35 and want to be married before kids

You are correct in some cases (myself included)

However, many women, after they've had a child go part time and/or don't go on the mortgage or deeds, so all that great work of setting themselves up, falls by the wayside.

They are the ones where marriage protects.

The OPs DP already said he'd happily buy the home in his name only. Add in a child and no marriage, and voila! The disaster trifecta is complete.

I too would be very suspicious of the motives of a traditional man from a different culture that wants children without marriage.

I would take it he doesn't respect you and is 100% suiting himself and would prefer to marry within his culture.

I believe marriage can be hard enough without blending cultures, although some people I know have done it very successfully.

Please make sure you get married before you have a child. The amount of women I know who now have two of three children with their 'partner' and have been 'engaged' for donkeys years now is ridiculous. Everybody knows they're never getting married. To put it crudely, why would he buy the cow, if you've already given the milk away for free? Stand your ground OP.

Ok. I would never want to raise a child by myself though if I can help it. OP doesnt seem like she wants to either. I would rather have none.

And as someone from a traditional culture where no children are ever born outside wedlock, believe me when I say that a man from such a culture who doesnt want marriage is a walking red flag. He may even get married later to someone of his own culture.

I'm a bit fed up by the whole narrative on this thread that women are helpless and poor without a husband or ex husband.

OP is a teacher with a house deposit already saved. She has a good stable job. If they had a child out of wedlock and he walked away she would not be homeless and penniless! She has money for her own home, a good salary and would get child maintenance.

It's not as simple as unmarried = bad / married = good.

18 months after meeting my now-husband we were engaged with a newborn baby. I didn't care about marriage before a baby because I didn't need a man to protect me financially. I already owned a home, had a higher salary and was overall in a better financial situation than him.

She wants to havr kids. She doesnt want them without marriage. Which is very sensible
Any man from a traditional culture who wont marry the prospective mother of his child is deeply suspicious.

YANBU.
I also would not have children with someone whose actions don't match his words regarding important issues... 😬

If she doesn't want children/isn't sure then she needs to tell her DP. He can then move on to another woman who wants children as much as he does. I only read the OP so I assumed OP wanted children but also wanted to be married. She's not at an age where she can wait another year or so before getting engaged and then another year or two to get married. By that point she might not be able to have children.

So basically, if she really wants children then she should prioritise that. If she isn't bothered then she needs to tell her DP so he can move on. They've only been together for a year so getting married would be rushed.

Better to not have a child that she isn't sure she even wants, than having a child with some twat that won't marry her but wants to use her as a baby oven.

So presumably then if you disagree with my statement, you do believe that having babies is the only way to live a happy fulfilling life?

You should comment that on the fertility boards. I know women who left it too late and never ended up conceiving and are devastated. If you're ambivalent about having children then you shouldn't have children.

I thought OP wanted a baby and would be sad if she never had children? If she's not bothered then she fair enough. DP and I have been happily together for years and we're nearly a decade younger than OP. I'm not keen on marriage but we both wanted a child. Having a career and being a mum were my dreams.

Absolutely this times a million!! Having babies isn't the only way to live a happy fulfilling life.

Good advice from your mum.

Stick to your guns, OP. Regardless of what his cousin did, this is your life. Tell him that you will not have a baby outside of marriage. End of. You don’t need to elaborate; thus only gives him the opportunity to shoot down your reasons. Tell him you are baby ready, and the only thing holding you both back is his lack of commitment toward marriage. How soon you have a baby is down to him, and when the marriage date is set.

Then she doesn't conceive. Kids aren't a necessity or an entitlement.

If considering settling for the wrong man in order to have them, your priorities would be all wrong. Children deserve families with healthy relationship dynamics. Not weak parents who settle for partners who they don't love and aren't loved by.

I think that your right about getting married before having a child. You and your future child or children are entitled to the legal protection that a marriage gives. Also if anything was to happen to either of you with a young family you have far better legal and tax protection being married. When you have a baby your hope they will be healthy but this may not be the case. Having a child with special needs may mean that you need to work less hours or give up work and this means that you are far more financially dependent on him.

I think that some men get to a certain age and they see that friends and family members are in couples and having kid's. They don't have the lads to go out with at night and at weekends.
So they want what they have. They like the idea of a baby but in many cases they have had very little experience of babies and small children. They can promise their baby mother they will get married but this month might never happen.

One of my friends was involved with a man and she knew he wanted to have a child. He was blowing hot and cold on her. He then cheated on her. His new girlfriend was pregnant within the year. I am sure the fact he had a house and a job had nothing to do with this.
He sold this house and bought a bigger house in a cheaper area.

Now a number of years later my friend found out the following via someone they both know.
The house he bought is just in his name. Along with this he has left this house to the child in the event of his death. Any savings and his pension are going into a trust for the child as well if was to die. She will have to ask for money from this and state the reason why she needs this. He has no intention of marrying his baby mother.
He was made redundant and is now a career for his child as they have some special needs. He is getting benefits for this. Meanwhile his girlfriend who he lives with is working full time.

My friend was very upset when he cheated on her but she says now that was glad not to end up with him.

In your situation I would be very honest with him and tell him that you won't be trying for a baby until you get married. I would be very cautious about buying a house and putting a lot of your money into this until you get proper legal advice re protecting this money and working out the percentage of the house you will own.

I would not be using my savings or parents money to prop up the house buying potential of a man who is not willing to marry you. Nor would I get pregnant with him either.

That was a deal breaker for me too. DH wanted the same things as me. If you have different goals and values in life, that's a bit of a red flag.

Stick to your guns. Marriage before kids.

True, some couples have children without marrying and some couples marry before having children. A proportion of those couples will split up. The difference then for those two groups is the married woman will generally be entitled to roughly half the couple's assets to enable her to provide a home for herself and the children, while the unmarried woman could end up homeless and penniless with her children if she does not have her name on the house or money in her own bank accounts.

It's a simple matter of safeguarding for mothers and children. Marriage is the simplest and most effective way of doing this. If he is sooo committed to you why won't he marry you?

I would feel the same as you. YANBU. Stay firm

^ this.
You sound like you have your own wellbeing at heart which is so bloody refreshing to see !

OP just a heads-up as you say you are a teacher so will get good maternity pay, this is definitely not always the case and can vary from LA to LA, academy trust to academy trust. Many teachers nowadays just get the minimum statutory pay so ensure that you check what you personally are entitled to and are aware of your financial position.

So what? She says she is willing to risk it. She can be perfectly happy child free. Its her fiance who is baby mad.

What if OP waits and waits and then never conceives?