To have one child

Your lifestyle will be upside down regardless of how many children you have, but it does get easier. It does still feel "full on" at times just having one child sometimes. There's still frequent illnesses, times when she's dysregulated and needs lots of input from us, times when she's overtired and angry, and our lives do (as they should) revolve around her. Its still a child-centric life despite just having one child. All that being said, me and her Dad can both work part time as there's less financial burden with having one. If we had another we'd have to move to a bigger house, so its nice to just be within our means and enjoy a less intense pace of life. DP and I both have time to do hobbies now she is 5 and is more able to entertain herself more independently.

DD benefits from having lots of time with each of us. She is a very sociable child (as are we as adults) so we have lots of visitors / people over at the weekends etc, but its nice that when they leave the house is peaceful and we can all wind down. She loves going to school.

I very much understand the benefits of siblings and have a great relationship with my sister, but I've made peace with the fact that my job is not to replicate my childhood, rather to work with the situation I have and make the best of it. I want to give her a good life and that will be my focus. I'm alright with that now (though I wasn't initially).

Yep, terrible attitude 😔

I became suicidal after having my child and ended up in a psychiatric ward and took a long time to recover from having severe PND. No one could have seem this happening, there were no risk factors. Are you honestly suggesting my health and wellbeing don't matter and that I risk this again to give my child a sibling they may not even get on with. That I should risk potentially becoming so unwell I leave my child without a mother all because I come second? Attitudes like yours are appalling, a complete lack of empathy and total unawareness there's far worse things in life than being an only child. I'd rather my child had a mentally well mother thank you.

There's always going to be various answers on this. Some people like their siblings, some don't. Some like being only children and some don't. You have to do what is best for you. And I agree that you have to do what is best for you and there's nothing selfish at stopping at one. No one knows what parenting is going to be like until they have a child. Some people struggle more than they thought, some people have traumatic births and some people have terrible mental health after a child. Its completely OK and beneficial to say you want to stop at one.

And parents don't come second to children. No child is going to thrive or have a happy childhood if they have parents that are unhappy, overstretched and mentally unwell if that is what will happen if you have a second child. I can appreciate some only child had lonely childhoods but I get tired reading on here the absolute black and white views that some only children have on siblings in thinking that it would have enriched their lives and stopped them feeling lonely and parents should put aside their own health and wellbeing to provide them with a sibling.

There's absolutely no guarantees that all siblings get on, or they'll stop you feeling lonely or they'd provide you with support. Lots of people like myself have no contact with their siblings and have far more support from friends. There's a million things worse than being an only child and it's a shame that those on here can't seem to accept that siblings are not the be all and end of all of everything.

Very sensible decision given the current financial climate, climate change etc.
When I age I hope my only dd won't have to look after me and will be living her best life. I'll get a carer.

I wouldn't have just the one on purpose. Being an only was and is shit. No one else to understand/share the problems of your parents with, boring holidays... I would imagine though if you have other close family eg cousins for your child it would lessen the impact considerably.

I wasn't that bothered about having kids and had one because dh really wanted to be a father.
The second my first was born I couldn't wait to do it all over again. We're now in the situation where he's having a vasectomy and I'd be happy to have more if finances and my age allowed.
Having zero kids, one kids or loads of kids is all fine but I'm not sure that its possible to predict how you'll feel because it's such a hormone driven experience. On paper if we were to weigh up the pros and cons in a purely rational way I don't think even one would even look like a good idea!

I’m not an only child but as a mother who had an only child for 5 years before having 2 more in quick succession, an only child is by far easier. I don’t regret my kids at all, but on a day to day level it is undeniably easier only in multiple ways.

I personally have 5 half siblings, I’m not particularly close with any of them. I love them, I’d never want to see them hurt or anything like that, I only wish them well. But again, on a day-to-day basis we’re not close. Siblings don’t guarantee friends as children or adults. My kids all love each other, but I can’t guarantee they’ll grow up wanting to be close. My middle son I actually think would have preferred to be an only child if I’m being honest with myself.

Don’t make any decisions before you’ve even had kids. Take it as it comes and see how you feel. There’s no right or wrong answer, just what suits your family’s situation.

I think people look at the ideals of both.
So they imagine that only children have a great childhood, getting lots of attention, having a wonderful life being taken to exotic places and being given everything they want.
People also imagine those with lots of siblings had a wonderful childhood, never lonely, always someone there for them, their siblings sharing the burden of aged parents etc.
In reality the truth often lies somewhere in between for both.

I agree here, I've spent a LOT of time playing board games, card games, barbies, lego, dress up, craft, etc.. with my child as she grew up. My niece and nephew won't play together so I've spent a lot of time playing games / toys with my niece or nephew also!!

I have one child because it suits me to have one. I am too old for more now. My DD is 13 (14 in 2 months) and loves being an only, actively says she does not want a sibling. We spend a lot of time with her neice and nephew and they bicker constantly. My DD doesn't want that. I love and am very close with my sister but my daughter's childhood hasn't been spoiled by being an only child. We spent lots of time playing together when she was little, even now we are close. I have been able to provide her a lot of opportunities she wouldn't have got if we'd had two. This has really worked out well as she has SEN and needs a lot of additional money / time spent on her. However I didn't know this when I decided to only have 1.

Have as many kids as you want. It won't make your child automatically happy to have a sibling but it also won't make them automatically unhappy to be an only.

Totally up to you
See how you feel
Why must you decide now?

I think it's better to have a sibling than not. But it's also not the end of the world if you don't.

Agree with this. It comes down to parenting. I grew up in an era when parents left us to our own devices, didn’t help us foster friendships and couldn’t be bothered committing to hobbies for us. I have distinct memories of my parents playing a board game with my sibling and me, it’s a distinct memory because it was an extremely rare event. Happened maybe twice. And there was a six year gap between my sibling and me so I wasn’t exactly spoiled for company when I was, say, 8 and they were 14. We led different lives as kids.
DH and I parent very, very differently.

Nearly died having ours, DH watched me nearly die which traumatised him, DD also nearly died, so we stopped at one BUT I’m not sure we’d have had another even if it had been smooth sailing!
DD is 9 now, her best friend is another only and they spend at least one day each weekend with each other. We actively encourage this and almost never say no to playdates, trips out with others etc.
It’s interesting that as she’s got older the ‘onlies’ seem to have found each other at school and hang out together - common experience perhaps?

Aye you tell yourself that. It's the same ignorant spiel always trotted out on threads about only children.

Your lifestyle will completely change after the baby is born. Just think about it in a couple of years. I think it is difficult to know how you will feel.

If, in a couple of years, you only want one, you should just have one. Nobody should be having babies they don't want.

Having a sibling certainly didn't suit me. We made each other and our parents miserable until the days we moved out due to our inability to get on at all. I spent my childhood wishing to be an only child, and my teenage years suicidal because I was so miserable living in such a tense house where no one was happy. I don't have a single happy memory with my sibling.

That’s the extreme scenario, of course. But I know plenty of people with siblings who don’t feel they benefitted from them in any way, and won’t in future when caring for elderly parents.

The only only children I know who resent being onlies didn't have very good parents. They had parents who didn't make the effort to spend more time with them one to one. Who couldn't be bothered to encourage hobbies or take them to places they wanted. Who didn't make that extra effort to help their social life and facilitate play dates or family/friend relationships etc. I doubt they'd really have had a much happier life with a sibling, to be honest.

The vast majority of only children I know basically say “yeah, I’m very happy I got all my parents’ attention, nearly always had the time and money to try out hobbies I wanted, we could afford to do some amazing things and I got to balance socialising and alone time as I chose”. And financially they appreciate having had twice the advantages so far (driving lessons, uni expenses, house deposits) and will be secure in future due to inheritance.

I was an only child,born 1950, I constantly nagged my late parents for a sibling. DM went to her GP,was told to be grateful for the one. I absolutely hated it. There wasn't money,fancy holidays,cars, financial help. I was cloistered, not allowed out,to have a bicycle. They were terrified something would happen to me. I was shy, introverted, uncomfortable. I loved my parents,my mum was my best friend,we were very open, talking about sex etc which was extremely unusual in those days. It hit me very hard when my lovely mum died when I was in my 30s, it took years to get over. I swore as a teenager, I would have 6. I managed 4 with 2 MC.

I think being an only now would be much easier, parents are generally more involved with kids and there are leas big families and one child is way more common, particularly in london so you wouldn’t stand out as much. Great if they happen to have cousins of a similar age and you go out of your way to see them and build bond.

Research suggests that beginning a pregnancy within six months of a live birth is associated with an increased risk of:

In addition, recent research suggests that closely spaced pregnancies might be associated with an increased risk of autism in second-born children. The risk is highest for pregnancies spaced less than 12 months apart.Closely spaced pregnancies might not give a mother enough time to recover from pregnancy before moving on to the next. For example, pregnancy and breastfeeding can deplete your stores of nutrients, particularly folate. If you become pregnant before replacing those stores, it could affect your health or your baby's health. Inflammation of the genital tract that develops during pregnancy and doesn't completely heal before the next pregnancy could also play a role.

I wouldn't manage it regardless of the breastfeeding..it has taken me years to conceive. I give birth next year when I am practically 33..how am I supposed to have another kid before 35. Am I supposed to be more fertile at the grand old age of 33 compared to 22 when I wasn't even using artificial contraception but never got pregnant. The baby would be born on my 10th wedding anniversary.

This in a nutshell. There is no right or wrong.

I am an only child and it's fine. 2 of my closest friends are also only children and also fine.

The important thing is to have another only if YOU want to. Not just for the sake of it to give your child a sibling.

I do find a lot of only children who dislike it to be a bit dramatic about the whole thing. "All alone in the world after my parents die" as if a sibling is the only meaningful relationship you can have in life. If you have genuinely have nobody in your life other than parents maybe that's your fault for not forging other relationships.

Each to their own. We have one and have no expectations to be a burden when aged to our since we have planned for our retirement fund, a number of assets to be passed down, also a fund account for his uni or first house deposit. We could afford to have more than one but choose not to. Do whatever best, there is no need to excuse on whatever your choice in kids etc. No one will take care of your kid for you so who cares! And likewise if your friends or other people have more than one, it’s their choice!