Hi Laura, in the nicest possible way, school’s opinion of you only matters in so far as it helps or hinders getting what your children need. I’m yet to meet a teacher or school admin who thinks poorly of someone trying to ensure their child receives an appropriate education, even when they disagree on how to get to it.
As a SEN parent I’ve been tearful, sad, angry, forthright, despairing and argumentative in the office of assorted Heads and others. I’m usually super sensitive to opinions of others but literally couldn’t have cared one jot on their opinion, only the outcome. You have to de-personalise it slightly.
You and they should be on the same side here. School may be concerned you didn’t update them sooner, just apologise and reiterate it’s been a very difficult time and you have been very unwell, on top of the difficulties of talking about the DV. They may have processes they need to follow/go through, be as helpful as you can in that.
You dealt with the council, you can deal with school.
Law and criminology not a waste of time for your daughter at all! Great foundation for lots of different career paths. As a PP said, watch out for ex’s behaviour to her. Hopefully she’s inherited your strength and determination.