... but how can I stop feeling like this?
Every time my partner has a night out, I cannot settle until he is home. I literally lay awake rigid with anxiety all night. This is really becoming an issue for me, as we have two young children and I end up being absolutely knackered (emotionally and physically) the next day.
It's not that I don't trust him, but I can't quite put my finger on what my anxiety is actually about. I just have this feeling of impending doom like something really bad is going to happen, and although I don't pester him all night, I am constantly checking to see if he has been online - when I see he has, I feel momentarily relieved as it's like proof he is OK. But then I go back to this horrendous anxiety and no matter what I do I cannot settle or sleep until he is home.
My partner is fantastic and it's not like the nights out are frequent, maybe monthly if that. He deserves to let his hair down and have a night off. He does have a tendency to get extremely drunk when he does go out, and will occasionally stay out until the early hours (sometimes almost the morning). I ask him to let me know when he thinks he will be home then update me if this changes. In general he does do this, but he almost never comes home when he initially says.
I wish I could just enjoy the space and have a restful night sleep - rational me knows he will more than likely be fine bar a sore head. But nothing I have tried (mediation, breathing) helps me relax and get to sleep. I have had therapy in the past and potentially this is triggered by me losing close family members at a very young age and me having a deep fear of him dying, but surely everyone has a fear of something bad happening to their loved ones and are still OK with them being on a night out?
My partner is aware of my anxiety and like I said, is fairly good at letting me know if he is going to be late, but does get drunk and communication isn't always the best (but also I know I shouldn't expect him to check in with me constantly throughout the night). I try not to show I am anxious on the lead up but he has told me that he picks up on it and then its in the back of his head and he can't fully relax. We have good communication about it but I don't know what to do to make it better.
We are in our late 30s and have two small children, if this makes any difference.
I know this is very much a me problem but just wondering if anyone else has had similar and has some words of wisdom? It seems to be getting worse not better.