The lamb steaks …

I feel your pain OP. Even the best of men (my DH included, most of the time) see the woman as default kitchen person. My own DH will help me by doing whatever I ask him to do and can't understand why that's so annoying. I agree with other replies, tell him it's cheese on toast for dinner. Yum yum yum 🥰

My DH would probably say lamb steaks/chops too as it's his 'last supper' meal - along with mashed potato and peas! 🤣

But, although he might ask the meal question, he'd be in no doubt he'd be cooking it!
It's just the thinking ahead/planning he's not very good at.
He's more of a "what's for tea" at 5pm type planner than a "what shall I get out of the freezer to defrost the night before/1st thing person".

I've tried to train him, especially now he's retired but it's a long, slow process. There are many other bits of retraining to do too!

And this is where women who martyr themselves for years do not really have my sympathy in situations like this. I get your irritation op, I really do. But it’s a situation of your own making.

100% this ^^

'I don't want to offload onto him because he does more housework than me'.

So share the housework and meal planning 🤷‍♂️

Can you swap responsibility for meals with something he does? Laundry?

I’m sure my DH of 30 years would love ‘proper’ roast dinners but he knows apart from the odd family day I can’t be arsed cooking them. He’s totally independently minded and would never expect that of me. When one of our household cook for others we are all very grateful - it never gets taken for granted or assumed it’s women's work.

And this is where women who martyr themselves for years do not really have my sympathy in situations like this. I get your irritation op, I really do. But it’s a situation of your own making.

I feel you in the expectation of a meal, I didn't make it to 50 years married before snapping.

I would love for someone to make me dinner!

Women's work innit.

Seriously I agree OP. It's irritating.

10;30am is early to be thinking about dinner. Are you sure he didn't see you relaxing and decide to sabotage that?

Exactly this. Tell him what you told us. You are sick fed up with cooking and from now on, he can have whatever you fancy eating, or cook himself.

Get him some cookery books for Christmas?

Agree with Pp.. the correct response is : that sounds lovely thanks

I'm assuming you're both retired. Maybe suggest you take it in turns to cook and prepare meals. If he tries to off load 'what shall we eat tonight', just reply 'I will love anything you prepare, surprise me'.

Yep. This!

I'm a woman and I want a "proper meal", thanks! Love my dinners!

BUT - I plan, shop for and cook them. DH can suggest and helps with prep but I basically eat what I want. Your dh should try it!

Must be generational. My father in his 70s has to have a proper dinner every day. He doesn't cook - his idea of cooking is heating something in the oven (ready meal or frozen fish and chips)... My husband (and I) will have rice pudding for dinner if the mood takes us or a toasted sandwich or beans on toast. Most of the time we cook from scratch and share 50:50 (plus whoever isn't cooking assists).

So he asked what you thought and instead of telling him what you wanted you asked him what he wanted. Why not just tell him what you want.

If this has been your dynamic forever then rage quitting today might be a bit overkill. But next time he says something like that respond with 'I don't want to spend all afternoon meal prepping, ill probably have soup or something'.
'What do you think' leaves it open to him making menu requests.
And when you've had more coffee and a kot of deep breaths have a conversation that now you are '(presumably) both retired and don't have kids at home you want to change the set up and split household choose more equally. One thing if you were a SAHM and he was main wage earner but no need to continue that now. Many years past time for a change!

He’s a brilliant bloke in many many ways

Name some of them? Do any of them involve organising or cooking meals?

Surely this also means you have to go and shop, unless you have lamb steaks in already - which at least would make him mentioning them more reasonable. Can you send him to the shops to get them, if that's what he wants?

Also agree that a perfectly good response to his 'what are your thoughts' would have been 'something simple like soup or a boiled egg'

If I was on my own I’d probably have soup or a boiled egg .. but each day there has to be a “ proper “ meal for “ the man “. You know , meat / veg / gravy etc.!! What is it with men and a “ proper meal “?

So why don't you have soup or eggs?

You're not obliged to cook your DHs choice of meals.

Make what you fancy and feel like cooking. If you're being very kind you could say, 'I'm having soup, would you like some too'. If he says no, he can make his own food or go without.

Exactly as others have said. Sounds great, what are you doing to go with it?

im in my 60s and I know times have changed and roles within relationships become ingrained over the years, but it doesn’t hurt to raise awareness, even if you don’t plan on making an issue out of it.

Haha, I absolutely feel your rage! I do most of the cooking because I genuinely enjoy doing it, but sometimes I have to remind everyone that it's not a restaurant.
If DH said "lamb steaks?" my response would be "yeah make that if you want, sounds nice"

Just say “sounds lovely, what time will it be ready so I can plan my afternoon?”

then make clear that he’s responsible for producing whatever meal he has in his head involving tbd lamb steaks.

oh and if he says anything like he doesn’t know how to cook them, it’s better when you do it. Then that’s the time to tell him you don’t fancy prepping and cooking today so you’ll be making cheese on toast and tomato soup.

its never to late to change behaviours