainly misleading.

Hi OP,

Just read the thread and just wanted to say sorry you’re having a hard time and send some solidarity your way 💐

Remember: this is temporary.

Try to cherish those baby cuddles, although I know it’s hard to be in that mind frame when you’re tired and overwhelmed. I can only imagine how tough it is to divide your time when you have two. You’re doing an amazing job!

It gets better. You got this 💪🏻