To be miffed with sisterly Christmas presents

I’m not saying it will be easy - but nothing will change unless you make an effort to change it.

I have to say I wouldn’t necessarily associate a MC with negative feelings about Christmas, so your sisters maybe just don’t get it. I’m sure if you tell them how you’re feeling they’ll want to make more of an effort for you.

Why can’t you use your voice?

Tell the sister the gift she wants is over budget.

Ask the one with the rubbish advent calendar reject what you’re doing for gifts this year as you don’t want a repeat of last year.

Re the post about them not wanting to come to yours for champagne - are your sisters younger than you and closer in age to each other?

If you’re upset about the MC and finding Christmas things hard TELL YOUR SISTERS! I’m sure if they knew they’d make more of an effort for you. You really need to start speaking up instead of collating a list of grievances and hurts that no one else knows about.

Exactly this.
Weird dynamic going on here...

she said no, she’s already got me something. Uh oh.

so you reply "no"

I buy for my father brother and sister and I often don’t get anything. I just decided to give what I am happy giving and expect nothing back. I have reduced the amount I spend quite considerably though so now it’s just a token.

I don’t agree with other posts as Christmas gifts are for adults too as are birthday gifts. Go for a meal too if you like but don’t remove the gifts it’s nice to wake up and there’s something under the tree for you.

I had a very bad year last year with lack of gifts from all siblings and my parents. I’m still very sad about it, it’s linked to other complicated family stuff.

So this year I’ve done a large bag for myself and my family to go under the tree xmas eve, it’s gifts for all of us to share so stuff like books, jigsaws so I know I have something this time to look forward to. And yes sounds silly I know and still not the same as a gift say from my dad or my sister but its to make up for all the years when I didn’t get a proper present.

Just agree to a budget say £20 per birthday per xmas gift. And there’s no texting what you would like either. You can get some lovely thoughtful gifts at that price range, I pick things up all year.

btw as for your sister sending you a photo of what she wants that’s above budget just text back you’ve already bought her gift.

also sorry your sisters are suddenly behaving like this, my siblings can be difficult also.

So after reading everyone here advising you to just say no, you said yes?

I think you need to communicate with your sisters about expectations going forward, whether that's a budget (you say it's an unspoken rule but is that just your perception?), no gifts, suggestions or free choice of the gift giver.

Just tell them to forget Christmas presents this year between yourselves. Clearly it’s causing more stress than it’s worth. I never exchange gifts with my siblings except one brother who comes for Xmas lunch. This year we are doing one present per person if that. Opening Xmas presents is so tedious. Kids like presents but adults what is the point?

Actually the more I think about it, the more annoying the people going “Christmas is just for kids” is.

Maybe have a look around your own social / family circle. Are you expecting everyone to buy your kids stuff without any return? Sounds kind of grabby. How included are your childless friends or family? Maybe some uncomfortable truths here if you’ll let them in.

OP understand completely. It’s not about the material gift, it’s about feeling included. we also have another round of IVF before Christmas and I will keep my fingers crossed for us both (the infertility boards might be a good place for you to look/post too)

Yes exactly! Have people missed that she’s just had a MC? Christmas is quite often miserable enough for those of us unlucky enough not to fall pregnant easily.

OP I think it’s fair to be hurt by your sister giving you (essentially) a reject present. At the time I think you should have said something about that but the moment has probably now passed. But you should definitely say something about the more expensive gift - maybe she just didn’t realise how pricy it was?

If the item she wants is out of your budget offer to buy her a voucher to put towards it?

FFS why bother with all this nonsense?

There is absolutely no point or joy in texting each other with links saying 'buy me this'. That's not a gift, that's turning buying something you want into a pointless charade. Just buy your own stuff as and when you want it, and go out for lunch together.

Exchange genuine token gifts if you really insist on 'something to open' - a box of fudge or bottle of cava for example.

@Meanest

"Thanks so much for the replies everyone. I took the advice of kind of saying something. Just--yes sure! And saying I realised I could complete the set of the thing I asked for if she wanted to contribute"

I don't understand this update? What did you say to the sister when she asked you to
get her something?

Either way, you need to just say no.

They are not shy about saying no to you.

I'd be tempted to just say you're not doing presents this year so not to get you anything.

The whole thing sounds like it's got a bit silly and out of hand.

Next year, get ahead of things and say in early November:

"Hi both, this year to reduce unnecessary consumption I'm only buying for the kids so please don't feel the need to get me anything."

I think when you are having fertility issues little things can feel like a real kick in the teeth..Do your sisters have kids and do you spend a lot on presents for them?

I think it's time to stop gifting each others and change it to having a Christmas lunch together instead.

If mine had sent me a text like that which is out of the agreed budget .
I would send it back with a lol and a ' as if '