Need a hand hold -Part 3

Big hugs to all the SEN kids and parents of SEN kids on here. It's crazy how the system really has no back up plan if the standard education model doesn't work for someone.

Dear lord your ex is a piece of work isn't he! The school sound a bit slack too, but ex is definitely the number one twat in this situation! On the upside, at least this is all costing your ex money (40 quid a day to your son wasn't it?!), and your son is making a mint out of it! Plus, more to the point, you're not letting ex see it's annoyed you, which is probably really pissing him off. Awesome!!

No perfume yet today - I totally forgot! I shall try harder tomorrow!🙂

As to my dangerous cutlery drawer - it's definitely something to be amused by! Going in there is well dangerous if you're not careful! My parents bought me a vegetable spiralizer, which should be illegal given how spiky it is! That's what puts me off sorting the rest of the drawer to be honest - I don't want to rile up the spiralizer and have it go after me! 😀

Hello@Imbluedalale Oh bless you Laura, your throat has been rumbling on for a while now, I'm another who thinks you might need to get something for it
I hope you have had a lovely, restful day just pottering and getting things as you want them
I'm glad that you finally got to talk to someone at the school.. remember, play the long game lovely

Whats the plan for the rest of the week?
It has been cold here today but lovely blue sky, my car doors were frozen shut this morning 😂 that was fun!

Hi to every else, my heart goes out to everyone battling to get the best for the DCs, provision for anyone who doesn't fit the norm just doesn't seem to be there anymore and it's so sad and frustrating😣

No wonder you are angry! I’m angry for you. You did so well, telling your son’s school the whole situation. Hopefully they can put in place your wishes and keep you informed.
Thank goodness you have got away from that chauvinistic, bastard of a husband! He should have no right’s his behaviour doesn’t deserve any.
Sorry you aren’t feel well, a sore throat is horrible, honey and lemon is good for a sore throat!
🥄🏠🌺😘

I’m ever so bossy aren’t I? It’s only because I’m old enough to be your mum (and I am a little bossy person, truth be told 😃😳😂). It comes from a place of caring xx

Ah Laura. Useful update. I don’t think you had told us that. I see what’s happened. He’s a stinker isn’t he.

Never mind, my love. You’ve tried your best and marked his card with the school.

Have you registered with a GP, so you can get your throat checked? Xx

You have to fight so hard! Obviously you’re doing an amazing job for him 💕

Just to clarify, by ‘education’ I meant learning itself, not the school system in any way! I think there are many, many far better forms for a lot of kids

One of the worst things this country has done in education is to shut so many of the schools for children with SEN.

Mainstream schools are brilliant for some children, fine for most and horrific for a few.

@TealPoet I too placed a high value on education until I realised it's designed to be easy to manage for teachers although I know it's not. It's not about the individual and one style of learning doesn't fit all. My son doesn't sit at a table or upright on anything so the school set up is torture. He makes noises to self soothe so traditional environments aren't suitable. They haven't got the system he needs. Play therapy was amazing but there's huge waiting lists. If he would engage I'd do anything but he won't respond to me as a teacher. Next step is home assessment with an educational psychologist so I will see what else they suggest. He should have been offered this over a year ago but the person who did initial assessment went off sick and he was forgotten. Same old story.

Ah, that's really hard. I get the home schooling being not an option just now. There's always something like Inter High or similar for high school so it's all online and you're not the one forcing it, if he was OK with taking that responsibility on. I know that's expensive though (relatively). Hope school can find a solution for you all. There's also unschooling (at home) - I've been on a few home ed FB groups for a few work related reasons and was always so interested to read about people who just totally followed the child's lead and allowed/helped them to research/investigate whatever interested them. It sounds like he really needs to just feel safe now though and that you're taking the right approach. Sending a hug!

Poor boy! Would online schooling and going to a library to do it work for him maybe? I’m a huge proponent of the importance of education but I think traditional schools are now failing many kids, often not through their own fault. I’m not sure the value of what he’d learn there is worth the stress to be honest. He’d probably do better just exploring his own interests at home…

@RaspberryBeretxx My son was in and out of school the past few years. Last year the teacher wasn't at all aware of ND and things went from bad to worse. He's been out pretty much all of this year with the odd few half days in school. He is like a totally different child out of school, a child I never got to know until this year. Much calmer and happier. Home schooling isn't an option because home is his safe place. He would tear up the homework books until I told school we wouldn't be doing work at home as it got too volatile. I do feel so stuck now as we've run out of options as he won't engage with any talk of school. While school have been supportive there has to be an end point where we've tried everything. If the system doesn't change then these kids won't thrive, I want to push that back on the authority. He won't be able to move to high school if he can't manage primary. It's good to get that out sometimes! Grim reading as it is.

Ah, thank you. I'm sure you've seen it all from the other side as a teacher (as well as parenting your DC). It must give you an interesting perspective.

Ah, definitely progress is progress! And a gaming disc is at least a small object 😀. You're an amazing mum and doing what's best for your son - have his anxieties decreased a little since being at home? I find it so hard not to get really frustrated with mine but sometimes it's just important to drop the rope really I think. I also think it's easy to look at others homes and assume it's all meals round the table, board games and no screen time and that isn't necessarily the case.

Big hugs @nornironlady and @RaspberryBeretxx rant any time you like.

@RaspberryBeretxx Rant away, I do plenty of it! I totally know what you mean though, the more pressure you put on them, the more you increase their anxieties. My son has very negative, violent behaviours which we've worked so hard to curtail. He will lift and throw whatever is in his path so we have learned to make sure nothing is in his path. He made it to his bedroom yesterday before he found a gaming disc he could come back and throw at me. I had to hide my smile as a year ago he might have lashed out at me physically so progress is progress. As you can tell, my bar is low 😂

Morning everyone :).

Good luck with the school today Laura. I've got everything crossed for you. I wonder if because he hasn't actually missed any school yet, their procedures haven't quite kicked in. Even so, the threat of him not attending and your well thought out email should definitely definitely have already got a response from them. But I do hope they'll be much more onto it once he is actually not in school when he should be. Amazing advice as ever from @Apolloneuro 👏. I think keep playing the long game - evidence is building up that his approach to parenting is actively harmful for your son.

Sorry to hear your throat is bad again . Hope you have a lovely relaxed day today.

That's great news that you're going to see your daughter this week, that'll be so lovely for her to see her new home! And although I know you don't want to put her in the middle, she might have info on your son and school.

Thank you all on the snowman! It wasn't a very impressive one (my boss said it looked like a snow penguin 😂)but DD enjoyed it.

@nornironlady so sorry your DC hasn't been in for a few weeks due to anxiety due to ND. That must be so tough for both of you.

My DS is still getting lunch detentions and behaviour points and just being frustrating. Of course, he's a delight for his Dad 🙄. It's hard as he takes punishments a bit like an endurance test - they don't really seem to help at all. He can be so sweet and lots of positives. I just don't know what to do for the best- the more I ask him to do something, the less (or slower) he does it. Sorry that was a bit of a rant and I know it's probably just tween behaviour and nothing compared to what some of you are going through.