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Ignorant sister.

87 replies

bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 09:56

To sum it up I bend myself backwards to support my sister. She's currently living in temporary accommodation with my nephew and niece after loosing her rental, a nice temporary accommodation she's got her own little lodge, I've emotionally and physically supported her every step of the way, I feed her children, give her money, wash and dry her clothes, anything she needs I'm there, but she's also quite selfish, if you can't do something her attitude changes. Regardless we see and speak daily as our children go to the same school, but on Friday after school pick up for the entire weekend she falls of the end of the earth, I call and she ignores, I message no response, not a message to say she's a little busy nothing at all until the next Monday at school drop off, and I'm beginning to get a little frustrated with it and feel like she only initiates conversation with me when she needs something. She's well aware my life is quite isolating I have 2 neurodivergent children, no car I mostly just spent my time inside and I enjoy small conversations with people throughout the day to feel less alone, am I being unreasonable? I just constantly feel used and then dropped when I'm no longer needed.

OP posts:
DaniMontyRae · 17/11/2024 11:07

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You keep on saying she works full time but the OP says she works during school hours so that's very much part time hours.

SlightlyGoneOff · 17/11/2024 11:05

bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 10:38

My life consists of appointments and home visits for my children, my son (5) goes to school during the week, he is ASD/adhd but is handling things well currently, my daughter age 2 is level 3 ASD has 1 home visit a week and 1 group visits a week, hearing check ups and speech appointments, anyone with children with additional needs would know life at home can quickly become overwhelming I don't have time for friends. I suppose half of my problem is I feel so alone I crave adult interaction

But you’re not getting it from your sister who is clearly equally overwhelmed with her own stuff and doesn’t have the inclination or capacity. If, understandably, you want friends, you’re going to have to look elsewhere. Take your emotional and time investment out of your sister and either revive existing friendships that matey have fallen by the wayside, or use it to find an activity you love and find nourishing that will expose you to potential friendships.

roastiepotato · 17/11/2024 11:03

If you see and speak to her daily perhaps she wants a break at the weekend as she feels you might not want to be so intermeshed

Snoopdoggydog123 · 17/11/2024 11:01

bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 10:31

@Anotherworrier a simple message to say I'm busy or can't talk right now only takes 2 seconds.. of it be the other way around and I had gone silent or if she wanted something from me I'd have 100 missed call and texts, she'd call my partner.. it's the dignity of just letting me know that means the most to me

Well she's not doing that and you can't make her. So you need to adjust your expectations and your behaviour accordingly.

MissUltraViolet · 17/11/2024 10:58

She has lost her home, lives in temp accommodation, works in the week and has young children, perhaps she is stressed and needs that time just to switch off from everything and everyone, relax, spend time with the kids, catch up with the household etc - that is perfectly reasonable.

It's a problem in your eyes because you won't (not can't, because you easily can) say no to her in the week so when the weekend roles around and you want her and she is unavailable, you feel resentful and used.

The fix is really simple, you need to change the dynamics of your relationship with her, the parts of it you can control. You need to start saying no much more often, you need to stop being so available to her. She can get mardy all she likes, you need to find a middle ground that works for both of you if you want to continue having a healthy relationship with eachother.

Dishwashersaurous · 17/11/2024 10:58

I'm confused about what the problem is.

I'd assumed that you were worried about her, and now you've clarified that's no the case.

Is it that you are bored and want to see her? But she doesn't want to see you, or anyone?

jeaux90 · 17/11/2024 10:50

Ok look I'm a lone parent and it's bloody exhausting at times so just give her some space. Equally you need better boundaries with her.

It's fine to support each other but maybe a conversation about all of this is well over due.

If my sister called me constantly I'd be raging, and it sounds like something you do to each other all the time.

yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:48

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HoppingPavlova · 17/11/2024 10:46

???? What knowledge does your sister not possess that makes her ignorant? Sounds like she is just behaving like an arsehole, but that’s completely different to ignorant/ignorance.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 17/11/2024 10:45

How is she being ignorant?

Just take a step back and stop people pleasing.

Nanny0gg · 17/11/2024 10:44

ttcat37 · 17/11/2024 10:38

Sounds like you haven’t got any either, the amount of times you’ve replied on this thread

Why on earth did you need to say that?

The unnecessary spitefulness on here is something else!

yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:44

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Nanny0gg · 17/11/2024 10:44

bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 10:31

@Anotherworrier a simple message to say I'm busy or can't talk right now only takes 2 seconds.. of it be the other way around and I had gone silent or if she wanted something from me I'd have 100 missed call and texts, she'd call my partner.. it's the dignity of just letting me know that means the most to me

Where's your partner?

I think you relying on her for contact is unreasonable. Some people like a break from even just chatting at times - it is an interruption to what you're doing

Hallllllllie · 17/11/2024 10:43

Sorry OP but I'd find that a bit intense someone wanting to call me constantly. Its OK to not speak to someone for the weekend, people need their own time too.

Enterthedragonqueen · 17/11/2024 10:41

Block her number, she'll soon come over when she wants something. Minimise contact with her and get on with your life.

yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:41

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bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 10:38

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My life consists of appointments and home visits for my children, my son (5) goes to school during the week, he is ASD/adhd but is handling things well currently, my daughter age 2 is level 3 ASD has 1 home visit a week and 1 group visits a week, hearing check ups and speech appointments, anyone with children with additional needs would know life at home can quickly become overwhelming I don't have time for friends. I suppose half of my problem is I feel so alone I crave adult interaction

OP posts:
ttcat37 · 17/11/2024 10:38

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Sounds like you haven’t got any either, the amount of times you’ve replied on this thread

yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:37

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Nanny0gg · 17/11/2024 10:36

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She's talking about the weekend!!

What's work got to do with anything?

yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:34

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Anotherworrier · 17/11/2024 10:33

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Can’t wait until you ask her on Monday?

There relationship has no boundaries or healthy communication. Showing up uninvited when someone clearly doesn’t want to see you won’t improve that.

yoghurt05 · 17/11/2024 10:31

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bubblesxx · 17/11/2024 10:31

@Anotherworrier a simple message to say I'm busy or can't talk right now only takes 2 seconds.. of it be the other way around and I had gone silent or if she wanted something from me I'd have 100 missed call and texts, she'd call my partner.. it's the dignity of just letting me know that means the most to me

OP posts:
Irridescantshimmmer · 17/11/2024 10:30

Don't be a doormat.
That should force her to grow up and stop taking advantage of you.

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