To have one child

Of course they're valid. I remember your post about being unsure re having children

I am an adult only child and I feel quite alone in life and without a support network. People will come along and tell me my feelings aren't valid though.

seriously. What an unpleasant heartless post.
I cannot have a second child due to life limiting illness and associated infertility. But thanks for your feedback on my selfish inability to only have one child.

Like lots of parents with one child, you may not have a choice about having another.

Something parents of 2/3/4 kids conveniently forget when they bang on about lonely onlies and his ghastly it must be to have no siblings. Not everyone CAN have another child.

Honestly?

I think one child suits the parents.

Having siblings suits the kids.

I have three children and am so happy I do. They love each other, play with each other and are deeply important to each other. I think they'd be missing out not experiencing that.

My husband and I always said we were happy to be "one and done" he's an only child and I technically was as my dad was married before my mum and my siblings are a lot older than me and I have never lived with them. My birth experience and my severe post natal depression cemented that decision even more. I honestly couldn't go through it again. We are happy with our choice and happy to focus all of our attention on our one child and it also means we have the funds to fund anything she might want to pursue. My husband and I never once wished for a sibling and I never wished for mine to have been closer in age/ to have lived with me. I actually have never met siblings who liked each other before becoming adults 🤣. A lot of people I meet say "when's the next one" and don't believe me when I say never. It's getting to the point I actually just bite back with are you going to help me with the next one when I'm suicidal with pnd then? It soon shuts them up 🤣 husband is currently fighting with the GP to get a vasectomy as they're refusing because he only has one child. Why can't people be allowed to make their own decisions? Definitely see how you feel after your first (congrats) but don't ever feel pressured into having another just because other people think it's what you should do x

Evidence ?
My dh has done alot better than me. He's an only I have a not so nice sister.

Just have the baby and see how you feel then. Absolutely pointless giving it any thought now as you don't know how you'll find motherhood.

Before I became a mum I always thought I'd have 3 but have now concluded that 2 is the perfect number for us so that's what we stopped at.

There is zero way of predicting how you'll feel.

😂

Many single adult children feel miserable due to loneliness and a lack of family ties. Please consider this carefully when making your decision.

Yeah, having a younger sister rip my hair out in handfuls and try to scratch my face off certainly whiled away the hours.

I have one younger brother who I adore and I’ve managed to recreate the older girl/younger boy dynamic (obviously total fluke) with my children and was totally delighted that’s what I got.

I suspect if I’d been an only child I would have been perfectly happy having just the one.

I should think that people often look to recreate what they had as a child (as long as they were happy) and that you wouldn’t even be questioning it if you’d been a happy only.

I think one is absolutely fine. In some ways I feel a bit bad that we don’t have two houses to leave one to each child etc so having an only would have solved that 😆. I know it’s a silly way to think really but you know what I mean.

Don't agree it's easier with 1. Harder when they are younger but when they are older they will be able to entertain each other and you should have a bit more free time, unless you have a child who likes playing alone.

That's why she's asking only children for their experiences

It’s pointless asking parents - those with one kid will say their child loves it and enjoys all the attention and holidays but those with more than one will disagree.

You really need to ask only children what they think. A lot I’ve read on MN say they felt lonely or resented being left to deal with elderly parents on their own. Some say they loved it and never missed out because they had extended family and cousins etc.

I think you can’t possibly know until you make that decision and ask your child when they’re 30 if you made the right call or not…🤷🏻‍♀️

I am an only child. Hated it personally but some people love it.

Why should someone be prepared to have a sibling or not have a child at all?

Children don't need siblings.

I loved being an only child. I’m very introverted and benefit from a lot of time to myself, so I loved coming home from school and being able to relax in peace and quiet. I think it’s really a toss-up whether a child will like being an only child, because kids come with their own inborn personality traits and you don’t get to pick those.

I'm an only child and although I felt I missed out by not having a sibling as a child, I was always very close to my cousins instead and am very happy as an adult.

Looking back it's clear I felt like I was missing out on a play mate, I didn't miss the shitty bits of having siblings I saw other children having to put up with like not having 1 on 1 time with parents and having to share everything and not being able to do things because they clashes with siblings things.

Other only children I know are also very happy adults. It could be argued that only children have ended up better off as adults because we've had more help with things like learning to drive, buying a car, buying houses and then childcare for our children through not having to share our parents limited resources. Adults I know with siblings have had a kot less help with these things and struggled to get going in life as much as they have had to finance everything with a lot less help and support. For that reason I am happy with my daughter being an only child, I want to give her all of my time and resources to give her the best life I can, not divide it up.

I also thinking having more than one child looks really stressful and single child families seem to have easier lives so I am out off having another one as I really enjoy life the way it is and don't want to spoil it. My heart is full with one and I don't yearn forore so it's a no brainer.

Obviously if you have the same logical mindset as me but you yearn for another child then it's a battle between head and heart but that doesn't sound the case for you so I wouldnt worry about it.

I actually find it more selfish when parents have multiple kids that mean their existing children have worse quality of life and less of their parents time, love and attention.

My parents had my sister so that I “wouldn’t be lonely”.

we’ve hated each other pretty much since she was born.

DD is an only.

Contrary to common opinion, I’ve found being an only just gets better with age (and I’ve had to deal with parental illness and death, so have extensive experience of the hard things too.) Just in case that puts you off - it’s not always the case people find it harder as they get older.

I know very few people who have good relationships with their siblings - as kids too, most people 'hated' their brothers and sisters. Because of that I was very grateful to be an only child. And now I'm an adult, I don't feel I'm missing anything. Maybe the stress of your siblings being arseholes like most threads on here would suggest. My DHs sister is also a fucking nightmare.

Ridiculous. It's just as 'selfish and vacuous' to have any other number of kids including none.

Sibs don't always get on, you know.

Onlies can benefit from more time with parents. My dd (now 25) is a very happy and well balanced young woman with lots of good friends.